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Substance Abuse
Staying detached while tethered....
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 687943" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Just one sentence: paying rent for an adult doesn't make them change for the better.</p><p></p><p>I watched parents pay rent/buy homes/give abusive adult kids rent free beds to sleep in...for the nearly fifteen years I've been here. Jail has helped more of our kids get their lives together than paying their bills. Give them anything you feel like, and don't feel guilty about it if it makes YOU feel better. But realize who you are doing it for...yourself. it soothes hearts that can't stand to know their child homeless. We all get that. And we have a right to be good to us. If we sleep sounder if our kids are not on the streets, I think it'd fine to do it for us. But the help we give is for us. </p><p></p><p>With Bart, we made sure he stayed in motels until his father bought a condo so he could live with him. He could no longer live with me for many reasons, but, unlike later on when another kid had drug problems, I was not ready to put my kid on the street. So I didn't. I bought him food too. When he got to move in with his dad he was no better than when he'd lived with me though. Not one bit. He got better as soon as he married and moved out. Not until. He got a good job. Good deal too as his money train had stopped. Ex and I were done.</p><p></p><p>Giving doesn't make our child get a job, be nice, go to college, or stop smoking pot or using scarier drugs. But it helps us before we are ready for true tough love.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 687943, member: 1550"] Just one sentence: paying rent for an adult doesn't make them change for the better. I watched parents pay rent/buy homes/give abusive adult kids rent free beds to sleep in...for the nearly fifteen years I've been here. Jail has helped more of our kids get their lives together than paying their bills. Give them anything you feel like, and don't feel guilty about it if it makes YOU feel better. But realize who you are doing it for...yourself. it soothes hearts that can't stand to know their child homeless. We all get that. And we have a right to be good to us. If we sleep sounder if our kids are not on the streets, I think it'd fine to do it for us. But the help we give is for us. With Bart, we made sure he stayed in motels until his father bought a condo so he could live with him. He could no longer live with me for many reasons, but, unlike later on when another kid had drug problems, I was not ready to put my kid on the street. So I didn't. I bought him food too. When he got to move in with his dad he was no better than when he'd lived with me though. Not one bit. He got better as soon as he married and moved out. Not until. He got a good job. Good deal too as his money train had stopped. Ex and I were done. Giving doesn't make our child get a job, be nice, go to college, or stop smoking pot or using scarier drugs. But it helps us before we are ready for true tough love. [/QUOTE]
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Staying detached while tethered....
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