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<blockquote data-quote="TeDo" data-source="post: 555950"><p>I CAN relate to the feeling defeated. I fought our school for a year to get difficult child 1 the services he needed. He had carried the ODD diagnosis for 3 years and when it was changed (by a neuropsychologist) to autism spectrum, the school REFUSED to accept that diagnosis and they continued to punish him for behaviors he had no control over. He had a BIP that the IEP team (that's who's SUPPOSED to develop one) but they refused to include many strategies that had worked at home for a long time. They wanted it done their way. I had an advocate that, after 4 monthly IEP "fights" AND a manifestation hearing AND mediation with a state mediator present, said she'd never seen a school principal so bull-headed that he blatantly said he just wanted difficult child 1 out. I spent days crying when, after 6 months of all the above, difficult child 1 was so depressed he slept in the fetal position most of the day. That was when I realized how much it was all affecting him and gave up the fight (just short of a Due Process Hearing). I hurt so much for him all I could do was cry for him.</p><p></p><p>Now we're doing online school at home with me as his 1:1 para and he's a straight A student. He's smart but the "higher order" stuff is over his head so I do a lot of paraphrasing and breaking down assignments into smaller steps. He's successful and happy AND he's being educated.</p><p></p><p>If they "handed you a bip", I'm assuming it's not one the IEP "TEAM" (includes YOU) developed but rather one THEY came up with. Obviously, their way isn't working. </p><p></p><p>If they are threatening to kick him out of school for "looking at a girl too long", then they need to apply that rule to ALL students. They can't apply arbitrary rules to kids, especially if they have an IEP. Tell them you want to see that rule added to the student handbook otherwise it is an idle threat. They can get in BIG legal trouble with the federal government if they even try enforcing that one.</p><p></p><p>If you're afraid to take on the school on behalf of your son, then you have 2 choices. 1)Get an advocate to play the lion with them FOR you. One that isn't recommended and has no association with the school. OR 2) Find a diiferent school setting for him. One that will work WITH you and difficult child and not a setting that is punitive. </p><p></p><p>Personally, "specialized" or not, I would not trust a pediatrician to diagnosis and/or treat mental health issues. They just aren't specially trained enough to appropriately deal with the complexities of mental health. I agree with MWM, ODD is just a placeholder. It says that the kid is oppositional and defiant. It doesn't explain WHY and it doesn't tell you how to "change" it. Most schools that I've seen (dealt with 3) deal with ODD witha heavy hand to "show them who'se the boss". That kind of treatment usually leads to further problems in school because it isn't addressing the WHY of the behavior and more times than not, they are being punished for something they can't help and haven't been actively taught not to do.</p><p></p><p>I feel for you. I have been in your shoes and it stinks. It was that anger with the school over what they were doing to difficult child 1 that gave me strength and courage to fight back. I used to be an "avoider at all costs". I was so outraged by THEM that I found strength I didn't know I had. </p><p></p><p>{{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} to you AND difficult child.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TeDo, post: 555950"] I CAN relate to the feeling defeated. I fought our school for a year to get difficult child 1 the services he needed. He had carried the ODD diagnosis for 3 years and when it was changed (by a neuropsychologist) to autism spectrum, the school REFUSED to accept that diagnosis and they continued to punish him for behaviors he had no control over. He had a BIP that the IEP team (that's who's SUPPOSED to develop one) but they refused to include many strategies that had worked at home for a long time. They wanted it done their way. I had an advocate that, after 4 monthly IEP "fights" AND a manifestation hearing AND mediation with a state mediator present, said she'd never seen a school principal so bull-headed that he blatantly said he just wanted difficult child 1 out. I spent days crying when, after 6 months of all the above, difficult child 1 was so depressed he slept in the fetal position most of the day. That was when I realized how much it was all affecting him and gave up the fight (just short of a Due Process Hearing). I hurt so much for him all I could do was cry for him. Now we're doing online school at home with me as his 1:1 para and he's a straight A student. He's smart but the "higher order" stuff is over his head so I do a lot of paraphrasing and breaking down assignments into smaller steps. He's successful and happy AND he's being educated. If they "handed you a bip", I'm assuming it's not one the IEP "TEAM" (includes YOU) developed but rather one THEY came up with. Obviously, their way isn't working. If they are threatening to kick him out of school for "looking at a girl too long", then they need to apply that rule to ALL students. They can't apply arbitrary rules to kids, especially if they have an IEP. Tell them you want to see that rule added to the student handbook otherwise it is an idle threat. They can get in BIG legal trouble with the federal government if they even try enforcing that one. If you're afraid to take on the school on behalf of your son, then you have 2 choices. 1)Get an advocate to play the lion with them FOR you. One that isn't recommended and has no association with the school. OR 2) Find a diiferent school setting for him. One that will work WITH you and difficult child and not a setting that is punitive. Personally, "specialized" or not, I would not trust a pediatrician to diagnosis and/or treat mental health issues. They just aren't specially trained enough to appropriately deal with the complexities of mental health. I agree with MWM, ODD is just a placeholder. It says that the kid is oppositional and defiant. It doesn't explain WHY and it doesn't tell you how to "change" it. Most schools that I've seen (dealt with 3) deal with ODD witha heavy hand to "show them who'se the boss". That kind of treatment usually leads to further problems in school because it isn't addressing the WHY of the behavior and more times than not, they are being punished for something they can't help and haven't been actively taught not to do. I feel for you. I have been in your shoes and it stinks. It was that anger with the school over what they were doing to difficult child 1 that gave me strength and courage to fight back. I used to be an "avoider at all costs". I was so outraged by THEM that I found strength I didn't know I had. {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} to you AND difficult child. [/QUOTE]
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