Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Sorry I have been lurking
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 632400" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hon, you are absolutely right that you matter too and this SS's drug addiction affects you. And I think it is smart to step back because there is nothing you or your husband can do to stop his dangerous dance until he wants to quit. You are actually lucky to be able to already be the one standing back. I don't know if your husband and you have talked about it, but have you two gone for marital counseling? This is actually a problem that greatly affects your marriage. Sounds like your husband should probably disengage from ex. He doesn't have to talk to her, but is choosing to do so. He is listening to her abuse when he has the option to walk away. So that is his challenge...to detach from his ex like he is detaching from his son. And to learn he can't control his ex, his son's mother, if she wants to still enable his behavior. Talking to her and getting a barrage of abuse from her is not necessary and will not help anybody. But only he can decide to walk away from her.</p><p></p><p></p><p>You have even less control over ex than husband... and stepson's dance with danger is not her fault either. It is nobody's fault except stepsons. What his mother does, what his father does, what you do...with him being his age...it doesn't matter. It won't help him. If you can, go to an Al-Anon or Narc-Anon meeting, with or without your husband, to learn how to cope in a healthier way with the drama surrounding you. Your husband is allowing his son to draw him into his drug addiction and he either will learn to step back or he won't learn and until/unless he learns to detach with love, your life will be complicated by the drama he is choosing to engage in with his son and his ex. But you don't have to join the fray.</p><p></p><p>You have 0% control over anybody else, but you have 100% control over yourself, your own life, and how you choose to handle the drama of others. Those of us on this board have mostly decided to detach with love from those who have drawn us into their own "stuff." It is hard to see someone we love, like your husband, struggling with his son's drug addiction in an unhealthy way, but we can learn how to pull back to live a fruitful, fun life in spite of the bad choices of others we care about.</p><p></p><p>Lots of hugs and good wishes for you. Others will come along...many far more eloquent than me. Do something absolutely, sinfully wonderful for yourself today...like ordering a triple hot fudge sundae with whipcream and enjoying every bite <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> Look at the beauty of the sky and smell the flowers. Breathe in deeply. Enjoy those little things that we tend to ignore, especially when we are mired in the chaos surrounding us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 632400, member: 1550"] Hon, you are absolutely right that you matter too and this SS's drug addiction affects you. And I think it is smart to step back because there is nothing you or your husband can do to stop his dangerous dance until he wants to quit. You are actually lucky to be able to already be the one standing back. I don't know if your husband and you have talked about it, but have you two gone for marital counseling? This is actually a problem that greatly affects your marriage. Sounds like your husband should probably disengage from ex. He doesn't have to talk to her, but is choosing to do so. He is listening to her abuse when he has the option to walk away. So that is his challenge...to detach from his ex like he is detaching from his son. And to learn he can't control his ex, his son's mother, if she wants to still enable his behavior. Talking to her and getting a barrage of abuse from her is not necessary and will not help anybody. But only he can decide to walk away from her. You have even less control over ex than husband... and stepson's dance with danger is not her fault either. It is nobody's fault except stepsons. What his mother does, what his father does, what you do...with him being his age...it doesn't matter. It won't help him. If you can, go to an Al-Anon or Narc-Anon meeting, with or without your husband, to learn how to cope in a healthier way with the drama surrounding you. Your husband is allowing his son to draw him into his drug addiction and he either will learn to step back or he won't learn and until/unless he learns to detach with love, your life will be complicated by the drama he is choosing to engage in with his son and his ex. But you don't have to join the fray. You have 0% control over anybody else, but you have 100% control over yourself, your own life, and how you choose to handle the drama of others. Those of us on this board have mostly decided to detach with love from those who have drawn us into their own "stuff." It is hard to see someone we love, like your husband, struggling with his son's drug addiction in an unhealthy way, but we can learn how to pull back to live a fruitful, fun life in spite of the bad choices of others we care about. Lots of hugs and good wishes for you. Others will come along...many far more eloquent than me. Do something absolutely, sinfully wonderful for yourself today...like ordering a triple hot fudge sundae with whipcream and enjoying every bite :) Look at the beauty of the sky and smell the flowers. Breathe in deeply. Enjoy those little things that we tend to ignore, especially when we are mired in the chaos surrounding us. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Sorry I have been lurking
Top