Staying Strong

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Melbourne11, May 25, 2016.

  1. Melbourne11

    Melbourne11 New Member

    Well I have taken positive steps !!
    I have not made contact with my daughter. She hasn't made contact with me. That is not surprising though. She will be confident that she can go her own way. No need to apologize. Just yet that is. She knows the drill. Confident that I will miss her. Confident that I love her. Confident that a glimpse of the daughter I want her to be will suck me right back in.
    I have however read and re read the comments left on my first post. I have read and re read the article on detachment. I have made an appointment with a psychologist who specializes in Border Line Personality Disorder. I have explained that I was advised years ago to seek help. Now I am ready to ask for and accept help and support.
    I need things to be different. I need to let my daughter live her life. No matter what that brings. Believe me I know that means heartbreak and tears for me. She will not miss or need me until she comes unstuck. I read on this site that the hardest thing is learning to accept the apology I never received . Well I am accepting my daughters apology that she will never give me.
    Thanks so much for letting me type out my hurt and pain.
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  2. so ready to live

    so ready to live Active Member

    hi Mel.
    I feel your pain. My son is 28, much the same. No contact now for 8 weeks. He was asked to leave our home in mid february. 3 visits after that and at each he was obviously impaired. Now we don't know where he is, his mail remains here unanswered. Thank you for:
    I so hope and pray my son gets this also.

    True words.
    I do believe I couldn't have loved my son "better" . This site has strengthened me. Knowing there are so many others in conflict/confusion is a bit of "misery loves company" but helps just the same. TODAY- I will try to be confident with you. Prayers.
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  3. Ironbutterfly

    Ironbutterfly Active Member

    Hi Mel- so glad that you are asking for and accepting help. I found this forum one night when I was just so lost. I never realized until here, I was not alone with struggles with my son. I am grateful for this forum and the folks here. I found the detachment article, priceless. I finally had a "a ha" moment. It is hard to do- but I just did one thing differently off that list and then one more and one more, daily, weekly.

    I realized too- we are just spent people who are exhausted and in some ways, lost ourselves in giving and providing and raising our children.

    And yes, sometimes are kids just won't apologize; but don't make that your primary focus right now. I know for myself, the apologies did come, but only after time and years gone by.

    Try and find a hobby, play cards, join a book group, bowling league to take your mind off your worries and heartache. I pray that you find peace and comfort.