Son now facing prison after release from Drug Rehab

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by detachingmother, Jun 14, 2016.

  1. detachingmother

    detachingmother serenity

    Just an update.

    Son is sober now for 6 months. Has 40ish days left in inpatient treatment. Now we found out the other day that he has a warrant for his arrest when he gets out of rehab, and was told by his probation officer to enjoy one half of a weekend with his daughter (he gets out on a saturday) and to turn himself in on Monday, that he is going to prison for up to 24 months.

    Of course, Son is freaking out. He is somewhat back to his "sick" thinking. He told me he is very likely to "run" to another state 4000 miles away and start fresh. He's mildly trying to get me to get him an attorney, but he knows better and that I will not do that, so the complaining is at a minimum. You know, veiled threats and that...

    My thoughts and statements are OK, it's your choice....not what I would say is a sane choice, but your choice...I told him that I love him and I would always only be a phone call away (my "go to" statement), but that I will not be encouraging that or helping financially).

    Feeling OK myself. In the end, he will do what he wants to do anyway.

    I remain only a phone call away, even though I will only support emotionally, and lovingly. I love him so much, and I am proud that he is changing somewhat...but ultimately, this is his life to live the way he sees fit.

    On a lighter hearted note, I met a woman, who is very much in the same boat as I am, as many of us are, with a conduct disordered son...we are having a get together for dinner Thursday night. The "Universe" is working in my favor again, and I am grateful. Turns out a lot of possible good can come from this...perhaps even a beginning of friendship that will help bring more awareness to mental health and drug diseased minds...has to do with the field she works in mixing in with people I know who have a built in platform to bring about more awareness...long story, but who all starts with planting seeds in the right places...

    Feeling grateful and loving, even though it's a tough life, brewing up storms, the storms stay at a distance for now.

    I also get to go pick up happy face, sweet angel grand baby the 23rd. And, even better, the baby's mom is so far staying on medications and seems to be doing better for now. It's amazing how quiet she gets while on her medications. I have had some quiet days without hearing nastiness from her...for now it's just Son still having to answer to his recent past behavior and his yapping mouth.
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 2
    • Like Like x 1
    • List
  2. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Active Member

    DM, I agree that you cannot force Son to stay. My hope for him is that he will serve his sentence, but if he runs, it's his choice. If you have a chance, maybe ask him which choice he thinks will make his daughter more proud. Plus, if he runs, wil he ever see her again?

    I am so glad that you've found a friend, and the two of you are doing good works together. I'm also glad to hear that girlfriend has settled some. Enjoy your granddaughter!
  3. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    DM sorry to hear this.

    If it were me I would tell my son to get this taken care of/get it over with. I'm sure you probably have done that. Not that they listen but I've always told my son that. His legal problems are behind him now thankfully.

    Wonderful that you have found a new friend!
  4. Sister's Keeper

    Sister's Keeper Active Member


    Stress to him that if he runs he will never be able to get any type of legal custody/visitation with his daughter.

    The other thing to keep in mind is that my sister was sentenced to 5 years, she estimates that she will do about 18 months. Between prison work credits, credits for attending GED classes, credits for attending addiction groups, and "good time" she will do less than half of her sentence.

    24 months, if played right, will have him out in 6-8 months.
    • Like Like x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  5. detachingmother

    detachingmother serenity

    Now a bigger problem. Day before fathers day, he got caught on a phone face-timing online with girlfriend and baby.

    They told him he would probably be kicked out the following Monday. He lost all sense and LEFT rehab. He called my mother and she picked him up. He spent Father's day with girlfriend and baby. Now he's supposed to go turn himself in to face the prison time place.

    He talked to his PO, the one in the county he was just serving, the lessor charge. She told him turn himself into "the Prison time place", and she would recommend him being "done" there, so he could tend to the prison time place problem.

    Up in the air.....again. Still not enabling. Oddly, he told me he lined up about $6000 in work (his line of outdoor summer type work) and incoming profit for this weekend and next week. I am pretty sure he's gearing up to line his pockets and to split. He want's to spend two days at my house with baby, and I have a feeling he's saying good-bye in his own way. :( He keeps saying IF he leaves, this time it will be different...since he's sobered up and not taking drugs. Ah hem. Fog. Denial. Yah, he's on his way out again.

    He once left to Texas about 5 years ago and got on a road crew while on the run, and did ok, well, until he didn't and did drugs with the road crew members and I had to have him brought back after ODing there. Yah, sure, I believe he will be just fine this time....NOT.

    I honestly think, he is not only addicted to drugs, but addicted to the high he gets of living such a high risk crazy life. I think I have accepted this as completely as I can.

    I like the suggestions I have gotten from you both, and the one Pigless gave and asking him which choice would make his daughter proud! Very good one, I did not think of that one...going to ask him that...

    And, yep RN, been encouraging him to turn himself in, and discouraging the "leaving".

    Totally good info Sister's Keeper. All of it. Will use this as well.

    Thank you to my CDF friends. It's very useful and helpful insights from you.

