klmno
Active Member
I agree with taking him (or getting him tdo'd) to the psychiatric hospital Janet is talking about. I won't get into all my and my son's hx but we are more than a little similar to what you are experiencing. My 17 yo son just got released from Department of Juvenile Justice the 2nd time for committing an offense against me- a 2nd time. The first was robbing me by knifepoint while on probation and I turned him in. I am sure that makes me me sound like a horrid, overly strict parent who didn't try to save her child but threw him under the bus instead. But let me say, we also had tried all the medications, psychiatrists, tdocs, etc, and I was still trying to get him help- such as admittance into a psychiatric Residential Treatment Center (RTC) as was recommended by the MH profs. I had no control over what the legal system did with him after I turned him in but I am still glad I did. Why? because we have sat here tonight while he has showed me online news stories of kids he's been incarcerated in Department of Juvenile Justice with. Two different ones are in there for killing their family guardian (1 a grandmother and 1 a mother) and both were stabbed to death by their young teens (both under the age of 16yo when it happened.)
I was devastated when my son went to Department of Juvenile Justice and people here can confirm that I have fought like koi to change the system to get more help for these kids. But I'm glad my son could get out after 3 years and not have to spend the rest of his life or even next 25 yrs incarcerated and living with the knowledge that he killed a family member before he even turned 15yo. Sometimes, as parents, we have to protect our kids from themselves, as I'm sure you already know. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that we didn't ask for this situation but we still have to deal with the situation as it is happening. IOW, it's not your fault that your son did what he did and you didn't ask for this- the question isn't "can I turn this situation into something else"- you can't- the question is "how am I going to address this situation even though I really wish we weren't in this situation". If you found a gun and hit list in your difficult child's bedroom, how would you address that? I'm just trying to give you food for thought.
in my humble opinion, I think you should get your difficult child involved in the public MH system ASAP- that is my regret with my son because if I had, Yes, I know public MH in that area hoovers and that's why I stayed with private MH profs and not go to public agencies. However, the result was that when my son started breaking the law, he went to the juvenile court system instead of public MH having a say and that's why he couldn't get into a psychiatric Residential Treatment Center (RTC) instead of being sent to Department of Juvenile Justice. Still, he's showing a LOT more maturity and good thinking now and I can sleep at night and I am grateful for every day I have with him now.
ETA: I discussed this with my son and in his opinion, you need to try to rebond with your son by talking about what is going on with him and getting a male role model in his life. I did discuss with my son that this isn't always possible or feasible and he acknowledged that there probably was something going on with your son mentally (as in either bipolar or just having difficulty adjusting to his father's suicide) but he says forcing a kid to MH tx just makes the kid angirer and feel weirder because it makes them feel like something is wrong with them. I asked him what he thought a parent should do in that case and in his maturing mind, he said he didn't know.
I was devastated when my son went to Department of Juvenile Justice and people here can confirm that I have fought like koi to change the system to get more help for these kids. But I'm glad my son could get out after 3 years and not have to spend the rest of his life or even next 25 yrs incarcerated and living with the knowledge that he killed a family member before he even turned 15yo. Sometimes, as parents, we have to protect our kids from themselves, as I'm sure you already know. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that we didn't ask for this situation but we still have to deal with the situation as it is happening. IOW, it's not your fault that your son did what he did and you didn't ask for this- the question isn't "can I turn this situation into something else"- you can't- the question is "how am I going to address this situation even though I really wish we weren't in this situation". If you found a gun and hit list in your difficult child's bedroom, how would you address that? I'm just trying to give you food for thought.
in my humble opinion, I think you should get your difficult child involved in the public MH system ASAP- that is my regret with my son because if I had, Yes, I know public MH in that area hoovers and that's why I stayed with private MH profs and not go to public agencies. However, the result was that when my son started breaking the law, he went to the juvenile court system instead of public MH having a say and that's why he couldn't get into a psychiatric Residential Treatment Center (RTC) instead of being sent to Department of Juvenile Justice. Still, he's showing a LOT more maturity and good thinking now and I can sleep at night and I am grateful for every day I have with him now.
ETA: I discussed this with my son and in his opinion, you need to try to rebond with your son by talking about what is going on with him and getting a male role model in his life. I did discuss with my son that this isn't always possible or feasible and he acknowledged that there probably was something going on with your son mentally (as in either bipolar or just having difficulty adjusting to his father's suicide) but he says forcing a kid to MH tx just makes the kid angirer and feel weirder because it makes them feel like something is wrong with them. I asked him what he thought a parent should do in that case and in his maturing mind, he said he didn't know.
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