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<blockquote data-quote="hearthope" data-source="post: 47307" data-attributes="member: 2389"><p>reading your post brought back a flood of memories.</p><p></p><p>I also learned detachment from ex. I have cried countless nights not knowing where my son is. I have been at the point of not even being able to look at husband.</p><p></p><p>My husband and difficult child (his stepson) never got along. I went from telling husband he would leave before difficult child did, to making difficult child leave.</p><p></p><p> If you are worried that your 19 yr old is using drugs, ask yourself, what is it that you can do to change that? Nothing.</p><p></p><p>The only person that change an adult's behavior is that adult himself. He is an adult now. You have no control at this point to do anything to change him. Trust in the values that you taught him and learn to detach. </p><p></p><p>Any 19 year old wants freedom. I am sure he is doing everything that he is able to do being out of your home. I would not take his word about what the rules are there. I too have a difficult child that seems to be able to live anywhere but home. I couldn't get him to stay in school but another mom did just that. You never know the reasoning behind it all.</p><p></p><p>As I have posted before ~ once my difficult child was told to leave, and everyone in our home knew he couldn't come back, we all began to heal. Living with a difficult child is more destructive than we imagine at the time.</p><p></p><p>Let him go, he is 19. He has to learn about the real world. Love husband, even if you don't want to right now, you will see the change in him.</p><p></p><p>I blamed my husband at first because I didn't think he was trying hard enough to be a good step dad. It wasn't fair to him. It made him put up walls which in return made me put up walls. </p><p></p><p>When I let go of difficult child, it was amazing how quickly the walls came down</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearthope, post: 47307, member: 2389"] reading your post brought back a flood of memories. I also learned detachment from ex. I have cried countless nights not knowing where my son is. I have been at the point of not even being able to look at husband. My husband and difficult child (his stepson) never got along. I went from telling husband he would leave before difficult child did, to making difficult child leave. If you are worried that your 19 yr old is using drugs, ask yourself, what is it that you can do to change that? Nothing. The only person that change an adult's behavior is that adult himself. He is an adult now. You have no control at this point to do anything to change him. Trust in the values that you taught him and learn to detach. Any 19 year old wants freedom. I am sure he is doing everything that he is able to do being out of your home. I would not take his word about what the rules are there. I too have a difficult child that seems to be able to live anywhere but home. I couldn't get him to stay in school but another mom did just that. You never know the reasoning behind it all. As I have posted before ~ once my difficult child was told to leave, and everyone in our home knew he couldn't come back, we all began to heal. Living with a difficult child is more destructive than we imagine at the time. Let him go, he is 19. He has to learn about the real world. Love husband, even if you don't want to right now, you will see the change in him. I blamed my husband at first because I didn't think he was trying hard enough to be a good step dad. It wasn't fair to him. It made him put up walls which in return made me put up walls. When I let go of difficult child, it was amazing how quickly the walls came down [/QUOTE]
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