soon to be ADHD/ODD(ASPD as adult)/PTSD stepdad who needs help

[stepdadWITHadhd]

hi everybody,

as a child I suffered from ODD/ADHD/Anxiety/depression. and for the most part still do, I'm just an adult now and am actually using the resources necessary to learn to deal with them...

after finding this site i signed up not to myself though, my fiance' has two boys. one age five and the other is age seven. My concern is that i am noticing the characteristics of several disorders in oldest.
currently we cannot seek testing due to the involvement of DHS in our lives (who believe it or not, is intentionally trying to sabotage my fiance's mental heath conditions in order to use them as an excuse in order to keep the boys from us) but I was hoping that i could at least share what I've been noticing. I know how parents of disabled kids become. my mother had me and my autistic little brother to raise, and she slowly became a walking talking information terminal...

anywho, reply if you wouldn't mind discussing this with me

thank you

 

[JJJ]

Welcome.

Are the boys currently in DHS custody? or in your (or her?) home with DHS involvement? Usually they really push for testing and therapy.

 

[stepdadWITHadhd]

yes, one would think. but you see, for some reason it seems that "procedure" and the way this case is being handled are two completely different things. the children were removed from the home back in the middle of march by CPS. because the home supposedly smelled strongly of marijuana. When in fact my fiance had already told them that she used marijuana occasionally to counteract the effects of her type of bi-polar. then after she provided them with proof that she was clean they almost instantly switched focus from possible narcotic abuse. To me, and man i'll tell you what the have had every spotlight in the tri-county area on me since. in order to make any headway with this department we had to contact several supervisors who finally decided that the case was being mismanaged and we were reassigned a new worker. because of this we have had to start all over! now in addition to three random pbt/ua's Ive also had to enroll myself in domestic violence classes due to a previous charge from about 8 years ago, as well as have a drug-abuse and psychological assessment. so to be perfectly honest i really dont trust these ppl with getting the oldest tested out of concern that they will try and blame any potential disorders on my fiance.

 

[Marguerite]

I don't know exactly what DHS is, but it sounds like some kind of welfare mob.

As for how us parents get - my kids reckon I see autism and Asperger's under every rock. If you are seeing some of your own childhood issues (or your brother's) in your fiance's kids, that could be with good reason. Yo do get to see in others what you yourself know so well.

What I suggest you do, is read around this site, especially the stickies. Get your fiance to read too, if you feel she can handle it. She sounds like she has a lot on her plate. But the information here might be able to help, in a number of ways. If the problems with the boys have been even partly responsible for the custody problems, then finding some answers could ease things there.

Welcome.

Marg

 

[TerryJ2]

Welcome, StepDadWITHhadadhd,
I'm guessing the abbrev is Department of Health Services.
Why would they want to keep the boys from you? Is there an ex-spouse involved?

I am glad that you are noticing things in your kids and that you want to do something about it. Early intervention is key.
You don't have to have a professional diagnosis--if you have eyes, ears and a brain, you can figure out a lot of it by yourself.
B4 my son was diagnosis'd, I read The Bipolar Child, and Children With Asperger's and both books helped immensely. You can put a lot of interventions in place that are effective and common sense, such as strict routines, especially bedtimes and sleep, that will prevent meltdowns.