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Spitting, hating, hitting . . . what do you DO?!
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<blockquote data-quote="becklit" data-source="post: 174489" data-attributes="member: 5395"><p>Thanks for the responses.</p><p></p><p>TOTORO - Thanks. Role playing is a good idea. I've tried the reward thing but I'm not very consistent because it gets exhausting. You just want your child to "behave for the sake of behaving" sometimes. At times when I've tried the reward system it seems his like his bad behavior escalates on purpose because he knows what I'm trying to do and he won't be manipulated/bribed. Also, the rewards that are <strong>meaningful to him</strong> are </p><p>a) things that seem to escalate the behavior and are things we are trying to limit (i.e. sugary treats and/or video game time. ) or b) terribly expensive (such as Star Wars toys). I will have to try again and maybe think of other non-material rewards such as one-on-one time spent with me or a trip to his favorite museum. It is such a temptation to "bribe" him with video game time because at least while he's playing he is leaving everyone alone. He would play for hours if I would let him, but my innate parenting style won't allow it because I know it's "not good for them". What do you think? I don't allow any violent, shoot 'em up games . . . the most aggressive one that he plays is Lego Star Wars (no blood and guts, just little lego people falling apart.) Is it okay to stick him in front of a game for my sanity? So far I've been super strict about limiting him. He probably plays for about an hour or two a week (if that) right now. </p><p>Thanks for your input. </p><p></p><p>MIDWEST MOM- I have a history of anxiety/depression and am on Wellbutrin for it. I am especially bad post-partum. I was actually hospitalized for a few days 6 weeks after the birth of difficult child because it was so severe. I often wonder if my struggles then, contributed to his struggles today. (i.e. Did I not bond appropriately? Did my feelings of overwhelmed , exhausted, inability to cope for awhile leave him permanently scarred?) Lots of guilt about that. My depression was in check for awhile and things were going great until a military move took us away from supportive friends. (That was 4 years ago!) I do not have a lot of support here, and the depression is escalating . . .</p><p></p><p>I think both of my parents have had some major bouts of depression although it has never been "diagnosed". They would deny it . . . major STIGMA about mental illness! They are good, functioning, wonderful loving people but I've seen signs over the years, especially now that I've learned a lot through my own experience. I've heard my dad's parents were a little "wacko" (I hate that term), but I've heard stories of his mom threatening to drink lye to get the kids to behave. There was also something about her chasing my grandpa around with a knife. My grandpa apparently was always having "heart attacks" that took him to the hospital frequently or got him out of doing work around the farm. (I wonder if these were panic attacks . . .) I have an aunt on the same side of the family that I don't know a lot about, but I know she was hospitalized and went through shock therapy for some kind of mental illness. My niece was diagnosed with Aspergers. So yes . . . there's history. </p><p></p><p>My son's early development seemed normal, except for the fact that he talked very well, very early. He was speaking in full sentences with an enormous vocabulary by age 2. He is 5 now, and is reading on about a 3rd grade (or higher) level. He is sensitive to loud noises, is very picky about what he will eat, and tags on clothes bother him. He has a hard time socially . . . wants friends but gets very bossy and impatient and kids lose the desire to associate with him. It breaks his (and my) heart. </p><p></p><p></p><p>After doing a lot of reading I was thinking it might be Aspergers, but the child psychiatric says it's not??? She says he has tendencies and characteristics of it, but it's definitely not Aspergers. </p><p></p><p>My husband has had a very difficult time with this child and has from the beginning. I love him, but he has his own issues (i.e. an explosive temper). <u>The following issues have since been resolved through the appropriate channels</u>and I hate mentioning them because they were not frequent or excessive (although ANY is too much) . . . but when my son was younger there were some incidents where my husbands temper got the best of him. I walked in one day when he was "patting the baby/difficult child" a little too hard on the bottom to get him to stop crying at age 4 months, a little later on some bruises were left on difficult child's legs from some squeezing , and there was an incident when difficult child was about 11 months old where daddy lost control with everyone and did some major yelling, pushing of me, and manhandling of the oldest two children. (Very uncharacteristic.) There is one other major incident that I can think of when my husband stuck his finger in my son's throat to get him to stop crying during a major tantrum throwing at about age 3. </p><p></p><p>This child has also been spanked more than any of the others because he is so incredibly hard to deal with. </p><p></p><p>Could any of these things be the CAUSE? None of these things were habitually repeated. It is not a case of consistent and violent abuse--just a few really bad random episodes. But were they bad enough to negatively affect a child for life? </p><p></p><p>Do I tell child psychologist about all of this? I fear it so badly because I'm afraid there will be a misunderstanding and my husband will get in trouble NOW even though it's been resolved through proper authority and is no longer an issue. He also HATES it being brought up because he is so mortified that anything ever happened. </p><p></p><p>Sorry so long . . . Help.