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Son wont accept responsibility
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 195830" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Hi and welcome!</p><p> </p><p>My beloved difficult child has always held others to the letter of the law but has been incapable of seeing that rules apply to him as well. He always has an excuse - it's not his fault, someone made him mad, if so and so hadn't said/done something he wouldn't have gotten mad, etc. It was especially bad from... oh, about age 8 thru maybe 16? I suspect it's better now only because in his current placement he's really not held accountable for most things. On the things he is held accountable for, we are still running into this mindset of it's not his fault. Right now the biggest one is school work - he refuses to do it because he already knows it all and they aren't teaching to his level, yada yada yada - ergo, not his fault (even though he hasn't done a lick of school work in over a year - he refuses to see that the teachers are not just going to take his word that he already knows something and it is just beneath him to prove it to them). It's incredibly frustrating.</p><p> </p><p>I don't know if there's a diagnosis for this or if it's part and parcel of thank you's bipolar disorder. My son has a very skewed perception of reality, period. He's also extremely oppositional - will argue with you about the color of the sky if you let him. </p><p> </p><p>That's not to say we've given up. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> We still try to talk thru situations, get him to see that his behaviors and reactions are inappropriate (usually really exaggerated emotional responses to relatively minor problems). I suspect we're always going to be trying to talk him through things. My kid is going through that super-superior teen phase where he knows everything and adults are dumber than dirt so we're still not making much progress but... hope springs eternal. </p><p> </p><p>Personally, I would let school deal with school issues. If he's oppositional or disruptive at school, they are the ones who need to be addressing it. I would guess you probably are dealing with home issues with MM - by trying to address school issues as well, in my experience, it just heaps on the misery for all of you. Not to say you shouldn't be informed and aware of what is going on at school (you may be able to pick up on triggers or better ways for school staff to handle a situation) but I think trying to address the school problems with him at home is just opening the door for him to continue to refuse responsibility - I hope that makes sense.</p><p> </p><p>The sleeping (or lack thereof) would concern me. Has he been evaluated for a physical cause (maybe a sleep study)??</p><p> </p><p>Again, welcome and glad you found us!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 195830, member: 8"] Hi and welcome! My beloved difficult child has always held others to the letter of the law but has been incapable of seeing that rules apply to him as well. He always has an excuse - it's not his fault, someone made him mad, if so and so hadn't said/done something he wouldn't have gotten mad, etc. It was especially bad from... oh, about age 8 thru maybe 16? I suspect it's better now only because in his current placement he's really not held accountable for most things. On the things he is held accountable for, we are still running into this mindset of it's not his fault. Right now the biggest one is school work - he refuses to do it because he already knows it all and they aren't teaching to his level, yada yada yada - ergo, not his fault (even though he hasn't done a lick of school work in over a year - he refuses to see that the teachers are not just going to take his word that he already knows something and it is just beneath him to prove it to them). It's incredibly frustrating. I don't know if there's a diagnosis for this or if it's part and parcel of thank you's bipolar disorder. My son has a very skewed perception of reality, period. He's also extremely oppositional - will argue with you about the color of the sky if you let him. That's not to say we've given up. ;) We still try to talk thru situations, get him to see that his behaviors and reactions are inappropriate (usually really exaggerated emotional responses to relatively minor problems). I suspect we're always going to be trying to talk him through things. My kid is going through that super-superior teen phase where he knows everything and adults are dumber than dirt so we're still not making much progress but... hope springs eternal. Personally, I would let school deal with school issues. If he's oppositional or disruptive at school, they are the ones who need to be addressing it. I would guess you probably are dealing with home issues with MM - by trying to address school issues as well, in my experience, it just heaps on the misery for all of you. Not to say you shouldn't be informed and aware of what is going on at school (you may be able to pick up on triggers or better ways for school staff to handle a situation) but I think trying to address the school problems with him at home is just opening the door for him to continue to refuse responsibility - I hope that makes sense. The sleeping (or lack thereof) would concern me. Has he been evaluated for a physical cause (maybe a sleep study)?? Again, welcome and glad you found us!! [/QUOTE]
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