Spent the morning with difficult child

[dashcat]

That's really great, Nancy. And, Kimno, I'm going to respectfully disagree with you. I think giving our difficult child things, within reason (and this certainly was) makes sense. I think everyone, our difficult children included, needs to know that there's at least SOMEONE who has their back. This doesn't mean caving in on every little thing and/or being a doormat (and Nancy has proved she isn't one), but it means sometimes going that extra mile. I think, in doing so, we give our difficult children hope. If they run into defeat after defeat and brick wall after brick wall, it's easy to just give up.

Nancy is showing her difficult child that responsibility has its rewards.

Dash

 

[Nancy]

I agree with you Dash, I couldn't say it any better. I have given her so little in the past year. I want her to know that when she is acting in a responsible manner we will treat her as such. She knows we support her when she is doing the right thing.

I remember difficult child's psychiatrist telling me once that our difficult children need to know their parents are the ones they can always go to, that they will support them no matter what (not materially but emotionally). She knows that husband and I are always there for her.

Nancy

 

[rejectedmom]

Nancy this is so vey good to hear. Whenever one of our difficult children gets on track it gives the rest of us hope again. Thank you so much for sharing this update. -RM

 

[klmno]

I certainly didn't mean to come across like I didn't think Nancy should have her daughter's back or should not do anything for her daughter. I went back and read the posts I wrote and beleive it's clear. I hope Nancy remembers that I was very optimistic some mos ago but after several times of the daughter not pulling thru with what she said, I became less optimistic. I'm battling what my son says and what I want emotionally with what I see in my son and his hx right now so maybe protecting our hearts, as parents, is upfront in my mind right now. But I certainly meant no criticism to Nancy.

 

[Nancy]

klmno what did she not pull through with what she said?

Nancy

 

[dashcat]

Kimno,
I didn't think you were being critical of Nancy, nor did I feel you were unsupportive. I was simply pointing out that sometimes we, as parents of difficult children, cannot afford to be black and white. Sometimes we have to trust that supporting our kids doesn't always mean enabling. I do see your point, but I also respecfully disagree .. in this case.
Dash

 

[klmno]

I'm having major struggles right now with my heart and my son and what I think is in his best interests. That might be clouding my judgement and memory, and if it is, I apologize. I will bow out on that. I meant no harm or criticism. The only point I was trying to make, Nancy, is to protect your heart. Maybe that is more of a message to myself than to you.

 

[Nancy]

I don't know what it means to not pull through. Relapse? That's a given with an addict and you are educated to expect that.

I'm sorry I wrote that before I saw your response. One thing I want to say though is that we can't protect our hearts to the point where we stop hoping and stop encouraging our difficult child's to move forward and stop rewarding them for progress, no matter how small.

I'm sorry for your situation klmno, I know it's difficult.

Nancy

 

[busywend]

Nancy!!! This is such a lovely post. There were many days you thought this day would never happen. But, you pushed through and look at the rewards! A lovely day. We warrior moms know the value of that day all too well. You have become a model in staying strong and detaching. All in the best interest of your difficult child. It was just what she needed you to do. You are a great mom and it is nice for difficult child to post it for her FB world to see. Someday you might have to ressurect that post on FB, but that is OK everyone needs reminders to appreciate their loved ones now and then.

KLMNO - you are struggling and I am sorry. I am sure you did not mean anything negative. It is a difficult thing to figure out which path is best for our difficult children and at what point we need to change our paths. Thank goodness we have each other to bounce these things off so we can make the best choices.

 

[klmno]

thank you, BW! I must have misinterpreted or some of the things that have transpired over the past couple of mos. or confused Nancy's daughter with another member's difficult child.