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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 646599" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I drew the line at violence with my difficult child. Once he threatened me and backed me into a corner and came very close to slamming a fist from my head and wouldn't let me go all because I told him his friend had to go home I knew he would never live with me again. I don't care if there is mental illness. He has some. So do I. So what? Mental illness does not normally make one a violent person and, if it does, why is the difficult child off medication, drinking (my son's case), not going to therapy, refusing help? THAT is their responsibility if they want to live in the civilized world. I believe that most of our mentally ill kids actually have personality disorders, such as borderline, narcissistic and antisocial (all three can result in having no conscience and a me-centric attitude) They rarely want help. But they are not legally insane and know right from wrong, but choose not to conform. Rules don't apply to them. Growing up to independence doesn't apply to them unless forced by us, which is why I'm so into "tough love." Probably 90% of our difficult children have gotten a bipolar diagnosis. Well, guess what? As a psychiatric patient from age 23 until now, psychiatrists can be wrong...psychiatrist is a "guess" science. I have so many diagnoses I can't remember them all, all given by psychiatrists. The bottom line is, it is MY responsibility to take care of my illness. In a way, I'm lucky. My parents wouldn't help me so I had to get well or there was nobody, so I learned to take care of myself at a young age. And I wasn't violent and didn't break the law, but I still had mood struggles. So what? It's hard, but you don't have to abuse drugs, steal, yell, deface property or hurt your loved ones. You have enough control not to do that. Most of the mentally ill can also say "no" to drugs and get a job. It makes you feel better when you are sober and productive.</p><p></p><p>Those who are not mentally ill themselves do not understand it. Unless you are psychotic, in which you truly do not know reality from fantasy, and you may think your parent is trying to kill you, you can control ow you behave. Bipolar/depression doesn't make you steal, slap, act two years old, be a jerk, etc. I was in a psychiatric hospital three times...once for ten weeks when they allowed you to stay until you got better (in the good old days). There were a few fights between patients, but since most of the patients lived in poverty and were in rough neighborhoods, it was cultural more than "I couldn't help it." It was rare and the aggressor was THROWN OUT. This was a really good University hospital, but there were rules for the mentally ill and one was NO VIOLENCE. Don't fall for that con.</p><p></p><p>Personality disorders? Well, plenty of people who have them will do anything to get their way. It's what they do. They con you nicely and when it doesn't work they scare you into doing what they want. Suicide threats a nd difficult children go together. Always take them seriously, however it is not a stretch to say, I don't think, that they can be the ultimate manipulation. Often when nothing else works acting like a crazed animal while saying, "I'm going to kill myself" works. It did for me for a long time. I would calm myself and say,"OK, ok, ok. Let's talk about it. Don't hurt yourself." Nonsense on my part. He never meant it, but he knew it worked.</p><p></p><p>Personality disordered people are GREAT at fooling psychiatrists (they tend to be bright and learn how to "read" people to know what to say) and they can actually learn more about manipulation in therapy. Not saying your son has it, but...just be careful. Your son knows right from wrong. He isn't seeing pink elephants in the room and doesn't think Napoleon is sitting beside him. He is not psychotic.</p><p></p><p>Do not feel guilty about protecting yourself and others. Hugs for your hurting mom heart. Those of us who had the sad, heartwrenching experience of needing to protect ourselves against our own children are here to hold you up if you fall. We are here 24/7. You are not alone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 646599, member: 1550"] I drew the line at violence with my difficult child. Once he threatened me and backed me into a corner and came very close to slamming a fist from my head and wouldn't let me go all because I told him his friend had to go home I knew he would never live with me again. I don't care if there is mental illness. He has some. So do I. So what? Mental illness does not normally make one a violent person and, if it does, why is the difficult child off medication, drinking (my son's case), not going to therapy, refusing help? THAT is their responsibility if they want to live in the civilized world. I believe that most of our mentally ill kids actually have personality disorders, such as borderline, narcissistic and antisocial (all three can result in having no conscience and a me-centric attitude) They rarely want help. But they are not legally insane and know right from wrong, but choose not to conform. Rules don't apply to them. Growing up to independence doesn't apply to them unless forced by us, which is why I'm so into "tough love." Probably 90% of our difficult children have gotten a bipolar diagnosis. Well, guess what? As a psychiatric patient from age 23 until now, psychiatrists can be wrong...psychiatrist is a "guess" science. I have so many diagnoses I can't remember them all, all given by psychiatrists. The bottom line is, it is MY responsibility to take care of my illness. In a way, I'm lucky. My parents wouldn't help me so I had to get well or there was nobody, so I learned to take care of myself at a young age. And I wasn't violent and didn't break the law, but I still had mood struggles. So what? It's hard, but you don't have to abuse drugs, steal, yell, deface property or hurt your loved ones. You have enough control not to do that. Most of the mentally ill can also say "no" to drugs and get a job. It makes you feel better when you are sober and productive. Those who are not mentally ill themselves do not understand it. Unless you are psychotic, in which you truly do not know reality from fantasy, and you may think your parent is trying to kill you, you can control ow you behave. Bipolar/depression doesn't make you steal, slap, act two years old, be a jerk, etc. I was in a psychiatric hospital three times...once for ten weeks when they allowed you to stay until you got better (in the good old days). There were a few fights between patients, but since most of the patients lived in poverty and were in rough neighborhoods, it was cultural more than "I couldn't help it." It was rare and the aggressor was THROWN OUT. This was a really good University hospital, but there were rules for the mentally ill and one was NO VIOLENCE. Don't fall for that con. Personality disorders? Well, plenty of people who have them will do anything to get their way. It's what they do. They con you nicely and when it doesn't work they scare you into doing what they want. Suicide threats a nd difficult children go together. Always take them seriously, however it is not a stretch to say, I don't think, that they can be the ultimate manipulation. Often when nothing else works acting like a crazed animal while saying, "I'm going to kill myself" works. It did for me for a long time. I would calm myself and say,"OK, ok, ok. Let's talk about it. Don't hurt yourself." Nonsense on my part. He never meant it, but he knew it worked. Personality disordered people are GREAT at fooling psychiatrists (they tend to be bright and learn how to "read" people to know what to say) and they can actually learn more about manipulation in therapy. Not saying your son has it, but...just be careful. Your son knows right from wrong. He isn't seeing pink elephants in the room and doesn't think Napoleon is sitting beside him. He is not psychotic. Do not feel guilty about protecting yourself and others. Hugs for your hurting mom heart. Those of us who had the sad, heartwrenching experience of needing to protect ourselves against our own children are here to hold you up if you fall. We are here 24/7. You are not alone. [/QUOTE]
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