sorryagain.. I cant do this anymore -Looks like maybe hes going late

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Confused, Oct 4, 2013.

  1. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Im at my last straw with the shutups, demands, threats, hitting, kicking, poring glue on doorknobs, coloring on walls, pulling light plugs outa plugs, breaking things, demanding complete silence until we are frozen statues and not breathing... he repeats himself over and over and over and over again to ask if something is clean or to ask something when hes upset or wants to get on our nerves. I just dont think he is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), he is purposely upsetting us..hence ODD. I cant wait 28 min until neuroloist office opens to ask for an opening or/and see if they will for sure do a complete evaluation and when. I dont want to sound ungrateful for the appointment on the 15th month but omg. Almost every morning, night is he**. I look forward to his school days once he's there..I hate to admit that.:crying: The weekends and Holidays I dread .. my sleep is worse because I know what the next day is going to be like. He hasnt been completing his homework again..classwork. Teacher signed him of for reading tutoring lab- title 1 for computers it tests for Learning D. He does not have a learning learning D!!!! He has no attention span.. non... ... and complete over the top beyond control ODD. Hey pediatrician said it too, what else is wrong i wonder.

    I need to get a babysitter to help me with him in the mornings..I need a tutor for homework cuz I just cant help him. I tried different ways. Home.. change, eat relax few than do it with short 20 min on and 10 off break.-Nope. I tried home relax, change, eat, play do it same breaks- nopes. I tried waking him up extra early to finish and nope!!!!!!!! Time out?? Time out ? hahahhaha he cant stay 5 seconds in a time out!!! Its clearing out time...everything from his room except for the bed, furniture and clothes. But it doesnt matter I cant keep him from our stuff/ his sister etc.14 more min Im calling neuro and asking more info, tips, asking if we can bring me paperwork before appointment so dr can look at as much as possible before we go.Is that wrong?

    Hes home ....will be late ..again... Ok, now my dad is attempting to take him late because he cant deal with him all day either. Plus he and I know tardys better than absence but still add up to absence.. so many absences and tardies equal fail 2nd grade :(

    Im sooooo sorry I sound like a no good mom .. I love my kids with my life and would do anything to help them.. but it seems like no matter what I do I cant help him or dont know how... I been wanting help for 5 years now.... I want therapy for all of us!!!! Yes Im calling district today
     
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Total lack of ability to focus IS a learning disability.
    There may be other things at work as well... school may actually be more of the problem than what you believe right now, but he does his best to behave there? Maybe he's fighting back so hard mornings and evenings because he really isn't coping with school at ALL?
     
  3. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    You do not sound like "a no good mom!" You sound fried and frazzled from trying to find appropriate help for your son and from having to deal with constant chaos at home. Although superwoman doesn't exist, it can sometimes seems like we need to be superwoman when it comes to finding appropriate diagnoses and interventions for our difficult children. It rots!

    Unfortunately it can take a long time to get an appointment. Although the 15th sounds like a long way off, it'll be here soon. Hang in there.

    I need to get going but want you to know I'm thinking of you today... Hugs... SFR

    P.S. I totally agree with what IsaneCdn wrote.
     
  4. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Hi Confused. Sorry you are having to go through this. Just to add to the voices: you are of course not a bad mother, just a stressed human being having to cope with a lot of difficulty.
    From the little one can tell over the internet, your boy sounds very anxious. And it sounds like school is creating a lot of the anxiety and pressure for him, aggravating the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) stuff?
    How I wish homework had never been invented - seriously! And that alternative forms of education existed that were freely available and free... but that is not how things are, so... all the same, some people refuse to do homework or get it written into the special education programme. It just does not help anything.
    Is your appointment the 15th of October? Just 10 days or so to go... nearly there! I do hope it begins to bring some answers and some relief for you all.
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Just to repeat: a neurologist can test him for seizures, but won't be able to diagnose any childhood disorders and won't do the right kind of testing THAT WILL GET HIM HELP (which is the key). Not sure why you can't get in to see a neuropsychologist. An Odd label, at least if you live in the US, won't get your child any help. It will just get him a bad reputation and most likely you will unlikely be seen as a bad mom, which you aren't. Your son was born like this. You didn't cause it.

    Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is one of those diagnoses that usually accompanies another one and does not stand alone. It is actually a f orm of anxiety, which also does not normally stand by itself. In fact, most kids are complex and rarely do our kids have one diagnosis. A neuropsychologist can give you the big picture though and give you something to hang your hat on that will get your child help. A neurologist, not so much.

    I wish you luck. This is hard. I know. I went through it. Getting the right diagnosis. is difficult. Please do not try to diagnose him yourself though. You are too emotionally involved. Certainly he has ODD as part of the problem, but I'm sure you will find that it is not the main problem. Something else is fueling it. It is not his fault nor yours.

    Hugs!!!

