W
Wonderful Family
Guest
I actually hate to ask these questions that have been running through my mind in the last several months; but what is stability and is difficult child truly stable?
It's one of the reasons I don't participate more; I'm not sure if it's real or it's Memorex; we didn't do much in the end as parents.
Especially in light of others' problems with their children-my questions seem so minor vs. where we've been, yet I don't know what will set him back.
When do we know when things will be "ok" in the end? Although we have certainly seen everything everyone else has seen with our difficult child (worst case outside of major legal issues, he's still young). I guess my question is, is he stable because of medications and climate-controlled environment, or is it real - and he is learning? (I suspect some of both and I DO know there are no real answers.)
difficult child does well at school (4 kids in class, private school) and he "tolerates" easy child. We have an appointment with psychiatrist tomorrow and I have no complaints (again, for the 3rd time).
But in the end, he starts immediately resisting and fighting in the "real-world". This is a kid that absolutely destroyed a solid relationship with a mentor I had for 10+ years less than 6 months ago. (My fault, I did not tell him about difficult child - changed my tune on that subject.)
We do very little outside of the home (I even work at home); we were thrilled on Sunday when he went to Church with no complaints and lunch somewhere that was not only unplanned, but he was able to enjoy.
The other concern is easy child. easy child told me again this morning how much he loved his brother and how he wished he would treat him the same way (exact words). Still trying to figure out easy child and how to help him. He is best friends with a little boy similar to easy child and he mentioned recently another boy at school as his best friend that was throwing desks around to psychiatrist (I guess he has learned to get along with others.). easy child also left his important X-mas gifts at the cabin to keep them out of the hands of his best friend (smart kid - he did say it nicely.).
difficult child had an absolutely fabulous X-mas - we never had one this good - ever.
But we went to our tiny, little cabin in the woods and had limited time with Grandma and Grandpa for 2 weeks (who live with us - mother in law tends to push difficult child's buttons a lot, and no pressure anywhere else). Family members that came in from out-of-town were well-received; but they consisted of girls who took easy child off his hands and one older cousin who is is very quiet and reserved-very mellow (gets along great with difficult child). husband and I both try to use the right language to describe difficult child to easy child. PCs's defintiion is "the angries."
difficult child's biggest "melt-down", and no more than you would expect of any kid, was over doing dishes tonight (but it was paper plates and forks from pizza). The only other item was last night when I asked him to clean his desk (dead ants - don't ask - obviously, we ignore the bedroom).
difficult child has one friend that he hangs out with when we are not at the cabin. He does not hang out with too many other kids because they all "bug him". He is in the Sr. High class at school; a decision they made to try to help difficult child. It works, he's the class pet and he does well academically.
The cabin was purchased in large part for difficult child to get away from mother in law; and he didn't resist much after the typical adjustment period that we all see (brutal 3 months, of course; we're still working on even visiting on a church on these weekends as of yet). We also do little things like take easy child to the cabin for the weekend if we are slow getting his ADHD medications (immediate conflict with difficult child).
difficult child sometimes tells me it was his hospitalization last year that made the change; I'm not so sure? I do know he was impacted by the number of kids that had no parents or those that did not really care.
Again, strange question in some respects because of how well he is doing (and we really are proud of him). I just worry that we are missing something. This kid is happy sitting on a train for 3 hours playing his PSP and picking apples for 6 hours; but I still can't hug him. And don't ask him to go to an event that he doesn't know the people or what to expect.
Missed doses of medications are almost immediately evident; so I don't think it's autism?
We are doing what we do because it has helped so much; and he is bit-by-bit becoming more flexible. We did much of this before the he was hospitalized about 9 months ago (cabin was not purchased at that time); but it didn't mean much until until the curent medications.. Therapy is currently in place to try to help along with psychiatrist. And what is working is his desire to do well; and seeing it happen; although he doesn't understand it (per the therapist).
Therapy is based around autism-like traits/sensory issues (never diagnosis'd on this; tested multiple times).
I guess my question is, are we doing the right stuff? What can we do to help easy child further? The issue is we all have to operate in the real world. When things were really bad last year; I was "teaching" at his school every week and doing anything else that I could think of; but still held some level of accountability to him.
