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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 170219" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>I don't recall anyone advising you to do that. </p><p></p><p>First and foremost, a judge can not. let me reiterate <strong>A JUDGE CAN NOT, BY LAW</strong> read a letter from any private party in a case where attorneys represent the parties involved. If you already wrote to the PD, you have in effect written to the judge. If you write to the judge, his assistant will tell the judge you tried to butt in ex-parte (illegal) and he will rip you a new one and/or find you in contempt of court. But, he <strong>will not read the letter.</strong> Judges don't like people to make it look like they have been taking one sided information from a party without lawyers knowing exactly what's going on. They could lose their robes for that.</p><p></p><p>In any case, it would <em>not</em> be the right thing to do. It would show your son that he still has his hooks in you and that you can't let him live his own life and suffer his own consequences. Not showing up is letting everyone know that he can't come home. Judges don't parole someone to a place that they don't know for certain that they are welcome.</p><p></p><p>Just leave it alone. Try it just this once and see what happens. Have you seen your therapist yet? Are you going to Al-Anon daily, and presenting your very real problems with letting go to them? You need Al-Anon each and every time you wonder whether you should write a letter, bail him out, pay for intervention, get him into a halfway house, ask where he is going to live, wonder if he can still get the xanax that you and you alone think he needs, wonder if he will live at your house, wonder if he is going to change, wonder how you are going to make him change, wonder what it is that you did wrong, wonder what it is you should have done differently, etc. If you are not going to a meeting or contacting your sponsor each and every time you have these thoughts, you are <em>not</em> working the program.</p><p></p><p>by the way, only presenting 'nice' ideas at an Al-Anon meetings because new people are going to be there just doesn't fly. It's an excuse for not participating in therapy. Period.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 170219, member: 99"] I don't recall anyone advising you to do that. First and foremost, a judge can not. let me reiterate [B]A JUDGE CAN NOT, BY LAW[/B] read a letter from any private party in a case where attorneys represent the parties involved. If you already wrote to the PD, you have in effect written to the judge. If you write to the judge, his assistant will tell the judge you tried to butt in ex-parte (illegal) and he will rip you a new one and/or find you in contempt of court. But, he [B]will not read the letter.[/B] Judges don't like people to make it look like they have been taking one sided information from a party without lawyers knowing exactly what's going on. They could lose their robes for that. In any case, it would [I]not[/I] be the right thing to do. It would show your son that he still has his hooks in you and that you can't let him live his own life and suffer his own consequences. Not showing up is letting everyone know that he can't come home. Judges don't parole someone to a place that they don't know for certain that they are welcome. Just leave it alone. Try it just this once and see what happens. Have you seen your therapist yet? Are you going to Al-Anon daily, and presenting your very real problems with letting go to them? You need Al-Anon each and every time you wonder whether you should write a letter, bail him out, pay for intervention, get him into a halfway house, ask where he is going to live, wonder if he can still get the xanax that you and you alone think he needs, wonder if he will live at your house, wonder if he is going to change, wonder how you are going to make him change, wonder what it is that you did wrong, wonder what it is you should have done differently, etc. If you are not going to a meeting or contacting your sponsor each and every time you have these thoughts, you are [I]not[/I] working the program. by the way, only presenting 'nice' ideas at an Al-Anon meetings because new people are going to be there just doesn't fly. It's an excuse for not participating in therapy. Period. [/QUOTE]
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