Son's psychiatrist visit

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by kfmewes, Feb 25, 2011.

  1. kfmewes

    kfmewes New Member

    We had my son's psychiatrist visit today and it was a total train wreck. Before we even went to the appointment my son got ****** at me for not letting him take his homework to the bus stop while we waited 15 minutes for her bus to show up. As soon as I said no, he started glaring at me and slamming his books around. Apparently he thought that this would make me change my mind.
    So at the meeting, my hubby brought up the fact that she has been giving my son excuses for his behavior and she totally denied it. She also informed us that it is not her job to provide any sort of therapy and that she is only there to give him medications (funny, that's not how it works with mine). They have been pushing us to take this Parenting with love and limits class and I have been avoiding it because they have made it clear to me that the reason we need to take this class is because we need to learn how to control our kids, which would be fine if both of my kids were out of control but they aren't. My daughter is a very well behaved kid, a lot like her brother was years ago.
    They are pushing us so hard to take this class that she tried to tell me that it is illegal for our PSR workers to come into the home and work with the family. Sorry, but if they aren't allowed to do that then I am not sure what their job is supposed to be. Of course, it is focused on getting my son to change his behavior but, they also try to help us find ways to deal with punishments.
    I was in tears about halfway through the appointment because I am so sick of them treating us like we are bad parents.
    Has anyone had any experience with the PLL program? Is it even worth our time? I started looking into places that do neuropsychologist evaluations and the closest one I have found is just over 300 miles away. I am hoping that I can find one closer.
    One funny thing about the visit is that she finally said he had ODD issues when in the past she told me he didn't, even though I had been telling her that since we started seeing her. Of course, she is not treating him for those symptoms because they are apparently not important.
    Anyway, that's my rant for the day. All this stress and I have my daughter's friend spending the night and just had another friend call me to see if I could pick up her kid and watch her for awhile. Of course I said yes, I am such a sucker. Oh well, with any luck she will actually show up on time to get her kid and the day will be over soon.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I am so sorry. Our psychiatrists don't do therapy either. We have to go to a psychologist for that which is fine with me. If you are that unhappy with the psychiatrist, I would seriously consider finding a better one. Is this psychiatrist a child/adolescent psychiatrist? From the sound of what you said, my guess is maybe not. That would also be something to consider.

    Our closest neuropsychologist is 200 miles away but it was very worth it for the information we got. If you can't find one closer, consider going to that one. You might find that it was worth it too.

    Good luck and keep us posted.
  3. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Sounds like not the right doctor for you. The way it seems to work with kids is a psychologist or therapist to talk to, and a shrink to issue medications. I know as a teen I saw a psychologist and the shrink (who luckily, in my case, had been my pediatrician when I was little) was the one who wrote scripts if I needed them.
    Not sure how it works here for adults, once my insurance kicks in, I intend to try to find out!
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Lately it seems to be the standard in pediatric psychiatric care for docs to just do medications and not therapy. It is more and more common in adult psychiatrists also, though there are some who still do therapy. They can do the medication writing a lot faster and see more patients if they just do medications and there are a lot of counselors, social workers, psychologists, etc... who do therapy and don't charge as much so insurance cos push psychiatrists to do more medications and less therapy.

    Is the program Parenting iwth Love and Limits or Parenting with Love and Logic?? If it is love and logic - JUMP ON IT. A lot of us use the love and logic books and methods because they stress logical consequences and still work on preserving the loving bond between parent and child. You can learn more at . I have actually been to a one day seminar given by Dr. Charles Fay Sr and it was worth many times what I spent on it. It was mostly aimed at teachers but I still got a ton out of if.

    I like it because it really empowers parents, at least it does as presented in the books. The website lists all of their books and the formats they are available in (including audiobook, which can be very helpful). You can buy them through the site or from most bookstores - if they are not in stock they can be ordered.