Thanks!
It's one of the reasons I don't participate more; I'm not sure if it's real or it's Memorex; we didn't do much in the end as parents.
Especially in light of others' problems with their children-my questions seem so minor vs. where we've been, yet I don't know what will set him back.
When do we know when things will be "ok" in the end? Although we have certainly seen everything everyone else has seen with our difficult child (worst case outside of major legal issues, he's still young). I guess my question is, is he stable because of medications and climate-controlled environment, or is it real - and he is learning? (I suspect some of both and I DO know there are no real answers.)
difficult child does well at school (4 kids in class, private school) and he "tolerates" easy child. We have an appointment with psychiatrist tomorrow and I have no complaints (again, for the 3rd time).
But in the end, he starts immediately resisting and fighting in the "real-world". This is a kid that absolutely destroyed a solid relationship with a mentor I had for 10+ years less than 6 months ago. (My fault, I did not tell him about difficult child - changed my tune on that subject.)
We do very little outside of the home (I even work at home); we were thrilled on Sunday when he went to Church with no complaints and lunch somewhere that was not only unplanned, but he was able to enjoy.
The other concern is easy child. easy child told me again this morning how much he loved his brother and how he wished he would treat him the same way (exact words). Still trying to figure out easy child and how to help him. He is best friends with a little boy similar to easy child and he mentioned recently another boy at school as his best friend that was throwing desks around to psychiatrist (I guess he has learned to get along with others.). easy child also left his important X-mas gifts at the cabin to keep them out of the hands of his best friend (smart kid - he did say it nicely.).
difficult child had an absolutely fabulous X-mas - we never had one this good - ever.
But we went to our tiny, little cabin in the woods and had limited time with Grandma and Grandpa for 2 weeks (who live with us - mother in law tends to push difficult child's buttons a lot, and no pressure anywhere else). Family members that came in from out-of-town were well-received; but they consisted of girls who took easy child off his hands and one older cousin who is is very quiet and reserved-very mellow (gets along great with difficult child). husband and I both try to use the right language to describe difficult child to easy child. PCs's defintiion is "the angries."
difficult child's biggest "melt-down", and no more than you would expect of any kid, was over doing dishes tonight (but it was paper plates and forks from pizza). The only other item was last night when I asked him to clean his desk (dead ants - don't ask - obviously, we ignore the bedroom).
difficult child has one friend that he hangs out with when we are not at the cabin. He does not hang out with too many other kids because they all "bug him". He is in the Sr. High class at school; a decision they made to try to help difficult child. It works, he's the class pet and he does well academically.
The cabin was purchased in large part for difficult child to get away from mother in law; and he didn't resist much after the typical adjustment period that we all see (brutal 3 months, of course; we're still working on even visiting on a church on these weekends as of yet). We also do little things like take easy child to the cabin for the weekend if we are slow getting his ADHD medications (immediate conflict with difficult child).
difficult child sometimes tells me it was his hospitalization last year that made the change; I'm not so sure? I do know he was impacted by the number of kids that had no parents or those that did not really care.
Again, strange question in some respects because of how well he is doing (and we really are proud of him). I just worry that we are missing something. This kid is happy sitting on a train for 3 hours playing his PSP and picking apples for 6 hours; but I still can't hug him. And don't ask him to go to an event that he doesn't know the people or what to expect.
Missed doses of medications are almost immediately evident; so I don't think it's autism?
We are doing what we do because it has helped so much; and he is bit-by-bit becoming more flexible. We did much of this before the he was hospitalized about 9 months ago (cabin was not purchased at that time); but it didn't mean much until until the curent medications.. Therapy is currently in place to try to help along with psychiatrist. And what is working is his desire to do well; and seeing it happen; although he doesn't understand it (per the therapist).
Therapy is based around autism-like traits/sensory issues (never diagnosis'd on this; tested multiple times).
I guess my question is, are we doing the right stuff? What can we do to help easy child further? The issue is we all have to operate in the real world. When things were really bad last year; I was "teaching" at his school every week and doing anything else that I could think of; but still held some level of accountability to him.
Thanks!
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