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Substance Abuse
Staying detached while tethered....
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<blockquote data-quote="rebelson" data-source="post: 688080" data-attributes="member: 19966"><p>I'm nervous as hell not knowing what will be my sons demeanor tmrw & Friday. Today, was for parents only so I have not seen my son yet. </p><p></p><p>It was fairly intense today. The very on point therapist/program leader had us digging a bit, & it was all in a group setting. Different for me. </p><p></p><p>When it was my turn to discuss, I brought up how my son is verbally abusive to me at times. And I expressed concern in that I (bizarrely) do not feel angry, or react angrily at the mean, nasty things he says to me. Sadly, I think her answer was point on. She said to me that "You do not feel anger at the things that he says to you because you subconsciously think those things are true about you." [emoji44] </p><p></p><p>This reasoning has never, ever has come to my mind. </p><p></p><p>I think she is correct. </p><p></p><p>My mother was not very attentive to me. I was the last of 5. Long story short, Dad and she were divorced when I was 5. I was always shushed & I felt like I was extra baggage to her. Her men were more important. </p><p></p><p>Consciously I slough the things he says off and say "meh, he's wrong so it doesn't bother me." But perhaps subconsciously I believe those things that he says about me. It's so deep, really. </p><p></p><p>Now tomorrow we are supposed to discuss these things with our addicts. I asked her "should I confide in my son how hurtful it is & that I may actually believe the things he says because of my childhood?" </p><p></p><p>This is a tricky question you see? My son likes to use things against me, so should I give him this to keep in his back pocket as leverage against me one day? Even the therapist did not have an exact answer to that question for me. She kind of 'left it up to me'. </p><p></p><p>Talked to my husband tonight and he thinks that I should not admit that to my son at this time. That he is not mature enough, right now, to be able to respect that revelation from me and not use it against me. </p><p></p><p>So right now I'm going into tomorrow not knowing what the heck I'm going to work on with my son. We are supposed to be working on relational, family issues from our past. </p><p></p><p>I must go to bed now good night everybody<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" />.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rebelson, post: 688080, member: 19966"] I'm nervous as hell not knowing what will be my sons demeanor tmrw & Friday. Today, was for parents only so I have not seen my son yet. It was fairly intense today. The very on point therapist/program leader had us digging a bit, & it was all in a group setting. Different for me. When it was my turn to discuss, I brought up how my son is verbally abusive to me at times. And I expressed concern in that I (bizarrely) do not feel angry, or react angrily at the mean, nasty things he says to me. Sadly, I think her answer was point on. She said to me that "You do not feel anger at the things that he says to you because you subconsciously think those things are true about you." [emoji44] This reasoning has never, ever has come to my mind. I think she is correct. My mother was not very attentive to me. I was the last of 5. Long story short, Dad and she were divorced when I was 5. I was always shushed & I felt like I was extra baggage to her. Her men were more important. Consciously I slough the things he says off and say "meh, he's wrong so it doesn't bother me." But perhaps subconsciously I believe those things that he says about me. It's so deep, really. Now tomorrow we are supposed to discuss these things with our addicts. I asked her "should I confide in my son how hurtful it is & that I may actually believe the things he says because of my childhood?" This is a tricky question you see? My son likes to use things against me, so should I give him this to keep in his back pocket as leverage against me one day? Even the therapist did not have an exact answer to that question for me. She kind of 'left it up to me'. Talked to my husband tonight and he thinks that I should not admit that to my son at this time. That he is not mature enough, right now, to be able to respect that revelation from me and not use it against me. So right now I'm going into tomorrow not knowing what the heck I'm going to work on with my son. We are supposed to be working on relational, family issues from our past. I must go to bed now good night everybody:). [/QUOTE]
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