Son is totally out of control

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ready2run, Nov 18, 2011.

  1. ready2run

    ready2run New Member

    husband went out tonight and after he left difficult child was sneaking around and wouldn't answer me when i called out for him. he always does this when husband is gone out. so i sent him to his room. after a minute he starts screaming 'let me out! someone help me, i'm locked in here!!" There is no lock on his door. so i told him be quiet or he's never gonna get out...hehehe... like that worked right? he starts calling husband. i tell him husband is not home. he tells me to get husband. i say no, husband is gone out with his friends to play video games he'll be back when he gets back. he keeps calling husband. calling and calling and calling for husband. he won't answer me. so i pretend to be husband and say "what difficult child?" in my gruffest manly voice. he says "mom locked me in here. she's gonna hurt me. i need you to chop her up and throw her in the garbage so i can come out. ok, dad?"
     
  2. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    That is terrifying. It does not sound like his psychosis is under control.
     
  3. ready2run

    ready2run New Member

    he says stuff like all the time. i don't think he means it most of the time, he likes to get people in trouble by making stuff up about them. he may be in need of an adjustment but i don't think that his comment was out of psychosis. i think he was trying to trick daddy into feeling sorry for him.
     
  4. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Oh, the part where he "tells" on you isn't what worried me, that is pretty typical of difficult children, and most children I think.

    The part where he says that you should be chopped up scared me. Than again, he is only 6 but I'd still keep an eye on those thought patterns.
     
  5. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    I'm sorry I don't want to sound as if I'm critisizing...but I wouldn't let my son go through so much anxiety....especially if he is autistic (if this is your 6 yr old you are referring to?)...misinterpreting emotional and situational cues exct. I can't see why he had to be sent to his room if he didn't answer you? This is typical of autism and some other diagnosis.....I wouldn't lie to him to pretend to be his dad and I wouldn't tell him that he has to stay there forever...being a literal thinker he will not catch onto the sarcasm.....and it's not realistic.
     
  6. ready2run

    ready2run New Member

    because if he is sneaking around he is going to get into things, and we have a rule about answering when you are being called, he knows the rule. i don't care if he's autistic. he still needs to say something when i am calling for him as he hears me and has the ability to reply. if i have to go search for him everytime he sneaks off i'll never get anything done. if he wants out all he has to do is calm down. he knows the drill.
     
  7. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Apparently I missed something huge here so I really can't offer anything except comment on what was responded. I'm assuming difficult child didn't follow a direction and was sent to his room. He reacted by making up a huge "story" to try to get dad to help him out. That sounds fair to me from what very little I can read. JJJ does have a good point about the elaborateness of the violent actions he wanted. It may be nothing but could develop into something. Since no one ever knows, I agree that it should simply be documented somewhere for future reference if needed.
     
  8. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Did part of this thread disappear?
    I dont really understand, hope he is ok. I have heard little kids say some very violent things that they dont fully get sound really awful. I mean cartoons get body parts chopped up and then they just pop back on... so just in terms of that, I would just monitor it in case it becomes a theme.
     
  9. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    Ok if it's a houserule, I get it! But I think maybe I know to little of the exact surcomstances? Like I don't know WHY he didn't answer you? Was he occupied in something that caused him not to hear you or was he trying to annoy you? My son does this when he is in the bath...I explained to him how worried I get when he doesn't answer me and that I care about his safety...this helped.
    I think it DOES matter if he is autistic.....I do agree that being autistic isn't any excuse for not being obedient....he still needs to learn that his behaviour has consequences, BUT the way you implement these consequences might differ, because autistic kids "don't always get it"! I don't know if your son also has the terrible anxiety that mine has that often comes with being on the spectrum....but if he does, I wouldn't "lock him up"...this will lead to a meltdown....and NO he won't be able to stop the behaviour....it's not totally possible to just stop a meltdown. I will still not lie to him, because this would have broken a BIG rule in our house and for ASPIES....braking rules and then expecting them to follow it is VERY confusing.....
    Regarding the things he said about hurting you...when my son is owerwhelmed he also say things like I will cut your head of....but I came to realize that this is his limmited way of expressing his anger into words.....So we are working on 'new words' to use instead of this unexceptable ones......
     
