Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Spitting, hating, hitting . . . what do you DO?!
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 174929" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Thanks guys, for being so kind. Sometimes I worry I'm dumping too much stuff on you all.</p><p></p><p>Totoro, the overstimulation was our main issue with the gaming, especially difficult child 3. There was also a patch with difficult child 1 and a couple of games he played for a while; we pointed the problem out to him and suggested we all monitor it for awhile. Helping HIM se the issue was most important. Once difficult child 1 recognised the problem, it made it easier for him to find ways to deal with it. As he got older the overstimulation became less of an issue.</p><p></p><p>The thing is - if your kid is so hooked into gaming, there's really not a lot you can do, without clashing in a major way. And once the kid gets older and a bit more independent, they'll be back into it big-time WITHOUT any self-discipline you may have helped them put in place, and probably also without your input at the level they need.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 1 at one point (he had fallen behind in schoolwork) declared that he was going to not game for two weeks. And he was true to his word, although he regretted it very quickly. He was getting increasingly frantic for gaming and finding it very frustrating. He was trying to prove that he wasn't addicted to gaming.</p><p></p><p>We developed our different mindset to gaming as a result of our observations/experiences with the boys. Instead of viewing gaming as an addiction, we see it more now as a coping strategy and also positive training and education. However, it needs to be put in its place.</p><p></p><p>When they know that they are not barred from gaming, they can be more relaxed about it. When you try to over-regulate it, THAT is when you can find problems escalating.</p><p></p><p>I view it as equivalent to being told I can't ever, ever have chocolate, ever again. Or being told I can never use a computer again, never post again on CD!</p><p></p><p>Another thing to watch out for, especially with younger kids - make sure any game violence isn't desensitising them, or confusing the child about what is acceptable social behaviour. In a kid with poor social development, you do need to keep a close eye on the games played, to ensure that they only see acceptable social modelling in the game. For example, Grand Theft Auto was a game we banned until difficult child 3 could explain to me exactly where the game was inappropriate. But as long as he COULD explain, I was OK with him playing it; after all, many of us grew up on a diet of Bugs Bunny cartoons, many of which can be VERY inappropriate if you really nitpick. Cartoon violence is often extreme and unrealistic - a character gets hit by a falling piano and is NOT killed outright, but staggers around with a large lump on his head and two crossed strips to form an X-shaped dressing. In the next frame, the character is completely unharmed.</p><p></p><p>There are some really good games available, which can be either played as part of a family, or are good for actually helping calm someone. With the Wii, for example, we're having a ball with Wii Fit. I can't do a lot of the yoga, but I've watched easy child 2/difficult child 2 do it and seen how it could actually relax someone.</p><p></p><p>Other relaxing games - husband has worked his way through the Myst series, which are very vivid alternate worlds accessible through books which open to a time-space warp. The scenery is beautiful; the puzzles complex. The logic required to solve them - mind-stretching. But the scenery draws you on. If a child wants to do this, they may need an adult to work with them. The game can be stopped and saved at any point and it would be a good way to relax before bedtime, for a compulsive gamer.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 spent his first 6 years in mainstream education learning almost nothing. When he was home for much of his final mainstream year (Grade 5) I discovered to my horror that he had practically NO knowledge or comprehension of geography. We were to go on holidays to Melbourne, driving from Sydney, and difficult child 3 thought we were on the other side of the world. Or he would mention something he'd forgotten to bring from home, and ask if we could just pop home and get it. Showing him a globe brought no comprehension at all.</p><p></p><p>So we bought a copy of "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?" (which I also thoroughly recommend, even before bedtime) and it did the trick - it gave difficult child 3 enough basic understanding of how the world interconnects, to be able to expand his knowledge from there.</p><p></p><p>Computers and computer games are non-judgmental. If you have a child with self-esteem issues who is afraid to raise their hand in class, or a child who is really struggling academically, games can actually open academic doors in their minds.</p><p></p><p>Choose wisely, try to test out the game before you buy, if you have the chance. And maybe do a deal with the child - spend a proportion of total gaming time on your choices to earn game time on their choices.</p><p></p><p>Computer education systems - there are some good ones. difficult child 3 is enrolled with Mathletics, which costs us A$99 a year. It is equivalent, in my view, to another highly publicised, heavily promoted, door-to-door-marketed version which costs thousands. For us in Australia, Mathletics matches out school curriculum. It was actually difficult child 3's correspondence school that got us into it. Other mainstream schools use it for their students - the fee allows the student access to a very detailed website that works them at their level of mathematics and also allows them to test themselves against other students from anywhere around the world.</p><p></p><p>For a lot of difficult children, gaming is like breathing. While it is important to encourage the kids to keep some degree of balance, the child's ideas and your ideas will be different. You will need to compromise. But some degree of compromise will be better than trying to enforce your will exclusively, because compromise also teaches the child the need for some degree of self-control, and THAT is what your child will need to develop in order to plan for an independent, productive adult life. And because our kids are slow to learn THAT one, the sooner we start to teach it, the better!