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Son with ADHD/ODD need to talk
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 206859" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I loved being a mother but was disappointed to have, as my first, a baby who just wanted to jump out of my arms to explore the world. My next baby, difficult child 1, was cuddly. He was difficult but did best when I held him. However, with all three of my older kids I had to go back to full-time work when they were 12 weeks old. difficult child 1 did OK but quickly bonded to one particular carer even though they tried to avoid this at the child care centre.</p><p></p><p>easy child 2/difficult child 2 would cuddle with anyone. No problems with her, plus she was cute so got lots of cuddles in childcare. She was also adventurous like her sister.</p><p></p><p>By the time I had difficult child 3, I was at home full time. I spent my time with difficult child 3, I slept when he slept. And I thoroughly enjoyed cuddling him to sleep. I did it all the time, often cuddling him through an entire sleep. People said I was making a rod for my own back but I found it forced me to rest then too, which I needed. It was my choice and it didn't do him any harm. Or me. And it didn't last anyway. Apart from that time I tried to follow the clinic's advice, I gave difficult child 3 what I thought he wanted and we got on fine. At about three months old he seemed to learn what to do - if I was standing by his cot at bedtime, holding him, he would try to roll out of my arms to get into bed. Once there he tucked his nose in and very determinedly went to sleep.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 is VERY stubborn and whenever anyone tries to push him in a direction before he's ready, they discover he's very high on the Richter scale of stubbornness. By modifying our approach we now have a child who wants to please us, who isn't suspicious of our motives and automatically opposing us (as was happening - in his mind what we wanted = something he hated). Now when we ask him to do something, he generally listens to our reasons. We do have to ensure the reasons become his reasons too which can take time, but each success makes the next step easier.</p><p></p><p>There is so much more - read the book, post here, talk to us, talk to your husband when he's home, maybe get him to read these posts too and see what he thinks.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 206859, member: 1991"] I loved being a mother but was disappointed to have, as my first, a baby who just wanted to jump out of my arms to explore the world. My next baby, difficult child 1, was cuddly. He was difficult but did best when I held him. However, with all three of my older kids I had to go back to full-time work when they were 12 weeks old. difficult child 1 did OK but quickly bonded to one particular carer even though they tried to avoid this at the child care centre. easy child 2/difficult child 2 would cuddle with anyone. No problems with her, plus she was cute so got lots of cuddles in childcare. She was also adventurous like her sister. By the time I had difficult child 3, I was at home full time. I spent my time with difficult child 3, I slept when he slept. And I thoroughly enjoyed cuddling him to sleep. I did it all the time, often cuddling him through an entire sleep. People said I was making a rod for my own back but I found it forced me to rest then too, which I needed. It was my choice and it didn't do him any harm. Or me. And it didn't last anyway. Apart from that time I tried to follow the clinic's advice, I gave difficult child 3 what I thought he wanted and we got on fine. At about three months old he seemed to learn what to do - if I was standing by his cot at bedtime, holding him, he would try to roll out of my arms to get into bed. Once there he tucked his nose in and very determinedly went to sleep. difficult child 3 is VERY stubborn and whenever anyone tries to push him in a direction before he's ready, they discover he's very high on the Richter scale of stubbornness. By modifying our approach we now have a child who wants to please us, who isn't suspicious of our motives and automatically opposing us (as was happening - in his mind what we wanted = something he hated). Now when we ask him to do something, he generally listens to our reasons. We do have to ensure the reasons become his reasons too which can take time, but each success makes the next step easier. There is so much more - read the book, post here, talk to us, talk to your husband when he's home, maybe get him to read these posts too and see what he thinks. Marg [/QUOTE]
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