  10. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I'm sorry I upset you. I think you handled your difficult child perfectly. Sending him to his room is a good punishment for sneaking around and not answering you. "If you won't tell me where you are, then I need you to stay somewhere that I know where you are." Having been there done that with Kanga, I think his threats triggered a little PTSD in me, because he sounded so much like Kanga when she was psychotic (accusations of me being mean, pleas for daddy to rescue her and the violent threat).

    (((Hugs))) I think tonight you should go out and let husband stay home with the kids. (Footloose and Breaking Dawn are at the theaters!!)
     
  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have no idea what the original post said because it was deleted but from the snippets that have been referred to, I am guessing that ready2run had a problem with her 6 year old not answering her and then saying some inappropriate things. Was he locked up as in real locks or just sent to his room? I do know some parents with autistic kids do have to actually use locks on the outside of the doors but they stay in the hallways or close by the room so they can hear when the child has calmed down. The childs rooms have been child proofed for safety.

    Being unsure of the exact facts here I am not completely able to comment but I do know that I would worry about comments like that because a child can say things like that outside the home to people who have no clue about the child's diagnosis which can end up with CPS being called. If he goes to school and tells someone that mommy locks him a closet for hours on end and then his little friend goes home and tells their parents that their friend gets locked in a closet...well...things can get out of hand quick.
     
  12. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    DJ presents a very valid point. If you do send him to his room and he's making these statements, etc., it might in the best interest of everyone's safety that you have a way to record it, like the camera on your cell phone or something. A way to show that he's not in actual danger, how he reacts to the situation as he perceives it, and how you handled it. This protects you and can also give the psychiatrists a better idea of how he is when he's not in their presence and a behavioral therapist a glimpse into your world and maybe some new ideas for you both.
     
  13. ready2run

    ready2run New Member

    he doesn't have an a lock on his door, he just 'thinks' the door is locked when i shut it. what i did wrong: i answered as dad to get him to stop calling dad as he would have continued to call dad who was not home until dad answered him. i also wanted to find out what he wanted dad for so badly that he couldn't tell me. i actually found his request to dad a bit funny. as for time out....yes for whatever reason he thinks he can't get out when he is in trouble, although he has no problem getting out any other time. he is diagnosed with autism. the diagnosis is mostly based on him flapping his hands and having sensory issues. most of his problems are from his birth mothers drug use and he is more 'behaviour problem' type than 'doesn't understand'. he does things on purpose, like sneaking. he is supposed to tell me where he is going when he leaves the room because he tends to hurt himself or others. i also have 2 other special needs kids and i can't follow them all around at the same time so they NEED to either stay where they are supposed to be or respond when i am looking for them. the only time he doesn't respond is when he is doing something he shouldn't be doing or working on covering up something he did, like giving another child directions to not tell mommy or something.
     
  14. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    Ready2run....what you explained makes alot of sense......
    I can hear that you are having a rough time?! As we all with challenging kids! If his behaviour comes from ODD...mmmm yes then the situation is totally different!
    I am curious though why the docs would put such a huge diagnosis like autism on him if it seems as if his issues is mostly just sensory? Because an diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) will change the whole way in wich he can be handled and also have a different outcome on his behaviour in a more constructive way? Because handling an Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) child as ODD can have a huge negative outcome!(Believe me we were there....not a nice place to be!).....But that said, our son has High functioning AS, bUT the bad old ODD traids is still there! But I think what made my perspective so different was my sons huge amount of anxiety!
    Hope things are going bit better today!
     
  15. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Lovelyboy.....autism IS an Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) diagnosis
     
  16. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    JJJ I know....but since the poster said that the docs only said autism because of handflapping and SI issues...I said Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) because sometimes people refer to autism as classic autism and it seemed that her son is higher functioning, that's why I rather referred to as Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) maybe asuming somewhere higher on the spectrum.
     
