Steely, and others at home...

[klmno]

How did your day go? Are you feeling ok tonight?

I'm at home with the 2 furbabbies. I got a couple of things accomplished today, but nothing too major. I'm getting ready to eat a salad and left-over pizza- whoopeee!!!

I was just wondering how everyone who didn't have a big event to attend tonight is doing ...

 

[Sara PA]

hmmm......and how are you doing, klmo? Are you feeling ok?

 

[Steely]

Hey KLMNO...........
I am fine, just sitting here, sipping wine, talking to my CD friends. Thanks so much for asking

Work was OK. You know the usual customers that are still wandering around at 6:30pm on a holiday, going, "Oh, are you closed?"
"Uh..........yeah!" We should have been closed all day, but yeah, now we are closed. Sorry? Retail. Oh well.

We have a new store manager at work, which is kinda cool. I am hopeful. A bit. That things will change for the better.

My difficult child is a lump, and could not care less what holiday it is. Or for that matter, what day it is. Sigh. Mstng, you know what I mean?

What did you guys do today?
KLMNO, how are you holding up?

 

[klmno]

I'm ok- thanks for asking! I have had a lot of mixed feelings today and yes, I've shed a few tears. But I just keep reminding myself how much worse things could be. Sometimes, i just have my own thoughts jumping around from memories of difficult child's childhood, to missing him now, to wondering where I went wrong, to feeling hurt, angry, and disappointed about all he's done, to worrying about his future, to adjusting warrior armour, to just sitting here desparate to have questions answered and find help. Know what I mean???

But, really, things could be worse- I will post my "desparate questions" tomorrow and know that someone cares enough to respond. I can visit difficult child on Sun. and know that he'll be home in 3 weeks. I can re-read the email from his math teacher who told me she wants to send him words of encouragement because he touched her heart and she believes in him. I can hold our 2 furbabies and they will sigh and melt into my side.

Steely, were these "customers" wandering around by themselves like they were a little lost? Just wondering if they had nothing special to do today, too! And, what is with your difficult child? He had been hanging in there and helping you quite a bit... well, maybe he just sees it as a holiday that means- no expectations of him, right??

I don't remember the thread off-hand- But, I do think you should consider writing, Steely. I don't know if it's something you're interested in, but I thought it might be a good "niche" for you. (Just a thought.)

 

[Steely]

Gosh, klmno.........I SO know what you mean about being inundated with past memories of difficult child when you are down. Sometimes it is like a movie player in my head, with me as the moderator, going - hey, look at that cute kid - what did you do wrong?

Yeah, it is hard. I cannot imagined being separated from him like you are. How is holding up? Is he managing OK? I send you so many hugs. I mean that wholeheartedly.

My difficult child is doing OK in terms of respect and stuff, but he seems oh so depressed. It is something I am trying to think too much about, as I get really panicky. I think he is making progress in many areas - but in others I see him morphing into a slug. I can only do one day at a time with him.

It is very nice of you to mention my writing. It makes my heart skip a beat. I have written 150 pages.........but then I stopped. I got discouraged, and was having a hard time continuing my memoir when it came to difficult child and his life. (Hard to believe there was 150 pages before difficult child, I know!!!! And I was only 24 when he was born)
Anyway, it just saddened me too much to write about him. For the exact reasons I mentioned above. Guilt. Guilt I need to get over.

Someday, however, it is my goal, before I leave this earth, to finish my book. Not for me, and my memoir, but because I believe my life will enlighten people to the truths of mental illness. There has been so much mental illness, in all of the people I love - the most recent and pressing of which was H. It deserves to be written about, and exposed. H. was my one advocate in all of this - she supported and encouraged me - but now that she is gone, it fuels my fire even more.

My life, and all of our lives with difficult children, deserves to have others learn from it - because God forbid we have gone through all of this not to have something good come from it.

 

[klmno]

difficult child is holding up better than I expected. There are some things I worry about- he has trouble holding back tears when I visit, but at the same time, he just wants to repeat these "really impessive" stories that he has heard in there from the older boys. You know, the ones about drugs, weapons, driving when you are too young to even get a license, things like that. I don't know who ever came up with the idea that putting a kid with worse behaved kids would teach them a lesson, but I can't imagine that it was a parent.

I'm worried about your difficult child, too. I wish I knew a way into his thoughts- so he could open up to you more and not isolate himself. That is frightening. Does he go back to school at the end of the summer, or is he out? It sounds like he really needs someone - maybe a male- to just talk to.

Well, I have to admit- I did not know that you were already into writing. But, I am glad you are. I just happened to read one particular post of yours that made me think you would be good at it, and maybe it would be something you could get into and enjoy. I am glad that you have already started!! I guess the urge to continue will come and go, but I hope you don't give up on it. I really do think you have a special ability with it.

And, shoot, if you are writing about things that help difficult child's and their families- then, you know you can't be going down the wrong path! That is really to be admired. You know how many of us here need more advocacy- and I'm sure there are tons of others that haven't even found this board yet.

Way To Go, Steely!! I learned a lot about you tonight!

 

[Abbey]

KMLNO,

This is my big hoopla. I'm relaxing at home with a BOTTLE of wine (you wimpy pieces have just a glass). Sorry. Wine talking.

I hear noises downstairs. Guess I should check it out. I'm not exactly sure who lives here. Sigh...

Abbey

 

[witzend]

A friend called about 3 PM and asked if we wanted to join them for an informal bbq. We all have dogs and need to stay home to keep them calm. We were home by 8, and the fireworks began soon after. The dogs are as calm as can be.

 

[KTMom91]

Hubby decided about 9 pm that we should drive by the high school to see if we could see the big fireworks show, and that we should take the dog, so he wouldn't be afraid by himself at home. We happen to be right by the stadium, windows down with Buddy's head hanging out, when BOOM!!! and Buddy, who is sitting on my lap, pees. We found a spot on the other side of campus and watched the rest of the show from the car, then came home and dried off.

 

[klmno]

LOL!! Was Hubby secretly mad at you yesterday, Mary?

 

[Hound dog]

I went yard saling with easy child for a whole hour. Wooooopeeeee!!! Such huge plans. *snort*

But I'm not a big holiday person.

I tried to go all out for the 4th once. But easy child's mother in law outdid me, planned on the same day, 10x bigger with fireworks to top it off. Mine became a run thru, sort of a pit stop. Too much wasted food, no visiting. Phhhfffft.

When I discovered easy child's mother in law does this EVERY 4th of July I decided there was no point in me making plans and having all that food go to waste after so much hard work. To easy child's mother in law credit, she invited our whole family to her shin dig. Always does. So the kids all go, and husband and I stay here. husband is antisocial and I don't care for fireworks. So I guess it works out.