I have not been doing well at all this past month...I felt myself spiraling downward and with the new responsibility of having my mother here, the winter settling in, and the impending holiday season...along with a lot of drama at work and with my lovely sisters (all of whom will be at MY house for Christmas Day)... Ugh, my sisters, especially loco sister (LS), the one who shares the care of my mom with me here in CT now. Omg - she's been insane. She bought all new furniture for mom's shared room at the nursing home. I thought for sure that they wouldn't allow it, but now mom has a ginormous dresser that's half empty and a huge bookcase next to her bed. Her phone is on the other side and mom can't even reach it. Whatever on that. Also, LS always makes comments about whenever she does my mom's laundry or when she visits, etc. Let me just say that I am not a person who has to remind everyone around me when ever I do something for another. I don't have to comment that EVERY time I see my mom, which is nearly EVERYDAY, I take laundry home with me. I use my own laundry bag - I don't take mom's hamper. LS takes mom's hamper, so to her it must look like I never do mom's laundry, but I do - about 4 loads a week. This could turn into a huge vent if I don't stop now. Well, I'm just hoping the antidepressant I start today kicks in fast. I know it usually takes a couple of weeks, but in the past, I've been lucky and begin to feel a change within a week - my body has a very low tolerance for medications in general. Maybe not in time for Christmas Day, but I have xanax on hand for that special day with the fam, lol. I'm not happy to go back on AD's, especially this early in the winter, but there it is; it's necessary. I also went back to my counselor and will see her several more times before taking a break when spring semester begins mid January. With my counselor I am working on not being resentful or hanging onto anger. I think depression has a way of exacerbating those emotions or perhaps exxagerating them and I don't need that. I remain grateful to have this time to care for my mom and see her often enough to enjoy her before her dementia gets the better of her. And I try to remind myself of everything in my life that is good, which is a lot. That helps me get through the day some days. Other days, in recent weeks, it's not enough and I find myself wanting to just check out. The only thing that keeps me hanging on are my daughters. On that note...lol... I've been keeping up *I think* with the board. Hope you're all hanging in there for the holidays - big hugs to all and Happy Yule/Winter Solstice.