    All
     
  6. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Thanks all. Your right, I didnt realize that lack of focus was a learning disibilty. But she( principal) is saying he doesnt understand the material.. cant put together, but yet says hes bright?? Maybe I misunderstood again. This is what I mean, I cant think or focus myself anymore. Im so stressed and I am a human punching bag/ zombie. Plus both my dad and grandafther heart condition/ other issues, and no job ya... Im beyond a full plate. But his old Speech Teacher and Teacher agree with each other that he does understand the material but its his lack of focus and of course the getting up outa seat- hyper part of ADHD.

    Im soo sorry to be here all the time complaining of the same thing. Yes the appointment is Oct15, I know we are so close. I am still afraid deep down that he will say that he is fine, just discipline!!! Without an evaluation too. My son will most likely be an angel in the office and show no anger or defiance because a new place.( My friend said her daughter did the same until they showed the Dr a video of her daughter acting up and the child went crazy :(. Then they said" oh we see as if they didn't believe the parent/grandparents) That's because of the pediatrician doctors saying nothing wrong and that Psychiatrist showing us the rolled eyes and door. Blame all us. I still dont think this is all normal and what all kids do- I have disciplined as u know.

    I see what your saying about school. My son does hold it in at school he said, just when he gets angry sometimes.. but its not all the time. I think ..no...I Know no matter what school I have him in, I will have the same issues. Most time he's good around new people/places and BOOM!!!! He has been himself lets make deals he says, a lil argumentative but still not out of line ( surprisingly) with his new teacher from day one except the violence. Im looking into it.

    I didn't like h.w. either!!! I hear ya esp for our kids, getting their classwork done is hard enough.
     
  7. Confused

    Confused Guest

    MidwestMom, thank you as well. According to the pediatrician and this Neurologist he can do the evaluation. Im going to double check with the Neurologist office right now. Yes, I do agree the seizures part cuz my neighbor had her daughter there for sleep disorder checking for them. Im going to look again...

    Hugs back and to all
     
  8. sunnysunshine77

    sunnysunshine77 New Member

    Stay strong.... We are built stronger than we realize sometimes.
     
  9. soapbox

    soapbox Member

    I'm going to agree with the principal. :)

    Here are some examples:
    1) he is having challenges with focus... which means that a LOT of what is said in terms of instruction, gets missed. So, he really does NOT know what he is supposed to do, but it isn't because he cannot learn it, it is because in his current state and environment, learning is not happening.

    2) perhaps he is dealing with a hidden disability such as Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) - in particular, auditory figure ground. A person can have normal hearing... and not HEAR in all environments. In particular, people with auditory figure ground problems tend to hear everything, and can't filter out the background noise. This makes it difficult or impossible to focus on what the teacher is saying. It takes a huge effort to attempt to hear, success is limited, and burnout is guaranteed, especially in a typical school environment. Any idea how noisy a GOOD classroom is? the scratch of pencils on paper, rustling paper, somebody blowing their noise, the rattle of the heating system, the rain on the window, shuffling feet, dropped erasers... and that's without the more frequent classroom problems, like whispering!

    Just my opinion but I'm guessing there is more going on than what his current diagnosis list indicates. We made little progress in getting help at school until we got a more complete diagnosis list... and THEN school said... sure, we can do X, and Y and A,B,C,D,E... "we had no idea he needed that"... <I only asked for that stuff for 10 years running, but... >
     
  10. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Thank you both and this is something else I will write down to bring. I hope I am stronger than what I thought but just doesnt seem that way. I see what your saying about the environment issues. Well, I was told originally he can do the evaluation for all, but you all here are right...again!! :) He cant. Soo.. I am still keeping the reffereal for the 15th to go there because the lady said they can evaluation him for ADHD in that 1hr 1/2 and send him for treatment/ and maybe medications depending on Dr finding that day!!!!!. I hate medications an am against them but... at least a trial and my son is being braver than me and said before its ok ( he heard the pediatrician mention them). I pray even if my son is an angel in his office and gives his all, the Dr still pays attention to what the teachers have written, as well as the speech teacher ( old) .As well as us. He will send us to the Neurolopscyh as you all stated, now to see if they take the insurances. But I am going to call all of them today, Google reviews and talk to each one see when I could get an appointment. I know when I call my son pediatrician, he will send a referral over right away. I love this particular pediatrician!!!

    I will start trying harder not to figure out whats wrong and to focus what the Principal is saying. I didnt used to do that but.. I caved.

    Ok, Im breathing now and going to try to think clearer and not jump. Well, like I told my son we all have things to work on together
     
  11. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    For the record... in many kids, Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) ends up looking like ADHD...
    How?
    Try attending a lecture with ear plugs in, and see how long you can pay attention!

    With Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) it isn't that they aren't hearing, it's that they are not following what is happening, but it is the same effect. How can you focus on what you cannot "hear"/"follow"?
     
