Steely?
- Thread starter witzend
- Start date
nvts
Active Member
Hi! Was thinking about you as well. It's been "nvts" around here (difficult child 1 - eventually, I'll get the chance to put a thread in about the latest and greatest), but I check in to see how you've been getting along.
Hope all is well, and let us know how you've been dealing!
Beth
Hope all is well, and let us know how you've been dealing!
Beth
Hi Steely, you DO sound pretty good. It's great to see you on some of the notes.
Steely
Active Member
Hey guys,
I just noticed this thread. Thank you.
I am doing OK I guess. I am trying. I think it is all becoming more real for me as each day goes on. I think I cry every day now about H., where before I did not cry for days.
Each moment it seems my reality of losing H. is becoming more crystal clear - and yet there are a zillion moments where I keep myself busy enough that I do not think of her.
Today at work, this kiddo, maybe 27, asked me how I was. It threw me for a loop. Out of the 80 people that I work for, he is one of 2 that has asked me that. I almost started to cry, but I didn't. I am not sure if it is a blessing or a curse that my co-workers are so disconnected from other's lives. However, most of the time I, myself, walk around very disconnected from my reality.
The worst part is not knowing why she died. We know how, just not why, or how the episode unfolded. You do not drown when you know how to swim unless you want to, or someone helps you. The cops could care less. It was a missing person case, and now that they know she died, they have dismissed the entire thing as an "accident". How do you accidentally drown in a pond no deeper than 8 ft unless you want to, or someone helped you? This is what keep me awake at night.
Anyway, thanks again for asking. I am OK, other than feeling disconnected from the real world that orbits around me (and intermittently surprised by razor sharp grief that surpasses any sorrow I have ever felt).
I just noticed this thread. Thank you.
I am doing OK I guess. I am trying. I think it is all becoming more real for me as each day goes on. I think I cry every day now about H., where before I did not cry for days.
Each moment it seems my reality of losing H. is becoming more crystal clear - and yet there are a zillion moments where I keep myself busy enough that I do not think of her.
Today at work, this kiddo, maybe 27, asked me how I was. It threw me for a loop. Out of the 80 people that I work for, he is one of 2 that has asked me that. I almost started to cry, but I didn't. I am not sure if it is a blessing or a curse that my co-workers are so disconnected from other's lives. However, most of the time I, myself, walk around very disconnected from my reality.
The worst part is not knowing why she died. We know how, just not why, or how the episode unfolded. You do not drown when you know how to swim unless you want to, or someone helps you. The cops could care less. It was a missing person case, and now that they know she died, they have dismissed the entire thing as an "accident". How do you accidentally drown in a pond no deeper than 8 ft unless you want to, or someone helped you? This is what keep me awake at night.
Anyway, thanks again for asking. I am OK, other than feeling disconnected from the real world that orbits around me (and intermittently surprised by razor sharp grief that surpasses any sorrow I have ever felt).
Hound dog
Nana's are Beautiful
Steely
You might be crying everyday, but it does seem like you've been doing a bit better of late. And it's good to let it out.
I know it has to be incredibly hard to not know the whys or hows. Have faith. You may have the answers to your questions later down the road. God in his wisdom may not feel you're ready for them yet.
((hugs))
You might be crying everyday, but it does seem like you've been doing a bit better of late. And it's good to let it out.
I know it has to be incredibly hard to not know the whys or hows. Have faith. You may have the answers to your questions later down the road. God in his wisdom may not feel you're ready for them yet.
((hugs))
SearchingForRainbows
Active Member
Steely,
Even though I haven't been around much lately, you're always in my thoughts and prayers...
I also lost someone very close to me in a horrible way. I think I sort of understand how you feel about wanting to know why she died. However, Lisa said what I wanted to say only much, much better than I could have said it. Like her, I believe God may not think it's time for you to have this information yet...
For me, it took lots of time to get to the point where I didn't think about the "why" part of his death on a daily basis. I wish I could say something that would help you - Just know, that in time, things will get easier... It just takes lots and lots of time...
And cry when you need to. It is impossible to be strong all of the time... I need to get caught up. However, I'm glad the others have said that you're doing better.
Thinking of you... WFEN
Even though I haven't been around much lately, you're always in my thoughts and prayers...
I also lost someone very close to me in a horrible way. I think I sort of understand how you feel about wanting to know why she died. However, Lisa said what I wanted to say only much, much better than I could have said it. Like her, I believe God may not think it's time for you to have this information yet...
For me, it took lots of time to get to the point where I didn't think about the "why" part of his death on a daily basis. I wish I could say something that would help you - Just know, that in time, things will get easier... It just takes lots and lots of time...
And cry when you need to. It is impossible to be strong all of the time... I need to get caught up. However, I'm glad the others have said that you're doing better.
Thinking of you... WFEN
nvts
Active Member
Hey! I found this forum called "Recover Your Life". I put the long link on here for you so that you could go straight to the grief section. It seemed like there were a few threads that related to people in your situation. They may be able to relate to your feeling of "will we ever know what really went on?"
http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=75
Keep feeling the feelings. Let them go because they will just fester if you hold them in too long.
I love that the kid at work had the common sense to check up with you (so many people are either self-absorbed or scared to ask).
Kid, jeez, you said he's 27! What the h-e-double hockey sticks! I'm 43 and still think I'm a kid (ok, maybe not a kid, but not old enough to think of a 27 year old as a kid!).
Got you in mind!
Beth
http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=75
Keep feeling the feelings. Let them go because they will just fester if you hold them in too long.
I love that the kid at work had the common sense to check up with you (so many people are either self-absorbed or scared to ask).
Kid, jeez, you said he's 27! What the h-e-double hockey sticks! I'm 43 and still think I'm a kid (ok, maybe not a kid, but not old enough to think of a 27 year old as a kid!).
Got you in mind!
Beth
