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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 128568" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>Susan,</p><p>Instead of going down to the jail today, I'm going to suggest that you do something for yourself. Go to church, an al-anon meeting, go get your nails done or buy a new dress.</p><p></p><p>Do you have a girlfriend or two that you can call up and meet for lunch?</p><p></p><p>From your post it sounds like you're at loose ends, with your husband away and your easy child son busy with his things. </p><p></p><p>If you can't sit and enjoy the quiet stillness of a Sunday with nothing to do, then you need to fill up your time with activities that are good for you.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You say that you have sent your difficult child money, books and magazines, but you haven't heard from him. Have you noticed the pattern, that he only seems to contact you when he wants something from you? That when you do something nice for him that's not on his list, that you get no acknowledgement for it whatsoever?</p><p></p><p>I know how hard it can be, but you need to show your difficult child and more importantly, yourself, that you will not be manipulated by him. Going down to the jail, seeing no real change, worrying yourself sick...that will all just perpetuate the cycle that led your son to the position he is in. I'm not saying it's your fault. Not at all. Your son is an adult, he made terrible choices, and now he's in jail.</p><p></p><p>But clearly, what you've been doing up until now hasn't worked. Your difficult child doesn't seem ready to change what he's doing. So the only thing in the equation that can change is you. Change your behaviour and it changes the whole dynamic of the situation. Others can't react the same way as always when you give them new behaviour to react to.</p><p></p><p>It's very hard to break old patterns and it makes you feel terribly uneasy and anxious to do so. But if you can get through the anxiety, you will find that each time gets easier, and you will reap the benefit.</p><p></p><p>Saying prayers for strength and comfort for you.</p><p></p><p>Trinity</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 128568, member: 3907"] Susan, Instead of going down to the jail today, I'm going to suggest that you do something for yourself. Go to church, an al-anon meeting, go get your nails done or buy a new dress. Do you have a girlfriend or two that you can call up and meet for lunch? From your post it sounds like you're at loose ends, with your husband away and your easy child son busy with his things. If you can't sit and enjoy the quiet stillness of a Sunday with nothing to do, then you need to fill up your time with activities that are good for you. You say that you have sent your difficult child money, books and magazines, but you haven't heard from him. Have you noticed the pattern, that he only seems to contact you when he wants something from you? That when you do something nice for him that's not on his list, that you get no acknowledgement for it whatsoever? I know how hard it can be, but you need to show your difficult child and more importantly, yourself, that you will not be manipulated by him. Going down to the jail, seeing no real change, worrying yourself sick...that will all just perpetuate the cycle that led your son to the position he is in. I'm not saying it's your fault. Not at all. Your son is an adult, he made terrible choices, and now he's in jail. But clearly, what you've been doing up until now hasn't worked. Your difficult child doesn't seem ready to change what he's doing. So the only thing in the equation that can change is you. Change your behaviour and it changes the whole dynamic of the situation. Others can't react the same way as always when you give them new behaviour to react to. It's very hard to break old patterns and it makes you feel terribly uneasy and anxious to do so. But if you can get through the anxiety, you will find that each time gets easier, and you will reap the benefit. Saying prayers for strength and comfort for you. Trinity [/QUOTE]
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