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Son with ADHD/ODD need to talk
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<blockquote data-quote="627666" data-source="post: 216542" data-attributes="member: 6376"><p>Spyrose, welcome to the board! I, too, am a newbie and have already made some wonderful connections with parents just like us. I am even having coffee with one member, who happens to live about 10 miles from me and with a very similar story as mine! There is always hope!</p><p> </p><p>Your son sounds very similar to my son, who will turn 12 next week. After many years of doing "all the right things" ("the best" therapists, psychiatrists, wilderness programs, private schools, etc.) we are still struggling day to day. It seems all experts agree my son has ADHD with ODD and the medications are pushing him into CD like behaviors. We are currently weaning him off of Vyvanse and Lexapro (an anti-depressant I really did not want to try!) and slowly introducing Tenex. Eventually he will only be on Tenex, which was originally used to treat hypertension but is now apparently used to treat Aggressive Impulsive ADHD, a new term for me. This way he is getting help for the impulsive behaviors and thoughts, which they think is causing so many of his problems. The doctors seem to think a different class of medications is a good idea and we certainly agree. It may be worth looking into with your son.</p><p> </p><p>I have to ask, how is the family surviving? How is your marriage doing? I am really struggling with this. I am on my 2nd marriage (difficult child's Dad and I married way too young) and my husband has been wonderful through this journey, as he has known my son since he was almost 4, but he is weary and ready to give up I am afraid. My son visited us yesterday (he has been staying with his grandparents for a week to give our home a break) and my husband was pretty awful to him. My son could not do anything right and even told me he felt his step-dad did not want him here. I have always feared one day I would have to pick bt my husband and my child and I fear the time is coming. I believe as Moms we must stick by our flesh and blood, even if it means the failure of yet another marriage. This thought is very painful, of course, but we have to be advocates for our children. I find many times the dads are so punitive and stubborn regardig the labels and the advice from doctors, they believe strict (hands on) force is all that is needed. That just doesn't work with these kids. Does anyone else feel this way? How do you choose bt your difficult child and your spouse, who has been on this journey with you for so long?</p><p> </p><p>My advice is always to pray about your situation. God has to have more planned for our children than this. We have to be patient day to day and wait for His guidance, even when it is gruelling and exhausting. Maybe we are supposed to be learning some big lesson in patience. I don't know. They say God only gives us what we can handle. I just wish he didn't have so much confidence in me. Ha ha.</p><p> </p><p>Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone, especially those of us who do not have our difficult child's with us today. Hang in there! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p> </p><p>627666</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="627666, post: 216542, member: 6376"] Spyrose, welcome to the board! I, too, am a newbie and have already made some wonderful connections with parents just like us. I am even having coffee with one member, who happens to live about 10 miles from me and with a very similar story as mine! There is always hope! Your son sounds very similar to my son, who will turn 12 next week. After many years of doing "all the right things" ("the best" therapists, psychiatrists, wilderness programs, private schools, etc.) we are still struggling day to day. It seems all experts agree my son has ADHD with ODD and the medications are pushing him into CD like behaviors. We are currently weaning him off of Vyvanse and Lexapro (an anti-depressant I really did not want to try!) and slowly introducing Tenex. Eventually he will only be on Tenex, which was originally used to treat hypertension but is now apparently used to treat Aggressive Impulsive ADHD, a new term for me. This way he is getting help for the impulsive behaviors and thoughts, which they think is causing so many of his problems. The doctors seem to think a different class of medications is a good idea and we certainly agree. It may be worth looking into with your son. I have to ask, how is the family surviving? How is your marriage doing? I am really struggling with this. I am on my 2nd marriage (difficult child's Dad and I married way too young) and my husband has been wonderful through this journey, as he has known my son since he was almost 4, but he is weary and ready to give up I am afraid. My son visited us yesterday (he has been staying with his grandparents for a week to give our home a break) and my husband was pretty awful to him. My son could not do anything right and even told me he felt his step-dad did not want him here. I have always feared one day I would have to pick bt my husband and my child and I fear the time is coming. I believe as Moms we must stick by our flesh and blood, even if it means the failure of yet another marriage. This thought is very painful, of course, but we have to be advocates for our children. I find many times the dads are so punitive and stubborn regardig the labels and the advice from doctors, they believe strict (hands on) force is all that is needed. That just doesn't work with these kids. Does anyone else feel this way? How do you choose bt your difficult child and your spouse, who has been on this journey with you for so long? My advice is always to pray about your situation. God has to have more planned for our children than this. We have to be patient day to day and wait for His guidance, even when it is gruelling and exhausting. Maybe we are supposed to be learning some big lesson in patience. I don't know. They say God only gives us what we can handle. I just wish he didn't have so much confidence in me. Ha ha. Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone, especially those of us who do not have our difficult child's with us today. Hang in there! :winking: 627666 [/QUOTE]
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