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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 686995" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px">You are not heartless Walrus. You are brave. I think there is no harder thing than to say no to our own kids, <em>and to keep saying no</em>. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="font-size: 15px">Understanding in our bones that we cannot help our own kids ~ that anything we do to help them is hurting both them and us ~ is something most parents never have to confront. </span> <span style="font-size: 15px">Other parents, helping professionals or not, have no frame of reference for what it is we are required to do.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="font-size: 15px">So they judge us instead.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px">And all there is to say about that is that I am glad they don't know what I know.</span></p><p></p><p>I don't want to know it either.</p><p></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 18px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="font-size: 15px">The way we love our kids is a mystery. I get to that place, too. What is the right thing, or what is the best thing I can know. You are doing the right thing (according to your own sense of integrity) by your son, given his medical situation, and that matters. Does the Social Worker understand just how difficult this is for you? Does she understand the why behind it, I mean? Might there be a respite care program for your son? Somewhere he could be taken five days a week for activities and so on?</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 18px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="font-size: 15px">I know there are such programs for elderly adults. I am imagining you saying there are such programs but that your son refuses. That is what you meant when you posted that he refuses therapy or counseling.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 18px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="font-size: 15px">Still, that is the only thing I can think of.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 18px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="font-size: 15px">Maybe this would be the area the social worker could concentrate on in her talks with him, until placement becomes available. Finding a program like that and somehow making it mandatory for him to attend. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 18px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="font-size: 15px">For the sake of your sanity, and his, too.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 18px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="font-size: 15px">I think you are correct pasa when you post that the longer you and your son are there together, the harder it will be for those old patterns of behavior not to begin again. I am very sure that is how it would be for me too, if something similar should ever come to be my situation with my own son.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 18px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="font-size: 15px">Are they giving you a time line regarding placement for your son, pasa? </span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 18px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="font-size: 15px">Cedar</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 18px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 18px"></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 686995, member: 17461"] [SIZE=4] You are not heartless Walrus. You are brave. I think there is no harder thing than to say no to our own kids, [I]and to keep saying no[/I]. [/SIZE] [SIZE=5][SIZE=4]Understanding in our bones that we cannot help our own kids ~ that anything we do to help them is hurting both them and us ~ is something most parents never have to confront. [/SIZE] [SIZE=4]Other parents, helping professionals or not, have no frame of reference for what it is we are required to do.[/SIZE][/SIZE] [SIZE=5][SIZE=4]So they judge us instead.[/SIZE][/SIZE] [SIZE=4]And all there is to say about that is that I am glad they don't know what I know.[/SIZE] I don't want to know it either. [SIZE=3][/SIZE] [SIZE=5] [SIZE=4]The way we love our kids is a mystery. I get to that place, too. What is the right thing, or what is the best thing I can know. You are doing the right thing (according to your own sense of integrity) by your son, given his medical situation, and that matters. Does the Social Worker understand just how difficult this is for you? Does she understand the why behind it, I mean? Might there be a respite care program for your son? Somewhere he could be taken five days a week for activities and so on?[/SIZE][/SIZE] [SIZE=5] [SIZE=4]I know there are such programs for elderly adults. I am imagining you saying there are such programs but that your son refuses. That is what you meant when you posted that he refuses therapy or counseling.[/SIZE][/SIZE] [SIZE=5] [SIZE=4]Still, that is the only thing I can think of.[/SIZE][/SIZE] [SIZE=5] [SIZE=4]Maybe this would be the area the social worker could concentrate on in her talks with him, until placement becomes available. Finding a program like that and somehow making it mandatory for him to attend. [/SIZE][/SIZE] [SIZE=5] [SIZE=4]For the sake of your sanity, and his, too.[/SIZE][/SIZE] [SIZE=5] [SIZE=4]I think you are correct pasa when you post that the longer you and your son are there together, the harder it will be for those old patterns of behavior not to begin again. I am very sure that is how it would be for me too, if something similar should ever come to be my situation with my own son.[/SIZE][/SIZE] [SIZE=5] [SIZE=4]Are they giving you a time line regarding placement for your son, pasa? [/SIZE][/SIZE] [SIZE=5] [SIZE=4]Cedar[/SIZE][/SIZE] [SIZE=5] [/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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