SpEd Teacher was afraid of difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Shari, Feb 10, 2009.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Wee difficult child has blown up pretty much everyday since he's been at public school. But they have dealt with it and he remains positive about being there.
    Yesterday, in the SpEd room, wee difficult child was asked to read for 3 minutes. Something very challenging for him. He began ripping and shredding anything he could get his hands on it retaliation. He kicked and injured his favorite paras. Another para stepped in, as well as the SpEd teacher and the principal. They were unable to talk to him or stop him and he continued to destroy literally anything he could get ahold of. He spit on them, kicked them, cursed them, and tore the SpEd's shirt down the front.
    Finally, one para cleaned out all moveable objects in the bathroom and they put him in there. They started out with him in the room, but he continued to hurt them, so they stepped outside and monitored thru the door. When he seemed to calm down, the SpEd teacher opened the door to check on him and he immediately slammed her head in the door (thankfully no serious harm done). They closed the door again. This time, he ripped the paper towel dispenser off the wall (it was screwed into the cinder block wall with concrete anchors - and this school is less than 4 years old).
    SpEd teacher called in tears. She was afraid of difficult child.
    I'm not sure where we go from here. He's back in school today. I just needed to get it off my chest so I can focus on work. Thanks for listening.
  2. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    My complements to the Special Education teacher for hanging in there and keeping him in school and having his back after that.

    That outburst sounded dramatic oh my gosh! As a parent who has ruffled a few feathers I hope YOU survived the changes in your emotional force feild after that.

    Staying calm and staying safe and being with the youngster going through the storms of emotion is a challenge. I think it may be the direct route to helping the learning we all do know (those who do) when we let a bad wind blow through our vessel.

    That is why we have adults to guide us when we are young. It is not easy to be a human person. There is a lot to know about and it is suprisingly challenging. Weathering the emotions within and our own climate of emotional states is a very large part. More complex for some than others and we all have the same elements.
    Hope today goes well
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Shari, that's awful!

    Our difficult child has sent more than one babysitter to tears, but never a pro at school.
    I'd suggest having him write a note of apology, then buying her flowers and bringing them to her at school.
    That's short term but I think it will mean a lot to her.

    Long term ... he's got to get his rages under control. And now, the teachers know that he has to be left alone much longer. I learned that the hard way with-my difficult child, too. Sometimes it's the entire day. I would give it 20 min. and attempt a discussion. NOT.

    Keep breathing.
  4. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    That sounds like a pretty scary meltdown at school...I wish I had something to say to make it better.

    Just wanted to send some supportive thoughts your way...

  5. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator


    You may need to move to call a meeting and get difficult child into therapeutic day school.

    If not, and they fear for the safety of themselves or others, they can and will put him in an alternative ed place. Many times alternative ed is just a place to warehouse kids with-behavior problems.

    So sorry for difficult child, you and educators. Hugs
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I was just thinking, why is he melting down THERE? Is it the noise level? Fluorescent lights? Demands on his time, assignment deadlines? Speaking in front of the class? There's got to be a way to get to the bottom of it. It just sounds like they are not being proactive.
  7. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    My biggest fear is that they'll send him to the alternative school. When I first learned there was one in our county, I was excited about it...then I learned what it really is.

    Terry, I don't know what sets him off. Most days they can push him and challenge him a little. It always risks a meltdown when you challenge him, but they know that...they figured him out quickly. What made yesterday's so bad...? I don't know. They don't either.

    The scariest part is that he wasn't raging out of control yesterday (he often is not able to control himself and his teachers and para's were quick to figure this out and see it). Yesterday, they felt he was totally in control and very much aware of what he was doing. I've seen this in him, tho not often. That was the way he was when he killed the chicken, and when he nearly drove us out of the house in '06. Its not often, but its scarey, cause he doesn't care...
  8. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I would second the team meeting. I lets them see that you are really in this for the long haul, you care. Obviously!
    Yeah what triggers???
    I used to love that question! Some kids really do have triggers, some genuinely don't, that we can i.d.
    It can be a smell, a noise, a touch, a chair feeling out of place... something just a little wonky to their little bodies.
    At a young age it is so hard for them to really know what made them become unnerved and unglued.
    All of a sudden they are angry and trying to make that feeling or thing inside stop.

    Does he go to Occupational Therapist (OT)? I forget? I know you have horses, but has he ever done Therapeutic Riding?
    These seriously have been 2 of the best things for K and N. It helps them understand their emotions and their bodies, where their bodies are in relation to time and space. How to control their bodies.
    One thing we learned in Occupational Therapist (OT) was the engine theory.
    For K she runs very HIGH or LOW.
    Hardly in the middle which is just right.
    So we explained to her that her emotions and body were an engine, was she was crazy, angry our of control. That was when her engine was too high.
    When she was sad, slow, tired, slugish... that is when her engine is too low.

    When she is happy and feels good and can do her work and help calmly etc. Then her engine is just right!

    So we ask to tell us all of the time where her engine is. She shows us on her body, her tummy is just right, up high is too high, down low to her knees is too low.
    We ask and keep asking. We make her tell us.
    So now after about 2 years she can tell us. Or we can say it seems like you engine is getting high?

    It doesn't always work but it helps her understand herself a bit.
    Good luck with School
    Sorry it is so hard poor kid.
  9. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    He has done therapeutic riding. It got really hard to get him to go, and they focused more on physical problems, so we opted to not fight that battle. We ride on our own quite a bit tho. I agree, horses, for some reason, are amazing with children.
    Currently, only the school Occupational Therapist (OT) is all he's getting. We do the engine thing, tho. But yesterday, he was absolutely on before the incident, and again after. (another indicator that he wasn't completely out of control - if he's that far out there, he'll sleep after a rage - he was up til 9:30 last night).
  10. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I figured you had tried them! :(
  11. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Hugs. Sounds like a scarey situation for difficult child and the teachers.
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    Is it possible that the rages he sleeps after are seizure related? The sleeping after is what makes me think that.

    I am sorry he was so out of control, and so scary to the school staff. It is hard to know what to do in that situation. I think flowers and a note are a nice idea.

    Gentle hugs,