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Substance Abuse
Sponsor system in 'x' Anonymous. Can someone enlighten me?
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 606123" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>Sig: Balance between detaching and not is hard. It is especially hard, because with my difficult child there are aspects we are not planning to detach just now. And one of the things we are not detached from is his career planning. It is a big, bad world and sport business is cruel and certainly not between two equal entities making contracts. Absolutely no one leaves their young adult kids alone and open to all predators in those circles and expect a good outcome. And in the end detaching is just a way to deal with things that you can't change in a way that hurts you less. Our kid is difficult, but we are not ready to give up on him and not give him support other kids his age and his situation get from their parents and what we plan to give to our easy child. It would maybe hurt us less, but that is not good enough reason. With difficult child, there are lots of things I'm rather detached from. I do watch with interest though (he can be much more entertaining than any soap opera, when he puts his mind into it.) But then there are big things and those are a different matter.</p><p></p><p>difficult child considers himself able to handle the situation. He is arrogant like kids often are. And they often have to pay for that arrogance. And let's face it, he didn't choose this team well knowing 12 steps program is a requirement. He chose it with contract to try 12 step program. And even took a pay cut to make sure, that person deciding about it being a fit or not is someone he can trust. difficult child wants to please his team in this point and may be over estimating his ability to handle adverse situation to do so. And you are right, not much I can do to it now. Or well. That is not entirely true. There are lots of things I can do, not by myself, but through other people. However for now, I choose to just watch, listen, give advice or two and plan for it, if I need to intervene. It would be awesome for difficult child if he could navigate through this on his own. If not... well, then someone has to intervene. And I rather intervene than pick up the pieces afterwards, even if it makes difficult child feel like less a man.</p><p></p><p>While watching I can make sure, I have information and plan needed, if he needs it. That may not be detachment, but to be honest, detachment has never worked well for me (and I have had lots of practise in dealing with problematic people I can't change from very early on.) It just makes me wake at 3 a.m. and not being able to sleep. Having info and plans ready for different situations helps me to sleep through night and enjoy my life during the day.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 606123, member: 14557"] Sig: Balance between detaching and not is hard. It is especially hard, because with my difficult child there are aspects we are not planning to detach just now. And one of the things we are not detached from is his career planning. It is a big, bad world and sport business is cruel and certainly not between two equal entities making contracts. Absolutely no one leaves their young adult kids alone and open to all predators in those circles and expect a good outcome. And in the end detaching is just a way to deal with things that you can't change in a way that hurts you less. Our kid is difficult, but we are not ready to give up on him and not give him support other kids his age and his situation get from their parents and what we plan to give to our easy child. It would maybe hurt us less, but that is not good enough reason. With difficult child, there are lots of things I'm rather detached from. I do watch with interest though (he can be much more entertaining than any soap opera, when he puts his mind into it.) But then there are big things and those are a different matter. difficult child considers himself able to handle the situation. He is arrogant like kids often are. And they often have to pay for that arrogance. And let's face it, he didn't choose this team well knowing 12 steps program is a requirement. He chose it with contract to try 12 step program. And even took a pay cut to make sure, that person deciding about it being a fit or not is someone he can trust. difficult child wants to please his team in this point and may be over estimating his ability to handle adverse situation to do so. And you are right, not much I can do to it now. Or well. That is not entirely true. There are lots of things I can do, not by myself, but through other people. However for now, I choose to just watch, listen, give advice or two and plan for it, if I need to intervene. It would be awesome for difficult child if he could navigate through this on his own. If not... well, then someone has to intervene. And I rather intervene than pick up the pieces afterwards, even if it makes difficult child feel like less a man. While watching I can make sure, I have information and plan needed, if he needs it. That may not be detachment, but to be honest, detachment has never worked well for me (and I have had lots of practise in dealing with problematic people I can't change from very early on.) It just makes me wake at 3 a.m. and not being able to sleep. Having info and plans ready for different situations helps me to sleep through night and enjoy my life during the day. [/QUOTE]
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Sponsor system in 'x' Anonymous. Can someone enlighten me?
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