Son is rude and disrespectful

[Wiped Out]

The roller coaster ride with difficult child is driving me batty these days!! He has some great moments-very cute ones at time but then he does something that makes it difficult to hold on to the cute times.

We hadn't really seen difficult child much since Tuesday. Wednesday he was at camp and then husband and I went to friends' for dinner. He was asleep by the time we arrived home. I drove him to camp on Thursday which was his overnight, and then we picked him up Friday to take him to respite. I was really missing him. He called two of the nights and was so sweet.

When we picked him up yesterday we took him and one of the other boys from respite to the batting cages. The two were so funny to listen to in the van. The boys were talking and suddenly the other boy said that he goes to therapy (just out of the blue). difficult child said so does he. They both agreed they hated it because they make you talk about feelings and what is going on in your life-lol.

Then the down side. difficult child gets up this morning and plops himself on our bed. He didn't want to go to camp and when we told him it wasn't a choice he started elbowing me (of course, his excuse-my leg was in his way) and then bashing his head on my leg. When I told him he was at "stop the world" I was called all sorts of names.

Then he didn't want me to go with him and husband to camp because he was mad and he tried to block me from going out to the van and then wanted me in the back seat. Since I didn't feel like more arguing I got in the driver's seat and husband sat next to me. The fact that I was driving calmed him down a bit.

Seriously, this is so frustrating. husband and easy child were just saying how cute difficult child was at times tonight (and he was) but I'm having a hard time seeing that side of him (again he was rude and disrespectful tonight and at one point threw his dirty socks in my face-I know not the biggest thing in the world but right now I am feeling so frustrated it made me crazy even though I didn't react).

Thanks for listening-just needed to get this out! I need to start holding on to the good moments more-somehow-because right now I don't much want to be around him.

 

[barneysmom]

I think you are normal and healthy Sharon -- I have acutely disliked both my difficult child's for extended periods of time. During those times I have been cutting out any expectations that I will feel kindly or loving, and stay out of the way as much as I can until I can find some kind of compassion or even bare neutrality.

Plus I think respite makes a difference -- respite, or in my case Residential Treatment Center (RTC), allows us to miss them because they aren't here and they are nice on the phone. Reality is completely different.

For me it's been part of the grieving process -- not being able to feel the way I want to feel about gfg13 or 17. That they're somehow not letting me be my authentic self. But now I'm thinking my authentic self can just dislike them for awhile and that will be OK.

xxooxx from a fellow traveler

 

[whatamess]

ooh, dirty sock shot to the face....nasty on more than one level....and you kept your cool...

!!!! I get caught up in my difficult child's good moments and think "see, he can be a easy child" and then two minutes later he's raging. I just want to hold onto the funny, cute, sweet times because I feel if all his issues were to magically disappear that is who he truly would be. It's so hard to accept that difficult child is really a difficult child and may always be.

 

[justtotallyspent]

I too know how this feels.... our difficult child can be so cute and funny and then not even 5 minutes later be going off the deep end (sometimes I don't even know why). I to have came to realize that I will always love him although don't have to like his actions. The other day he was quiet and curled up reading a book with me (so sweet) then 5 minutes later was screamin, hitting and throwing things and say he hates me...... can't wait for his appointment so we atleast might have a clue what is going on...... All I can say is hold on, take it day by day...... that's all I can do!

 

[Shari]

Just sending an understanding hug.

 

[TerryJ2]

Boy, does THAT sound familiar!
That's one of the things that is so hard about our g'sfg. They are different day-to-day.
They get over it, but we take forever. It is so hard.

 

[totoro]

I love it when I am thinking that same thing. " My difficult child is being SUCH a difficult child"
I saw a sticker on a bumper the other day, "Grandchildren are Gifts from God"
husband and I looked at each other and just started cracking up!
K and N kept asking what was so funny? This was during our drive home from Idaho, 6 days of kicking my seat, weird noises, finger popping, vocal tics, hiding under hotel beds, mania.... the list goes on!
difficult child!
Ah, I empathize

 

[Wiped Out]

Barneysmom-Thanks for the support. I like what you had to say about your authentic self-I think it hit it on the head and it is o.k. for my authentic self to not like him right now.

Whatamess-Holding on to the sweet, cute moments is part of what keeps me going too.

JTS-You're right about taking it day by day. These days I feel like I'm taking it moment by moment.

Shari-Thanks for the hug!

Terry-I know what you mean about taking us longer than they do. I am usually so much better at letting it go than I am right now.

Toto-Sounds like a long drive! Too funny about the sticker-I would have been rofl too!

I think what worries me right now is that there have been many times I haven't liked difficult child's behaviors and I do always love him but right now I really don't want to be around him-I'm so tired of all the abuse on so many levels.

 

[barneysmom]

Sharon, I think it's good and healthy to still have an authentic self to keep pestering you and informing you. I think that indicates a pretty strong sense of self -- a self that hasn't been swallowed up by all the abuse. Hang on to that -- I'm trying to do that too. "I won't lose mine if you don't lose yours" lol

 

[klmno]

I ditto Terry....((HUGS)) Sharon.

 

[shellyd67]

Sharon your post sounds so similiar to mine yesterday LOL .... I will tell it was a day from HE double hockey sticks. I am so glad we have this site and eachother. It does help bring me up when I am so low ! I hope you have a better day tomorrow !!!!

 

[timer lady]

I so get what you're saying, Sharon.... big understanding (((((hugs)))))

 

[Wiped Out]

BM-It's a deal-we'll both hang onto our authentic selves!

Klmno-Thanks for the hugs.

Shelly-Yesterday when I was reading your post it definitely hit close to home. Thanks for the good thoughts.

Linda-Thanks for the understanding hugs.