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 174929, member: 1991"] Thanks guys, for being so kind. Sometimes I worry I'm dumping too much stuff on you all. Totoro, the overstimulation was our main issue with the gaming, especially difficult child 3. There was also a patch with difficult child 1 and a couple of games he played for a while; we pointed the problem out to him and suggested we all monitor it for awhile. Helping HIM se the issue was most important. Once difficult child 1 recognised the problem, it made it easier for him to find ways to deal with it. As he got older the overstimulation became less of an issue. The thing is - if your kid is so hooked into gaming, there's really not a lot you can do, without clashing in a major way. And once the kid gets older and a bit more independent, they'll be back into it big-time WITHOUT any self-discipline you may have helped them put in place, and probably also without your input at the level they need. difficult child 1 at one point (he had fallen behind in schoolwork) declared that he was going to not game for two weeks. And he was true to his word, although he regretted it very quickly. He was getting increasingly frantic for gaming and finding it very frustrating. He was trying to prove that he wasn't addicted to gaming. We developed our different mindset to gaming as a result of our observations/experiences with the boys. Instead of viewing gaming as an addiction, we see it more now as a coping strategy and also positive training and education. However, it needs to be put in its place. When they know that they are not barred from gaming, they can be more relaxed about it. When you try to over-regulate it, THAT is when you can find problems escalating. I view it as equivalent to being told I can't ever, ever have chocolate, ever again. Or being told I can never use a computer again, never post again on CD! Another thing to watch out for, especially with younger kids - make sure any game violence isn't desensitising them, or confusing the child about what is acceptable social behaviour. In a kid with poor social development, you do need to keep a close eye on the games played, to ensure that they only see acceptable social modelling in the game. For example, Grand Theft Auto was a game we banned until difficult child 3 could explain to me exactly where the game was inappropriate. But as long as he COULD explain, I was OK with him playing it; after all, many of us grew up on a diet of Bugs Bunny cartoons, many of which can be VERY inappropriate if you really nitpick. Cartoon violence is often extreme and unrealistic - a character gets hit by a falling piano and is NOT killed outright, but staggers around with a large lump on his head and two crossed strips to form an X-shaped dressing. In the next frame, the character is completely unharmed. There are some really good games available, which can be either played as part of a family, or are good for actually helping calm someone. With the Wii, for example, we're having a ball with Wii Fit. I can't do a lot of the yoga, but I've watched easy child 2/difficult child 2 do it and seen how it could actually relax someone. Other relaxing games - husband has worked his way through the Myst series, which are very vivid alternate worlds accessible through books which open to a time-space warp. The scenery is beautiful; the puzzles complex. The logic required to solve them - mind-stretching. But the scenery draws you on. If a child wants to do this, they may need an adult to work with them. The game can be stopped and saved at any point and it would be a good way to relax before bedtime, for a compulsive gamer. difficult child 3 spent his first 6 years in mainstream education learning almost nothing. When he was home for much of his final mainstream year (Grade 5) I discovered to my horror that he had practically NO knowledge or comprehension of geography. We were to go on holidays to Melbourne, driving from Sydney, and difficult child 3 thought we were on the other side of the world. Or he would mention something he'd forgotten to bring from home, and ask if we could just pop home and get it. Showing him a globe brought no comprehension at all. So we bought a copy of "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?" (which I also thoroughly recommend, even before bedtime) and it did the trick - it gave difficult child 3 enough basic understanding of how the world interconnects, to be able to expand his knowledge from there. Computers and computer games are non-judgmental. If you have a child with self-esteem issues who is afraid to raise their hand in class, or a child who is really struggling academically, games can actually open academic doors in their minds. Choose wisely, try to test out the game before you buy, if you have the chance. And maybe do a deal with the child - spend a proportion of total gaming time on your choices to earn game time on their choices. Computer education systems - there are some good ones. difficult child 3 is enrolled with Mathletics, which costs us A$99 a year. It is equivalent, in my view, to another highly publicised, heavily promoted, door-to-door-marketed version which costs thousands. For us in Australia, Mathletics matches out school curriculum. It was actually difficult child 3's correspondence school that got us into it. Other mainstream schools use it for their students - the fee allows the student access to a very detailed website that works them at their level of mathematics and also allows them to test themselves against other students from anywhere around the world. For a lot of difficult children, gaming is like breathing. While it is important to encourage the kids to keep some degree of balance, the child's ideas and your ideas will be different. You will need to compromise. But some degree of compromise will be better than trying to enforce your will exclusively, because compromise also teaches the child the need for some degree of self-control, and THAT is what your child will need to develop in order to plan for an independent, productive adult life. And because our kids are slow to learn THAT one, the sooner we start to teach it, the better! Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Spitting, hating, hitting . . . what do you DO?!
Top