  12. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Thank you InsaneCdn, I am going to look up his Speech records this weekend starting from his first evaluation from ECI. I know I mentioned here before about his Speech issues so just as a brief Speech reminder, he was in Speech From age two until three which he had a break while I looked and "applied "for another one because his ECI services ended. Age 3/4 he started again and just ended on his 7th birthday. Im in contact still with his last speech teacher so I will ask her again. I just bookmarked the Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) site so I have some re-reading to do
     
  13. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Do not listen to the principal. He is an educator, not one who can diagnose and tell you what is wrong with your child. And don't let "I'm around kids so I've seen so much" make you give him any more credibility. He could have been all wrong about those kids too. The fact is educators are appallingly unsure of most diagnoses and tend to call everything ADHD. I personally don't believe this is just ADHD. But I'm not a doctor either.

    Problems with speech is common with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) too and it's a common disorder. You'll have to have your chlid evaluated to see what the problem is and 1 1/2 hours looking ONLY for ADHD would make me nervous. Lots of disorders mimic ADHD. Is he incapable of checking for any other things? Can't he do more testing? 1 1/2 hrs is a very small window of time.

    I hope you can find all your answers. Some of us find out sooner, some later. Most of our kids do not end up with the diagnosis we thought they had in the beginning. As they get older, it becomes more obvious and it is easier for a neuropsychologist (I still like them best...lol) to diagnose.

    medications can make things better, but they can also make things worse. Beware. If your child is given a medication and suddenly gets worse, it is probably the medication, even if the doctor says "No, no, no, let's up the dose!!!" Read about any medication your child is given and focus on the possible side effects so that you are "in the know."
     
  14. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Thanks MidwestMom. I will look into it. But then why didnt the Speech therapist continue services if he had Auditory Processing Disorders (APD)? She cleared him around his 7th birthday. Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) maybe... Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) I still am just not soaking that one in. The pediatrician Neurologist, is a regular pediatrician MD who specials in Seizures ( sleep issues) and ADHD. But the office says they will send me out to a Neuropscyh( but Im actually looking for one on my own and going to ask their pediatrician to give me a quick referral. )

    How long is ADHD testing? How do they do it?

    I do see how things mimic ADHD,like Thyroid, food allergies, lack sleep/quality sleep, etc. So I would also like eliminate them as well. Hopefully I find someone who can. I will be careful with medications- I heard Concerta is the lesser of all evils for ADHD. I been reading up and I dont like any of them....
     
  15. soapbox

    soapbox Member

    Because not all forms of Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) affect speech. Auditory figure ground is one of the types of Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) that does NOT affect speech... some SLPs are able to screen for this, many don't do these detailed screenings (lack of equipment, for one thing). The number of kids who have problems with auditory figure ground and who never get help, is surprisingly high. Our PhD Audiology specialist said she gets referrals for maybe 10% of the volume of kids she should be seeing... and she's the only one doing testing in our area.

    As far as medications go... the two oldest ADHD medications are methylphenidate (Ritalin, Concerta, others), and Dexedrine (don't remember the generic name). Both are very fast acting... as in, the body breaks these down and gets them out of the system in less than a day. This is partly why they get used for early trial medications... short-acting Ritalin has an effective dosage life of about 3.5 to 4 hours, and is out of the body in 8. If it doesn't work... you can adjust the dosage tomorrow. If there's a reaction, you just stop taking it.
     
  16. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Hi Confused. According to everything I've read there is no one worse or better ADHD medication - it is all dependent on the individual child. They all seem to work differently case by case and you don't know how it will be until you try. In my less than expert opinion :) I tried a 2 day experiment with a long-release variant of Ritalin - a disaster. As IC said, they leave the body quickly but really I don't see how that is all that much of a virtue if the side effects are dramatic.
     
  17. Confused

    Confused Guest

    soapbox, Oh I see. Ok, I will check into that for sure just to rule out or if it is- or is part of it. I guess I would have to get a referral from his pediatrician for the Audiologist. Thanks for the info. I know after seeing those Ritalin Lawsuit comercials, I have ruled out that one out. I know they they all can have their issues tho.

    Malika,I remember you saying you had an issue with Ritalin. That what I wonder- is the side effects worth the issues of the medications. But then.. I think of my son who is ok with the medications and who is so scred he will fail. I keep reminding him medications dont work alone, try try and dont give up, finding ways to handle it without them will help too! I will see what the Dr says and when it comes down to it.

    Im scared if he does get on medications next week ( besides health issues with them) that it could mask other problems.. can they mask them? Im soo confused. Ha, just like my name states!!! Honestly, my name confused should of really been my middle name!!!
     
  18. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    You'll have a very hard time getting a diagnosis of Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) in the US. If that's the issue. Funny thing is, the school diagnosed my daughter with having an Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) and they were wrong. She got special services because she was eight and could not read or understand how to put sounds of letters together. They couldn't ignore a kid who was not defiant and tried hard, but couldn't read in third grade.
     
  19. Confused

    Confused Guest

    I bet it was hard finding out they didn't diagnose her right :(
     
  20. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Just imagine how much worse it is if it takes a week or more to get a badly-reacting medication out of your system... We've been fortunate to never have bad reactions (we've had medications "not work" but that isn't like a bad reaction!), but I've always been more wary of medications that take time to build up in your system and time to ramp down, for that reason.
     
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