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<blockquote data-quote="jamrobmic" data-source="post: 35714" data-attributes="member: 1412"><p>I think most of us have been through the confusing maze of different professionals giving different diagnosis, and then of course, you have family and friends giving their "informed" opinions. I finally decided to give my son the benefit of the doubt and proceed as if there were something wrong besides his just being a bad kid (this was before we had a diagnosis, and we also had our share of people telling us we just needed to be tougher with our son). Even though we did finally get a diagnosis, and our son improved immensely with treatment, there are still those who don't believe he has any kind of disorder. It's hard, but I just have to let them think what they want. I quit trying to convince them.</p><p></p><p>I hope you don't feel attacked, and I didn't mean to imply that your ex is a bad parent. It sounds like he's a reasonable guy who loves his son and is probably just as frustrated as you by his/your son's behavior (as any of us would be). I know my husband and I were both driven to the edges of our sanity (maybe beyond, lol) by our son. Dealing with a difficult child takes you places as a parent you never thought you'd go. My husband did use a belt on our son once. He didn't do it again because he was afraid he might do what your ex did-leave a mark. It's easy to lose your temper when your child constantly pushes you to the edge. I haven't hit my son with a belt, but I've said some pretty awful things to him. I'm sure there are people who think I'm the world's worst mother, but I truly love my son. I hated what he was for the longest time, and I was very angry with him. We all got through it, as awful as we were to each other at times. I don't think anyone was permanently damaged. </p><p></p><p>The only point I was trying to make was that in our case, no amount of force or authority (of any kind) worked. We had to get at the cause (our son's illness) and treat that before things improved. You have to decide what will or won't work for your family. I think each of us does what we think is best for our kids, and I know the same is true of you and your ex (and your current husband).</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="jamrobmic, post: 35714, member: 1412"] I think most of us have been through the confusing maze of different professionals giving different diagnosis, and then of course, you have family and friends giving their "informed" opinions. I finally decided to give my son the benefit of the doubt and proceed as if there were something wrong besides his just being a bad kid (this was before we had a diagnosis, and we also had our share of people telling us we just needed to be tougher with our son). Even though we did finally get a diagnosis, and our son improved immensely with treatment, there are still those who don't believe he has any kind of disorder. It's hard, but I just have to let them think what they want. I quit trying to convince them. I hope you don't feel attacked, and I didn't mean to imply that your ex is a bad parent. It sounds like he's a reasonable guy who loves his son and is probably just as frustrated as you by his/your son's behavior (as any of us would be). I know my husband and I were both driven to the edges of our sanity (maybe beyond, lol) by our son. Dealing with a difficult child takes you places as a parent you never thought you'd go. My husband did use a belt on our son once. He didn't do it again because he was afraid he might do what your ex did-leave a mark. It's easy to lose your temper when your child constantly pushes you to the edge. I haven't hit my son with a belt, but I've said some pretty awful things to him. I'm sure there are people who think I'm the world's worst mother, but I truly love my son. I hated what he was for the longest time, and I was very angry with him. We all got through it, as awful as we were to each other at times. I don't think anyone was permanently damaged. The only point I was trying to make was that in our case, no amount of force or authority (of any kind) worked. We had to get at the cause (our son's illness) and treat that before things improved. You have to decide what will or won't work for your family. I think each of us does what we think is best for our kids, and I know the same is true of you and your ex (and your current husband). [/QUOTE]
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