  17. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    It may be different in South Africa but Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) isn't a 'real' diagnosis in North America yet. Currently under DSM-IV, Autism is the diagnosis regardless of low/high functioning. "Austism Spectrum Disorder" will not be an official diagnosis until the DSM-V takes effect in May 2013.

    It may seem like a minor point, but I think it is important that parents accept when their child has Autism and not try and minimize it by saying it is 'just' a lesser diagnosis.
     
  18. buddy

    buddy New Member

    The whole thing is complicated in the USA because there are two ways of having your child identified as being anywhere on the Autism/Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) spectrum. Some kids are identified in the educational system only, some in the medical system only and some in both. In the educational system an educational category is applied, not a diagnosis. The educational category is called Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), autism spectrum disorder. Period. People off the official paperwork may discuss what they feel is the medical diagnosis to be more specific, but it is not ever officially given. Schools do not have to accept a medical diagnosis., they only have to consider the testing etc. when an evaluation is done (of course it will qualify for a 504 plan), and the medical community can poo poo an educational category, and insurance will not pay for autism therapies unless there is a medical diagnosis of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) of some kind. (unless the child is diagnosis with a symptom that is covered like language delay etc.).

    In the medical community the DSM IV is used, and as JJJ said, that is most likely changing and will more closely match the educational system. I think, and if anyone has recently read up on this....that Asperger's might become a separate diagnosis from Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)??? I can't remember what the final disposition was on this, when I read they were discussing that option. But for now, the categories are all under the umbrella of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) (Pervasive Developmental Disorder) the diagnosis subcategories are Autism, Rett Syndrome, Disintegrative Syndrome, Asperger's Syndrome and if a child does not meet criteria for any of these fully but does show traits they are diagnosed with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified (not otherwise specified). Many people call Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified high functioning autism, but that is not an official diagnosis and there are kids who do fully meet Autism criteria but are still called high functioning. Since in each category the person being diagnosis only has to meet a certain number of characteristics/symptoms out of the total number in each section, there is a wide number of combinations of symptoms that still will meet criteria. This is why people look so different even though they have the same diagnosis. (and of course because the degree that each person displays a symptom and the specific behavior used to represent a symptom varies too). For all of these reasons it is thought that one diagnosis would be more understandable and allow people who need services to be able to access those more easily. Less people will fall through the cracks I believe. I am glad it is changing. It IS a spectrum disorder....and many people change over their lifetimes too. But they stay on the spectrum usually, just gain skills and lose some symptoms so move around on the "severity" end of things.

    I think acceptance is important. It is a lifelong condition. But the other side of that coin (have you read Stanley Greenspan-- floor time stuff, etc...???) is that people may limit their expectations once they think "autism". We all have heard stories of kids who seem very very severely limited, but once a tool is found to help them to communicate or integrate or to connect in their area of interest, etc... the view of that person is changed to being very capable in many areas. Parents can lose hope, even therapists can box kids in. The spectrum diagnosis can give one a realistic picture of how things can vary and all is not lost.

    I am all for the change in the DSM, I think it will be so much less complicated and will result in easier access to services.
     
  19. ready2run

    ready2run New Member

    his diagnosis came from a psychiatrist. first we had to go through a whole screening thing where he met with psychologists and health nurses and did alot of testing, i had to answer millions of questions. the end result of that was that he fits some of the criteria for autism but not enough to qualify for a diagnosis of that. then we got in to see psychiatrist she said 'autism' the first day she met him. even with the diagnosis of autism she said that is the best fit for now and that it may change, she said he is very defiant so he might be diagnosed conduct disorder as he gets older or have to change his diagnosis to something else. it is hard to say. i know he has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) although that is not diagnosed either but i lived in the same building as his bm, she was definitely using drugs and drinking during her pregnancy, infact i witnessed her doing lines many times.
     
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  20. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Yikes Ready, he sounds like he really does need a full neuropsychologist evaluation. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) is (like Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) is) such an all-encompassing, over-riding diagnosis with very specific implications for treatment and long term care. He is so lucky to have you, that you know the history and you are working on his behalf to help. Hang in there, (((hugs)))
     
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