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General Parenting
Son kicked out of the house and my wife enabling him - What do I do?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 366139" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Marg is totally right. The things I mentioned about codependency and patterns being handed down do NOT NOT NOT make his drug use your fault or your wife's or anyone else's but his. MANY millions of people grow up with these patterns and never take a drink or touch a drug. </p><p></p><p>I would also suggest the book <em>Boundaries</em> by Cloud and Townsend, and the workbook that goes with it. You would each benefit by reading it and using it. </p><p></p><p>Al Anon and/or NarcAnon would also help your daughter. She will have learned habits that will affect her children and partner when/if she chooses to have them. Many people who grow up in families with an addicted person choose partners with addiction issues or who have addicted family members. It can be kind of strange feeling if you look at your family tree and your partners and see which members have addictions. It usually doesn't even skip an entire generation unless they have all been through the 12 Steps many times. </p><p></p><p>It can be very helpful to have meetings that all of you attend together (or just you and your wife attend) but you should <em>also </em>have at least one meeting per week that you attend alone. It can be helpful to air feelings and thoughts when your family is not there. </p><p></p><p>Regardless of what patterns exist, it is <em>still</em> <strong>NOT YOUR FAULT</strong>.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 366139, member: 1233"] Marg is totally right. The things I mentioned about codependency and patterns being handed down do NOT NOT NOT make his drug use your fault or your wife's or anyone else's but his. MANY millions of people grow up with these patterns and never take a drink or touch a drug. I would also suggest the book [I]Boundaries[/I] by Cloud and Townsend, and the workbook that goes with it. You would each benefit by reading it and using it. Al Anon and/or NarcAnon would also help your daughter. She will have learned habits that will affect her children and partner when/if she chooses to have them. Many people who grow up in families with an addicted person choose partners with addiction issues or who have addicted family members. It can be kind of strange feeling if you look at your family tree and your partners and see which members have addictions. It usually doesn't even skip an entire generation unless they have all been through the 12 Steps many times. It can be very helpful to have meetings that all of you attend together (or just you and your wife attend) but you should [I]also [/I]have at least one meeting per week that you attend alone. It can be helpful to air feelings and thoughts when your family is not there. Regardless of what patterns exist, it is [I]still[/I] [B]NOT YOUR FAULT[/B]. [/QUOTE]
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Son kicked out of the house and my wife enabling him - What do I do?
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