    A big part of getting the docs to move past their basic "one from column a and two from column b" recommendations is to jump through these hoops. It means taking the class, trying the behavior chart again their way for a short period of time - long enough for your kid to again prove he won't do it, etc... Then they can move past their automatic "ineffective parenting" and be sure that you understand their definition of parenting and discipline. At worst you get a few hours away from your kid listening to someone saying things that are dumb enough that you can snicker in your head and make fun of them with your spouse/us here on the board after the class. You have then "proven" that you are "working to be the best parent you can be" and the doctor can then start to look past her preconceived ideas.

    At best you will get some new ideas from the class, network with some other parents in your shoes and meet some new "experts" and locate some new resources. Yes, you are swamped and need real help and this may be a waste of your time. But if it will help you jump over the psychiatrist's assumptions that you are the problem not your child, then it is likely worth it - even though it is an annoying PITA to have to do this.

    Sadly, the basic stuff taught in a lot of parenting classes, that you likely do NOT need, is still stuff that many many many many parents do not grasp until they have been lead through it time and time and time again. Some kids act like difficult children simply because no one at their home ever says no or sets limits, much less enforces them. I have seen it myself and been shocked! I have seen lots of parents who say "Jonny don't do that, Jonny you don't want to do that Jonny that isn't okay" over and over without EVER bothering to get up and go make it stop or not happen.

    You are NOT this kind of parent, but you still have to get through the basic stuff like the classes because the psychiatrists etc... see a TON of kids who act like difficult children simply because of this. So it takes a while for the psychiatrists to weed out the true difficult children from the parentally induced difficult children. Not every doctor, psychiatrist, therapist, etc... ever gets past that, but the decent ones do.

    Getting the results of the neuropsychologist would be worth the 300 mile drive if the testing is done properly. The results can be THAT helpful.

    You also may want to try to find a developmental pediatrician (esp with an Aspergers or other autism diagnosis) as they have different training but can be as helpful as a psychiatrist. Our dev pediatrician actually was a board cert child and adolescent psychiatrist as well as board cert in developemental pediatrics. I do not know if all dev peds are, but ours was.

    In the meantime, look for a therapist, licensed clinical social worker (Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)), or psychologist to handle the therapy for the family. If a psychiatrist isn't interested you sure don't want to force them to do it. Then you will be SURE they muck it up.

    You can find many of these resources at children's hospitals or major university hospitals.

    In the meantime, do something nice for yourself this weekend!!
  5. Cyberthrasher

    Cyberthrasher New Member

    Thanks for the responses everyone. Kat had a pretty rough day with all of this. I don't think his doctor or the caseworker have ever been called on their shortcomings because they both about have a meltdown every time I set them straight about what they're doing wrong.

    Susie, I think it was the Love and Logic that we had read one of their books. I forget what the problem was exactly with it. I just remember that it didn't seem right to me.

    His previous primary clinical sessions were with an Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), who actually owns the company. He's currently seeing someone else in the same office and everybody there is really good to us. I know Kat can call his PSR workers anytime and they'll come help her with him if they're available.

    Our main issue with finding a different doctor is the fact that he's on Medicaid right now, so there aren't any around that accept it. How spendy are the neuropsychologist exams? I have a feeling that the state is likely to deny it, so I'll probably end up having to find the money somehow. I'm more than willing to go the 300+ miles though if that what it takes.
  6. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    My kid is on Medicaid, too. Fastest way I've found to get a list of who else takes it is to call the mental health portion of insurance and explain clearly (tearfully doesn't hurt) that the present provider is not helping and who else could see him?
  7. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    It depends on the state you are in. I am in Minnesota and my son had no problem seeing a neuropsychologist with his Medicaid. I didn't even need a referral from anyone else first. Go with HaoZi's advice about that.
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am on medicaid and my son has been on medicaid for most of his life and we have never had any problem accessing any mental health care. In fact, medicaid has opened up more doors for access than private insurance has been able to open for most people.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Kfmews, yes, most psychs today do not do therapy, just medications. Still, this one sounds like a tough one and I would find another. You've got to "click."
    So sorry.
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Almost all university hospital psychiatrists and NeuroPsychs take Medicaid and they are also in my opinion the best and brightest at these teaching facilities. It may be a hike to find one, but definitely worth it at least for a diagnosis. and treatment plan. We're on Medicaid too. Everything was covered.