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Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Staying detached while tethered....
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<blockquote data-quote="rebelson" data-source="post: 687976" data-attributes="member: 19966"><p>Since my son got kicked out of Grammys in August, I have seen much struggle, but also much movement in him. While some of it has been bad, some has also been good. </p><p></p><p>He has been drinking a lot. He was asking me for food $, then buying alcohol with it. He had a job where he was bringing in plenty enough money to pay his own rent, yet every time his rent was due he would tell me he didn't have all of it. Of course not, he was spending it on alcohol. Why would I help with that? I would not. </p><p></p><p>I have seen a slight increase in maturity. I have also heard him expressing, making actual attempts to stay clean more times in the past eight months than ever before. By this I mean going to AA and getting a white chip. These 'stops and starts' are a newer thing since August. I totally associate this slight progress on the fact that he has been on his own. And not being funded by us. </p><p></p><p>March 25th, he entered detox and is now in residential treatment and doing very well according to support staff and his psychologist. </p><p></p><p>Would he have done this if he was comfy in Grammy's house? I doubt it. </p><p></p><p>I am here in south Florida now for family session with-him this week. Yesterday I read the packet they emailed me on enabling. </p><p></p><p>It is a selfish act. I know this. We know this. I think I have been enabling him for ME. So that I can sleep at night. Not worry so much - I have anxiety & Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Too bad, I will have to deal with it. </p><p></p><p>While I did not pay his rent, I have been enabling him in other ways. </p><p></p><p>We all detach as well as we can, at the moment. It's a process, I think. </p><p></p><p>I might fall back and help him again. I cannot say 100% that I won't. I think we have to take this thing day by day....baby steps. It is also easy to set ourselves up for failure. Baby steps. </p><p></p><p>Hugs to all of us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rebelson, post: 687976, member: 19966"] Since my son got kicked out of Grammys in August, I have seen much struggle, but also much movement in him. While some of it has been bad, some has also been good. He has been drinking a lot. He was asking me for food $, then buying alcohol with it. He had a job where he was bringing in plenty enough money to pay his own rent, yet every time his rent was due he would tell me he didn't have all of it. Of course not, he was spending it on alcohol. Why would I help with that? I would not. I have seen a slight increase in maturity. I have also heard him expressing, making actual attempts to stay clean more times in the past eight months than ever before. By this I mean going to AA and getting a white chip. These 'stops and starts' are a newer thing since August. I totally associate this slight progress on the fact that he has been on his own. And not being funded by us. March 25th, he entered detox and is now in residential treatment and doing very well according to support staff and his psychologist. Would he have done this if he was comfy in Grammy's house? I doubt it. I am here in south Florida now for family session with-him this week. Yesterday I read the packet they emailed me on enabling. It is a selfish act. I know this. We know this. I think I have been enabling him for ME. So that I can sleep at night. Not worry so much - I have anxiety & Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Too bad, I will have to deal with it. While I did not pay his rent, I have been enabling him in other ways. We all detach as well as we can, at the moment. It's a process, I think. I might fall back and help him again. I cannot say 100% that I won't. I think we have to take this thing day by day....baby steps. It is also easy to set ourselves up for failure. Baby steps. Hugs to all of us. [/QUOTE]
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