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Parent Emeritus
son laying guilt - he's great at it!
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<blockquote data-quote="TheWalrus" data-source="post: 679504" data-attributes="member: 19905"><p>My daughter's magic word, for a LONG time was "college." That was always the magic word that, like you, would make my heart pound and my mind think, "Ok, finally. She is wanting to do something productive for the long term." It took me a long time to figure out that was MY dream FOR her, not HER dream FOR herself. And she used it against me. She has no more interest in college (at this point) than I do in digging ditches.</p><p></p><p>My daughter is also very, very intelligent. She had a fully paid scholarship. Blew it.</p><p>She said the magic word, I swooped in, gave her a roof and a loan in my name. Blew it. (I ended up paying back the loan.)</p><p></p><p>That word is no longer magic for me because IF she ever wants it for herself, truly wants it, she will make it happen. I did. I did it with two small children, three jobs, and not any support from my parents (and didn't expect it - I was an adult). But I wanted it so badly that I did everything I could to make it happen.</p><p></p><p>And that is why you don't need to feel guilt over that rent. At 23, if college is something he truly, truly wants, nothing will stop him anymore than if he really, truly doesn't want it, nothing you do for him will make it happen.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TheWalrus, post: 679504, member: 19905"] My daughter's magic word, for a LONG time was "college." That was always the magic word that, like you, would make my heart pound and my mind think, "Ok, finally. She is wanting to do something productive for the long term." It took me a long time to figure out that was MY dream FOR her, not HER dream FOR herself. And she used it against me. She has no more interest in college (at this point) than I do in digging ditches. My daughter is also very, very intelligent. She had a fully paid scholarship. Blew it. She said the magic word, I swooped in, gave her a roof and a loan in my name. Blew it. (I ended up paying back the loan.) That word is no longer magic for me because IF she ever wants it for herself, truly wants it, she will make it happen. I did. I did it with two small children, three jobs, and not any support from my parents (and didn't expect it - I was an adult). But I wanted it so badly that I did everything I could to make it happen. And that is why you don't need to feel guilt over that rent. At 23, if college is something he truly, truly wants, nothing will stop him anymore than if he really, truly doesn't want it, nothing you do for him will make it happen. [/QUOTE]
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son laying guilt - he's great at it!
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