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="becklit, post: 174489, member: 5395"] Thanks for the responses. TOTORO - Thanks. Role playing is a good idea. I've tried the reward thing but I'm not very consistent because it gets exhausting. You just want your child to "behave for the sake of behaving" sometimes. At times when I've tried the reward system it seems his like his bad behavior escalates on purpose because he knows what I'm trying to do and he won't be manipulated/bribed. Also, the rewards that are [B]meaningful to him[/B] are a) things that seem to escalate the behavior and are things we are trying to limit (i.e. sugary treats and/or video game time. ) or b) terribly expensive (such as Star Wars toys). I will have to try again and maybe think of other non-material rewards such as one-on-one time spent with me or a trip to his favorite museum. It is such a temptation to "bribe" him with video game time because at least while he's playing he is leaving everyone alone. He would play for hours if I would let him, but my innate parenting style won't allow it because I know it's "not good for them". What do you think? I don't allow any violent, shoot 'em up games . . . the most aggressive one that he plays is Lego Star Wars (no blood and guts, just little lego people falling apart.) Is it okay to stick him in front of a game for my sanity? So far I've been super strict about limiting him. He probably plays for about an hour or two a week (if that) right now. Thanks for your input. MIDWEST MOM- I have a history of anxiety/depression and am on Wellbutrin for it. I am especially bad post-partum. I was actually hospitalized for a few days 6 weeks after the birth of difficult child because it was so severe. I often wonder if my struggles then, contributed to his struggles today. (i.e. Did I not bond appropriately? Did my feelings of overwhelmed , exhausted, inability to cope for awhile leave him permanently scarred?) Lots of guilt about that. My depression was in check for awhile and things were going great until a military move took us away from supportive friends. (That was 4 years ago!) I do not have a lot of support here, and the depression is escalating . . . I think both of my parents have had some major bouts of depression although it has never been "diagnosed". They would deny it . . . major STIGMA about mental illness! They are good, functioning, wonderful loving people but I've seen signs over the years, especially now that I've learned a lot through my own experience. I've heard my dad's parents were a little "wacko" (I hate that term), but I've heard stories of his mom threatening to drink lye to get the kids to behave. There was also something about her chasing my grandpa around with a knife. My grandpa apparently was always having "heart attacks" that took him to the hospital frequently or got him out of doing work around the farm. (I wonder if these were panic attacks . . .) I have an aunt on the same side of the family that I don't know a lot about, but I know she was hospitalized and went through shock therapy for some kind of mental illness. My niece was diagnosed with Aspergers. So yes . . . there's history. My son's early development seemed normal, except for the fact that he talked very well, very early. He was speaking in full sentences with an enormous vocabulary by age 2. He is 5 now, and is reading on about a 3rd grade (or higher) level. He is sensitive to loud noises, is very picky about what he will eat, and tags on clothes bother him. He has a hard time socially . . . wants friends but gets very bossy and impatient and kids lose the desire to associate with him. It breaks his (and my) heart. After doing a lot of reading I was thinking it might be Aspergers, but the child psychiatric says it's not??? She says he has tendencies and characteristics of it, but it's definitely not Aspergers. My husband has had a very difficult time with this child and has from the beginning. I love him, but he has his own issues (i.e. an explosive temper). [U]The following issues have since been resolved through the appropriate channels[/U]and I hate mentioning them because they were not frequent or excessive (although ANY is too much) . . . but when my son was younger there were some incidents where my husbands temper got the best of him. I walked in one day when he was "patting the baby/difficult child" a little too hard on the bottom to get him to stop crying at age 4 months, a little later on some bruises were left on difficult child's legs from some squeezing , and there was an incident when difficult child was about 11 months old where daddy lost control with everyone and did some major yelling, pushing of me, and manhandling of the oldest two children. (Very uncharacteristic.) There is one other major incident that I can think of when my husband stuck his finger in my son's throat to get him to stop crying during a major tantrum throwing at about age 3. This child has also been spanked more than any of the others because he is so incredibly hard to deal with. Could any of these things be the CAUSE? None of these things were habitually repeated. It is not a case of consistent and violent abuse--just a few really bad random episodes. But were they bad enough to negatively affect a child for life? Do I tell child psychologist about all of this? I fear it so badly because I'm afraid there will be a misunderstanding and my husband will get in trouble NOW even though it's been resolved through proper authority and is no longer an issue. He also HATES it being brought up because he is so mortified that anything ever happened. Sorry so long . . . Help. [/QUOTE]
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