So last night I took ds teddy away from him(he was playing a game with it and was whipping it around and smashed him into the wooden hand rail) my ds LOVES LOVES LOVES his teddy and would be devestated if anything happened to him. I was surprised teddy didn't split open and lose his guts, so I called ds into the screened in deck to talk he didn't want to, finally he came sauntering in, I asked him why he didn't want to talk to me he stated " you scare me when you are angry" The last week has been rough I will admit and ds E is very attuned to the atmosphere in the house, usually he's very attached to me, I feel I have damaged our relationship. I told him that no matter how upset I get I love him and the reason I put teddy up was I didn't want him to get broken, ds said "mudder you could just sew him up" he calls me mudder not sure why but he does. We snuggled and talked etc it just made me realize that they are little boys and I have to keep my temper under control, but some weeks are better than others and I'm human I get frustrated and mad, but the last thing I want is my son to be scared of me. the last thing I want is for E to be affected by whatever is going on with M but it is the pebble in the pond and he will be affected, I need him to have me as a safety net, both of them need to know home is their safe place, a place where they can be who they are and not be judged. So much growing for all of us. I'm very huggy and affectionate with my boys, I know one day they may not let me cuddle and give kisses so I do my best to lot's of that now while they'll let me. The rest of the evening went well, E made a tent in the living room and we played, M also had a tent but was relaxing watching tv and not as into it, then me & M snuggled on the couch and he went to bed. M goes to bed before E, E bugs him and M is usually tired long before E, so I let him go to bed earlier and E stays up later, it's become our new routine and M has realized that E isn't being rewarded or anything and M isn't in trouble it's just to allow him to get to sleep.