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Substance Abuse
Son self-sabotages every opportunity
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 764070" data-attributes="member: 4152"><p>Im so sorry, Nandina.</p><p></p><p>Such good advice has already been said. We are a very special community.</p><p></p><p>Even without drugs being involved, I sure can relate to much of your situation especially to the angst and futility.</p><p></p><p>A local church has a support group for parents like “us.” Most have “kids” high school or college age. Most , if not all, are abusing drugs. So, I don’t always feel like I fit in as my adult child is now in her thirties and doesn’t use illicit drugs. She is severely mentally ill, but got it in her head if she takes her medications she is absolutely fine…in fact smarter than everyone. Sigh.</p><p></p><p>One day it hit me like I see it is hitting and hurting you …the hideous realization that our adult kids don’t seem to get better , there’s nothing we can do , AND it doesn’t seem like they can get better. There are no words.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps with help of some kind, there is more hope. But, what kind? They self sabotage and reject help left and right and either abuse or don’t want our help. Abuse/take advantage of seems VERY common when it comes to us. And worse than anything, engaging with them leads to our trauma and no progress for them.</p><p></p><p>Similar to you, Im wondering if she has hit rock bottom? She has a high iq too. What the heck? But even with this bizarre and gruesome situation she is in, I’m not sure if she has hit Rick bottom or if she realizes her hideous choices got her here.</p><p></p><p> There are a few in my support group in which I recognize this particular “thing.” No cause and effect reasoning. A disturbing inability to connect the dots regarding consequences.</p><p></p><p>A friend said those in my support group probably don’t realize that most of them will be where I am in ten years or so. Sigh. I know I didn’t see the difficult (impossible?) waters ahead.</p><p></p><p>Then there are people who take advantage of them. Our daughter is once again in a bizarre situation. Has moved all over the country. Her latest locale has her in a trailer with a handicapped roommate in the middle of nowhere with no food store and no transportation. It’s gruesome…take my word fir it. Has she hit Rick bottom? Doubtful.</p><p></p><p>As a side note…at the end of the month she is returning to a situation three states ago that she perceives as a better situation (it was) . Will she work to make that a success? Sigh. She has moved 100s of times. Sigh.</p><p></p><p>So, at some point I know for me having no other choice, we help her minimally, avoid getting emotionally involved (that’s a hard one) and are taking care of ourselves.</p><p></p><p>I think SS disability might be a good idea for your son, but find out the rules regarding work he can do on the side. It’s important for people to feel /be productive.</p><p></p><p>I pray that there is help out there for your son. I know I would appreciate any and all healthy “anything” for my daughter.</p><p></p><p> But, adopting a different attitude about it all, accepting much (I suppose ALL) of it, praying a lot, seeing a counselor….I’m sure you know…is what saved me from the tremendous pain that I simply could no longer bare. I pray for your comfort. ((Hugs))</p><p></p><p>Blessings.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 764070, member: 4152"] Im so sorry, Nandina. Such good advice has already been said. We are a very special community. Even without drugs being involved, I sure can relate to much of your situation especially to the angst and futility. A local church has a support group for parents like “us.” Most have “kids” high school or college age. Most , if not all, are abusing drugs. So, I don’t always feel like I fit in as my adult child is now in her thirties and doesn’t use illicit drugs. She is severely mentally ill, but got it in her head if she takes her medications she is absolutely fine…in fact smarter than everyone. Sigh. One day it hit me like I see it is hitting and hurting you …the hideous realization that our adult kids don’t seem to get better , there’s nothing we can do , AND it doesn’t seem like they can get better. There are no words. Perhaps with help of some kind, there is more hope. But, what kind? They self sabotage and reject help left and right and either abuse or don’t want our help. Abuse/take advantage of seems VERY common when it comes to us. And worse than anything, engaging with them leads to our trauma and no progress for them. Similar to you, Im wondering if she has hit rock bottom? She has a high iq too. What the heck? But even with this bizarre and gruesome situation she is in, I’m not sure if she has hit Rick bottom or if she realizes her hideous choices got her here. There are a few in my support group in which I recognize this particular “thing.” No cause and effect reasoning. A disturbing inability to connect the dots regarding consequences. A friend said those in my support group probably don’t realize that most of them will be where I am in ten years or so. Sigh. I know I didn’t see the difficult (impossible?) waters ahead. Then there are people who take advantage of them. Our daughter is once again in a bizarre situation. Has moved all over the country. Her latest locale has her in a trailer with a handicapped roommate in the middle of nowhere with no food store and no transportation. It’s gruesome…take my word fir it. Has she hit Rick bottom? Doubtful. As a side note…at the end of the month she is returning to a situation three states ago that she perceives as a better situation (it was) . Will she work to make that a success? Sigh. She has moved 100s of times. Sigh. So, at some point I know for me having no other choice, we help her minimally, avoid getting emotionally involved (that’s a hard one) and are taking care of ourselves. I think SS disability might be a good idea for your son, but find out the rules regarding work he can do on the side. It’s important for people to feel /be productive. I pray that there is help out there for your son. I know I would appreciate any and all healthy “anything” for my daughter. But, adopting a different attitude about it all, accepting much (I suppose ALL) of it, praying a lot, seeing a counselor….I’m sure you know…is what saved me from the tremendous pain that I simply could no longer bare. I pray for your comfort. ((Hugs)) Blessings. [/QUOTE]
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