Sorry I have been awol... update

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by toughlovin, Oct 10, 2013.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Hi all,

    Well I kind of just took a break from the forum... various reasons but mostly just trying to avoid thinking about things although that did not really work. Anyway I think about all of you and thought I should check back in.

    I am completely and thoroughly frustrated and trying not to let it all get to me too much... but it is anyways.

    I think the last time I wrote was in mid August when my son was sent back to jail after being in a psychiatric unit for 2 weeks for being suicidal. He is in jail basically because he has no other place to go until drug court can find a bed for him in a dual diagnosis program.

    The problem is they cant seem to find him a bed... part of this is my sons fault because he has burned a lot of bridges. Part of it is just the screwed up system and the fact that there are way more people needing treatment than beds.

    A couple of weeks ago I woke up in the middle of the night thinking that I should just request that he come home. I have no idea if they would let him come home or not but i just feel this strong mommy need to save/rescue him again!! I guess it was lucky that when I brought it up with my husband he said he was really uncomfortable with that. I am usually the stronger clearer one but not that time. So anyway we did not do that. Probably a very good thing because I do think it would probably be a disaster.

    In some ways I dont think being in jail has been a bad thing, it certainly has got him more willing to do whatever it takes. Not sure how much he recognizes his drug problem but he does admit that he uses to deal with what goes on in his head.

    And finally (after several weeks of difficulty) he is on medications properly and has been for a few weeks now. I can definitely see a difference. So between being on medications and being sober he seems to be thinking more clearly and is actually doing ok.

    So like I said I dont think it is all bed.... but I dont think at this point any more time in jail... in the holding area because he has not been sentanced so there is nothing positive in terms of programs... is helpful.

    And the fact they cant find him a bed is just driving me nuts.... and it makes it all very hard.

    On top of all that my dad, who is 96 is in the process of dying. He is across the country but I did fly out and see him a few weeks ago. He has had a good life and it is the natural order of things but it is one more stressor.

    The good news is that my daughter is having a great time her freshman year and is coming home this weekend for the first time which I am reallylooking forward to.

    Love you all.... and I will try to keep up better.

  2. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Wow TL,
    We've missed you! No worries about being awol...I'm the same way too. Sometimes there is just too much going on in our heads and it's hard to share it.

    I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. Gentle hugs to you.
    He sounds like a great man that has lived and loved well...but it still has to be very painful.

    I'm also sorry to hear that there is no bed avail in a treatment facility yet. But on the other hand, it sounds like difficult child is accepting where he is at and is adjusting to "life on life's terms". When my oldest was first sent to jail many yrs ago now, he threatend, he begged, and was just horrible to visit...fighting being there ya know.

    I sure hope a bed becomes available soon. I know that pull at your heart...I have it too. But your husband is right that having difficult child come back home would likely not be a good idea. We tried it as you know with young difficult child and it was a much so that young difficult child is now talking about just making it the next 3 months at his mother in law's and then finishing his sentence in prison. As he told me today..."I've already done it so I know I will be okay".
    It's amazing what our children can handle even though our hearts hurt watching them going through it all.

    It is REALLY good to see you again.
    Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.
  3. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Nice to see you again, TL. :consoling:
  4. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Thank you for updating - I have been thinking about you!! I SO get that feeling of needing to rescue. But usually it is the worst thing we can do... (((HUGS)))
  5. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Well my dad passed away early this morning. It sounds like he died in his sleep and it was peaceful. My brother was with him yesterday and the day before. Sounds like he rallied for the visit. I am doing ok.... not surprised at all as I was guessing it would be soon.

    It is weird though because today si also difficult children 22nd birthday! I cant see him today because there are not visiting hours. 22 years ago today my dad came to visit me with his 2nd wife. I had been very estranged from them both and 22 years ago we mended all that on the day that unknown to us difficult child was born.... and now my dad passed away on this day as well. So it feels like we have come full circle in a way.

    But I am having a lot of mixed emotions today but am doing ok. My daughter is visiting home from college and that helps a lot!

  6. Petunia

    Petunia New Member

    TL, So sorry for your loss. Will keep you in thoughts and prayers for the days ahead.
  7. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Gosh TL I read your first post and was about to respond when I saw this last one. I very sorry for your loss. My dad will be 94 in Dec and we too were estranged for several years but have mended things so I feel like we are kindred spirits. I'm also saddened that after all this time they haven't been able to find a bed for your son in a treatment facility. I will continue to send good thoughts that he will get the help he needs.

    I've missed you and thought about you often, but certainly understand having to take a break.

  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I have no wisdom to pass along, TL, but I surely am thinking of you and your family and sending prayers your way.DDD
  9. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Oh my TL,
    What an emotional time for you.

    Prayers for comfort and peace in the days ahead.
  10. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry about your Dad, TL, along with everything else you're dealing with. I am so glad, however, that your daughter is home this means a lot. Hugs to you.
  11. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am sorry for your loss TL. Sending prayers for your family.........
  12. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Thank you all for the welcome back as well as the sympathy.... it kind of hit me today. I just feel down and sad and the way it is really coming out is my overwhelming grief about my difficult child and his situation. I know the grief about my dad is triggering the grief around what is going on with my son.... and the fact that my dad died on my sons birthday did not help!!! I will get through this but it is becoming clear to me that I have to stay really busy for a while.

  13. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I want to add my sympathies about your dad. I can imagine that losing him on your son's birthday makes it even harder.

    Thank you for update. All of us need to take a break from the board from time to time.

  14. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Just thinking about you and sending hugs and care.