Sports or no sports

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Kjs, Feb 27, 2007.

  1. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    Need opinions on this. husband and I disagree. Gtg is very talented in sports, however cannot handle losing. Does not understand that everyone misses a shot or they lose. He flips out. At teammates, coaches and referees. Has been suspended, and kicked off of teams. He is now in wrestling. All was well until he got beat. (in practice) Head gear went flying, yelling and screaming. So worked up he couldn't breathe, was weezing and called to be picked up. First wrestling meet is tonight. I want him to go even if he doesn't wrestle. husband is always the first to buy all the equipment, and the first to call it quits. I do not want him to quit. I want him to be strong, suck it up and deal with it.
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    After he's calmed down, you talk with-him about this, right? What does difficult child say? Does he remember it? Make any promises?
    My difficult child is getting much better... I'd like to take credit but I think a lot of it is maturity on his part. And he's learning to like being with-his friends and that's often more important than if they win. Does your difficult child have friends on the team that might make it more enjoyable?
    Wish I could offer help... maybe start him on some tiny things like board games, win one, lose one, back and forth.
  3. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    Sometimes what we want and what our difficult child's can give just don't jive. It may very well be that difficult child, while talented, is not at a point where he can handle the disappointment. Perhaps everyone needs to stand back and see how these outbursts are affecting difficult child both socially and healthwise.

    Having the coach, the refs, other parents and teammates witness this type of behavior definately will affect your difficult child socially. The fact that he gets so worked up that he couldn't breathe and was weezing shows that his disorder(s) are manifesting in dangerous physical areas. And, perhaps the biggest factor is the polarization of his parents regarding this issue.

    It may very well be that difficult child needs to take a break until he is able to handle the disappointment and competiveness of sports. I don't think I would be as concerned about him taking a break and being home than I would be worrying about his physical behaviors while participating. There is no benefit from his particpation if it is causing this many problems.

    If difficult child is puts up a huge fuss about it, should you choose to speak to him about it, bring a camcorder and tape his reactions. Could be eye-opening for him.

    That's just my two cents.

  4. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Sports, i.e. teams, have never been successful for either of my difficult children. They couldn't handle the stimulation of team play.

    It's just too much for some children - difficult child or easy child.
  5. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    He always wants to play, until he gets beat or has an off day. Then his answer is to quit. quit everything. He has no friends. Once popular has now nobody. He is scaring me.
  6. SuzyfromTexas

    SuzyfromTexas New Member

    Sharon's input makes a lot sense to me.

    My six year old son has the same problem. One thing that is working for us is to clearly state expectations before a game (in our case basketball). Also, he wants to receive a trophy at the end of the season. He understands that if he cries for reasons other than being hurt, he will not receive a trophy. Believe it or not this is working.

    I understand that this may not work for a 12-year old, but can you think of some "carrot" he may want? Not sure if this approach is best for kids but it's working for us....

    I'm with Sharon that if he continues to have tantrums or meltdowns that is more detrimental to his social well-being.
  7. kris

    kris New Member

    <span style="color: #000099">while he might well want to participate in tema sports he seems to be lacking the coping skills. i really believe that you & husband need to work on stabilization before anything else. the other thing might come down the road once he is medically stable.....but certainly not until then.

    my recommendation....go back to square one. get a neuropsychologist evaluation, then proper psychiatric interventions in therapy if that's what recommended as well. he needs to develop coping skilss before he can manage to get along with-other kids.

    kris </span>
  8. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    I tend to agree with kris and Little dudes mom. Part of the sport is how you handle the disappointments.
    From your other posts today, it seems he is at a rought time, and is not functioning well today. (or this week or this month, whatever)
  9. Janna

    Janna New Member

    Yeah, I've read alot of your posts here now, this is the 3rd (so I didn't respond to the other two, sorry), and really, your difficult child sounds very, very unstable.

    I see he's on Lamictal/Topomax, is he diagnosis'ed Bipolar? I don't know anything about the Lamictal, how long has he been on it?

    Dylan was VERY unstable for a long time, and I was scared to take him to the local public swimming pool, never mind playing sports. One time a little kid accidentally splashed him (Dylan was about 7, the little kid was little, MAYBE 3) and Dylan hauled off and hit him. We never went back to that pool.

    I would not, under any circumstances, allow any of my children to play a sport if they handled themselves in the manner your difficult child did with the loss. If he cannot handle the loss, he should not be there. He is not going to learn "suck it up and take the loss". He is mentally sick and sounds very unstable, and isn't going to learn anything until he's stable.

    I would just keep him out. My .02.

  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I tend to agree with waiting until he is more stable. My difficult child has tried a few sports. Mostly he didn't continue because of his hyperactivity not his raging. For some reason my difficult child doesn't seem to give a care whether he loses or not-we've been lucky in that respect. Wrestling has worked well because he doesn't have a whole team depending on him.