    He will be at my house for a few days. I know he wants me to see him with the baby and his girlfriend and act like all is well. He said as much while practically begging me to let him come so I can see for myself how "good" he is with baby daughter, and that...I don't doubt that when he's sober he would be a good father and provider.... I will to a certain extent, and I want him to feel I am proud of him, yet not condone his bad behavior, so this will no doubt take some creativity...This part is hard to explain, because I have known all along, he needs for me as his mother to be proud of him, and show acceptance....such a hard thing to do when his choices are just so bad. This part is so hard to put into words...and can barely untangle it in my head sometimes.

    Well, back to regularly scheduled program of day off, to tend to my home duties. Thanks all for listening ...
  6. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    He's been sober for almost six months you said. Not sure if this is a long time for him, but hopefully the new baby will give him incentive to do the right thing. It seems to for so many and I pray it does for you.

    Hugs and stay strong.
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
    • List
  7. Sister's Keeper

    Sister's Keeper Active Member

    Ahh, DM, sorry. What a terrible position to be in. Unfortunately, that is the thing about sobriety, it isn't just the act of not using, but also so much about changing attitudes and behaviors. I's a long, hard road.

    Just try to stay calm with him and appeal to his rational side. Make sue he understands exactly what he is giving up if he runs. He is giving up his daughter.

    I don't know what his charge is, and do I remember correctly you are in Michigan? Prisons are overcrowded, if he is a non violent offender and toes the line by working, attending drug/alcohol counselling, and keeping his nose clean he will probably do less than a year. Maybe you can promise to bring the baby to see him if you are comfortable with that.

    I'll keep you in my thoughts.
  8. detachingmother

    detachingmother serenity

    Yes it's a long time for him. Although now he said he did suboxone in jail or rehab, wasn't sure which place.

    He lies a lot. Very typical addict behavior.

    He is a non-violent criminal. Petty thief mostly. Although the possible prison charge comes from a felony with him stealing a motorcycle while stoned on his 21st birthday, almost 5 years ago. He did 11 months in county, then released on 4 years felony probation.

    Then, two years or so into his probation and all was going pretty good, he got high on meth. After securing a HUGE job that would have changed the way his small business operated...would have gave him a nice boost in income.

    That same day, he went out with a few friends and they got so high, he didn't realize he was going to run out of gas....he went up to a home and tried to steal gas off a person's property. Got caught, and picked up another felony for larceny and basically a B and E, bc he broke into the car on the property and stole a State Farm insurance card out of the glove box (found in his personal property when he got picked up) and tried to syphon ? gas. So high, he thought a state farm insurance card was good to steal...that ended up being a personal identity something or other charge...can't remember.

    These knuckle heads were so high they didn't go to a gas station. Son had a pocket full of properly earned money. Literally, they ran out of gas in the drive way of the house they were trying to steal gas from and the homeowner is who caught them and called police. I mean, they had to be SUPER high. On top of that, homeowner had friends come, and these country boys, pulled rifles on him, took and smashed both sides of his truck, and broke out his front windshield. When cops came, one of the cops beat the hell out of him...on and on...this was one wild ride for a meth high.

    Yes, Michigan. Yes, county and prisons are very crowded here. He isn't afraid of the prison really. He's more afraid of the intake and then the stint at Jackson before he gets placed, which is what he's been told will happen.

    He pretty much knows how it works, since he knows so many who have gone there...many of his "friends". Then, he would go to "boot camp". He thinks 6 month to 18 months, so I think you're right. Probably no more than a year.

    In Michigan, first time to prison as a drug head non-violent criminal in particular, they go to boot camp. Only first they are shuffled through the system in a very nasty ugly violent prison for a few months. Jackson.

    He's actually verbalized that he would probably prefer prison over county jail, just not the intake, and the wait to get to a set place. He's afraid of the "fighting" sober. He loves to fight when he's stoned, but doesn't think he could stand it sober.

    Tomorrow they are coming to stay for Thursday and Friday night depending on how they behave (him, girlfriend, baby). girlfriend on medications, he should be fine considering he is scared "shitless" about any one calling police to come pick him up. The last two of three times, I've had to drive girlfriend home in the middle of the night on a four hour round trip just to get those two to stop fighting in my home.

    So this will be one more chance to show they are trying to work on themselves. Already nervous. Honestly I often think I AM a trigger for him. And certain things about me trigger him into using...hard to explain.
  9. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Wow does sound stressful. Sometimes I think home and I (mom) are a trigger for my son too.

    Stay strong and I pray you have a peaceful visit.
  10. Sister's Keeper

    Sister's Keeper Active Member

    Okay, I get it.

    This is my sister, too, Shoplifting, shoplifting, shoplifting. All petty thefts to finance her habit. The last time around I think it was a combination of they are sick of her and and parole and probation violations. Sad part she was offered what they call "drug court" here, and she could have avoided jail time all together and refused.

    It's a weird thing,isn't it. My sister also said she would prefer state prison to county. How the hell is that?

    It's a shame that he didn't finish his rehab. It may have decreased his sentence if the judge saw he was trying.

    Hopefully between you and the (hopefully) now lucid girlfriend you can convince him to turn himself in and serve his sentence.

    I would use the baby as much as possible. Letting him know that if he runs he will never see her and that neither you, nor the girlfriend, will harbor a fugitive.

    Good luck. I, honestly, don't know how to get through to them and make them see how :deletesmiley2: up their thought process is.
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List