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Stealing
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 569279" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>The difficulty is that at this point, at six years and a week old, J really is innocence personified. I talked to him this evening, saying conversationally, "Do you know why it's wrong to steal things, J?" and he just looked genuinely interested and curious and considered for a few moments. Then he said brightly, "No, Mummy, why?" It's obviously meaningless to talk about him being like a mini-criminal at this stage. And equally obviously, given all I know about how things turn out for some difficult children, I'm concerned that this behaviour will not stop. </p><p>I behaved in the moment as best I knew how, getting angry. But I actually don't think this is a helpful response. He was just scared and perplexed by my anger. It must be an impulsiveness problem - and actually so many things J does I don't really understand, I think why the hexx did he do that, and it's the mystery of his impulses which create all this chaos all the time. Well, mini-chaos, relative chaos. He is genuinely sorry afterwards - but really sorry because he has displeased me not because he truly understands he has done something wrong. I think... I suspect... he is actually much younger than his chronological age in terms of this sort of thing - maybe around four? Of course society is not going to understand any of that and so I do have to be really vigilant. He does need to understand, simply, that he is not allowed to steal. </p><p>Interestingly, my ex-husband's young brother, who is actually a really good man at heart who got caught up in alcohol and drug addiction, has just been released from a two year term in prison for stealing, causing much grief and shame to the very religious family. J knows about this and has visited him in prison. So we've talked about that somewhat and I've explained that this happened when his uncle was much younger and when he did a very silly thing that he is now sorry for (which is actually quite true).</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 569279, member: 11227"] The difficulty is that at this point, at six years and a week old, J really is innocence personified. I talked to him this evening, saying conversationally, "Do you know why it's wrong to steal things, J?" and he just looked genuinely interested and curious and considered for a few moments. Then he said brightly, "No, Mummy, why?" It's obviously meaningless to talk about him being like a mini-criminal at this stage. And equally obviously, given all I know about how things turn out for some difficult children, I'm concerned that this behaviour will not stop. I behaved in the moment as best I knew how, getting angry. But I actually don't think this is a helpful response. He was just scared and perplexed by my anger. It must be an impulsiveness problem - and actually so many things J does I don't really understand, I think why the hexx did he do that, and it's the mystery of his impulses which create all this chaos all the time. Well, mini-chaos, relative chaos. He is genuinely sorry afterwards - but really sorry because he has displeased me not because he truly understands he has done something wrong. I think... I suspect... he is actually much younger than his chronological age in terms of this sort of thing - maybe around four? Of course society is not going to understand any of that and so I do have to be really vigilant. He does need to understand, simply, that he is not allowed to steal. Interestingly, my ex-husband's young brother, who is actually a really good man at heart who got caught up in alcohol and drug addiction, has just been released from a two year term in prison for stealing, causing much grief and shame to the very religious family. J knows about this and has visited him in prison. So we've talked about that somewhat and I've explained that this happened when his uncle was much younger and when he did a very silly thing that he is now sorry for (which is actually quite true). [/QUOTE]
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