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Spitting, hating, hitting . . . what do you DO?!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 174458" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I think you have a couple of things working against you here.</p><p></p><p>1) Your professional training. You have already raised a couple of PCs, so you've had some reinforcement that your methods are correct. But apparently not with THIS kid. One thing I've learned above all else, is that sometimes even when we know that what we do is good, is well-respected and works, we have to throw it out and find something new.</p><p></p><p>2) The "stop-it" stool. If this was working for THIS kid, you would have had some impact. You need to find another way.</p><p></p><p>That's not to say that a lot of your training can't come in handy, but for now you need to put it on the back burner and consider yourself a new student in the Conduct Disorders online course in how to survive a difficult child.</p><p></p><p>Notice to new student: the first lesson - read "The Explosive Child"; but since your required textbooks haven't come into the college bookstore yet, we'll have to give you some crib notes in the meantime. You will find an earlier paper written by a previous student, posted in the Early Childhood forum. These are written from the point of view of applying the book to younger children in particular so in your case this could well be valuable reading. Your "study buddy" (aka husband) will also need to be brought up to speed, as will your apprentices (the older sibs). This will act as good revision for you, to ensure you have taken Lesson 1 on board to the point where you can now put it into practice.</p><p></p><p>Next lesson - stand in front of the mirror each morning and tell yourself, "I am a good and loving parent. This is not my fault."</p><p></p><p>Final lesson on the list for today - when the two previous lessons have been satisfactorily completed (you must self-assess) then you can go back and re-visit your previous learning and experience, to see what is still very much of value, and what needs to be set aside, at least for this particular child.</p><p></p><p>Fast ready reckoner - emergency short-cuts for now.</p><p>1st - protect the other kids, even if it means quarantine.</p><p>2nd - try to not react unless it's vital for safety. That's only for now. Keep cool.</p><p>3rd - external professional opinion is needed, to see what other factors exist that are thoroughly beyond your control but which COULD respond to some level of external intervention (ie medications, therapy).</p><p></p><p>Other academics will offer further input in keeping with their respective expertise in their curriculum area.</p><p></p><p>In other words, we all pitch in and help where we have the best experience ourselves, but we've all had to unlearn a lot of good stuff, in order to re-learn some even better but more specific stuff.</p><p></p><p>I hope this can help.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 174458, member: 1991"] I think you have a couple of things working against you here. 1) Your professional training. You have already raised a couple of PCs, so you've had some reinforcement that your methods are correct. But apparently not with THIS kid. One thing I've learned above all else, is that sometimes even when we know that what we do is good, is well-respected and works, we have to throw it out and find something new. 2) The "stop-it" stool. If this was working for THIS kid, you would have had some impact. You need to find another way. That's not to say that a lot of your training can't come in handy, but for now you need to put it on the back burner and consider yourself a new student in the Conduct Disorders online course in how to survive a difficult child. Notice to new student: the first lesson - read "The Explosive Child"; but since your required textbooks haven't come into the college bookstore yet, we'll have to give you some crib notes in the meantime. You will find an earlier paper written by a previous student, posted in the Early Childhood forum. These are written from the point of view of applying the book to younger children in particular so in your case this could well be valuable reading. Your "study buddy" (aka husband) will also need to be brought up to speed, as will your apprentices (the older sibs). This will act as good revision for you, to ensure you have taken Lesson 1 on board to the point where you can now put it into practice. Next lesson - stand in front of the mirror each morning and tell yourself, "I am a good and loving parent. This is not my fault." Final lesson on the list for today - when the two previous lessons have been satisfactorily completed (you must self-assess) then you can go back and re-visit your previous learning and experience, to see what is still very much of value, and what needs to be set aside, at least for this particular child. Fast ready reckoner - emergency short-cuts for now. 1st - protect the other kids, even if it means quarantine. 2nd - try to not react unless it's vital for safety. That's only for now. Keep cool. 3rd - external professional opinion is needed, to see what other factors exist that are thoroughly beyond your control but which COULD respond to some level of external intervention (ie medications, therapy). Other academics will offer further input in keeping with their respective expertise in their curriculum area. In other words, we all pitch in and help where we have the best experience ourselves, but we've all had to unlearn a lot of good stuff, in order to re-learn some even better but more specific stuff. I hope this can help. Marg [/QUOTE]
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