Step backwards...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by DammitJanet, Mar 29, 2012.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    And not our Step2..lmao.

    I had been doing so good this week but evidently my cooking tonight just wasnt up to par. I thought I made a delicious meal but it wasnt good enough to please The Royal One's.

    The last three days I have made tuna casserole, broccoli soup, and tonight I made Welsh Rarebit. Let me tell you, Welsh Rarebit is a specialty I have learned to make that I loved growing up. It was one of my favorite things to eat. It is also something that is easy for those of us with tooth issues because it is basically a hot cheese fondue which I serve over crackers and it makes the crackers soften up.

    Well this just ticked Tony off. No meat! How on earth could a working man survive on NO MEAT! I was appalled. I grew up eating this. I spent over an hour sitting at the stove stirring this stuff over a double boiler.

    He kept complaining. Buck didnt even try it. Buck ate all the bread making PBJ sandwichs which ended up getting Tony more irritated with me because I hadnt bought more bread so he could make a sandwich. He complained that I spent too much money over the past two days on the soup and rarebit. I could have made cheaper meals with meat!

    Well I got mad and threw my half eaten plate across the family room and food went everywhere. I stormed out and went to my bedroom. I havent had fits like these in years and all this stress has come on since Buck came here. Its the incredibly build up overall. Just yesterday Buck was talking about how he has never had to take "mental" pills and they scare the hell out of him. But yet he is on them. He laughs about taking seroquel and other street drugs that are psychotropics for recreational use. Tony says things about how many pills I am on a day and how I have to take them so I dont kill everyone while we sleep. When Tony or I tell him that I dont act loopy on the medications Buck says that is because I am addicted. ARGH. The hell. I dont have to increase my medications. I have been on the same doses for years. Though maybe they should have put me in a coma while he is here. Buck says mental people scare him...maybe with me throwing fits he will leave faster. I will act crazy more. It isnt a far jump.
     
  2. keista

    keista New Member

    ((((HUGS))))

    Time to start making talismans and leaving them around. And what's Tony's problem? Cheese is WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY better than meat!
     
  3. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Good for you letting them know how you feel in a way that "might" make some sort of an impact. Tell Tony, next time HE can bring the bread on his way home from work. Personally, I'd go on cooking strike....cook only for myself....let them fend for themselves. If you don't like what I cook, starve or get your own. No way in H*** would I cook one more thing for either of them. If you need a vacation, Minnesota IS nice this time of year...
     
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    OK, I kinda get Tony's point. 4 hours of driving and at least 8 hours of work... and he's a "meat and potatoes" kind of man. If he wasn't, he wouldn't put the effort into things like hunting. Sometimes we ladies forget that the men in our lives LIKE a heavier meal after a hard days work. (I don't need a heavy meal - EVER.)

    However. Janet, my dear. Don't get discouraged. Two steps forward, one back - is still further ahead than you were. Go back through your memory, and pick a few more recipes that are Tony's favorites. It's Tony you're trying to please. And you DO have those recipes. You can do this. You're on the right track, just took a bit of a mis-step. It happens... to all of us.

    Pick up and try again.
    {{hugs}}
     
  5. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Janet, why is it that every meal has to be rated and commented on by those two? What ever happened to "Shut up and eat it!"

    I think you should make each of them a set of those signs with the numbers on them that the judges in the olympics use. Then instead of running their mouths about how they rate the dinner you worked so hard to cook for them, they can just hold up their signs ... "Tony gives the soup an 8.5 while Buck, who doesn't know what that green stuff in it is, gives it a 6.0!"


     
  6. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Much as I'd love to clobber Tony over the head for upsetting you, our dear friend Janet, I think you simply need to regroup and, as IC said, make foods Tony enjoys and stick to your plan that has been working.

    Re the medications-I don't see how it's anyone's business what medications you are taking or how much per day. Buck is a f-ing jerk, his words mean nothing. Ugh, I can't believe you haven't smothered him in his sleep yet.

    Hang in there, hugs. by the way, who cleaned up the plate and food you threw?
     
  7. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Or, what ever happened to a simple, "Thanks for making dinner, honey" and leave it at that. The one and only time I welcomed feedback about my cooking is when we did a vegetarian challenge and tried something new nightly. I wanted ratings so I knew which dishes were winners and which were losers. It would really bug me to get running commentary on my cooking every danged night!
     
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Heck if I know who cleaned it up...lol. Maybe they let the dog eat it. He would. I never clean up my fits. My theory is that if someone hadnt pushed me past my breaking point, I wouldnt have gotten there so they can deal with the aftermath.
     
  9. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Honestly,
    I'm GLAD you had a fit! Sounds like it was about time. I mean goodness you've been crying to yourself and festering over this situation now for how long???

    What is it about religious fanatics and medication for mental/emotional stability?
    Don't know if I told you all this recently...but the latest from my oldest difficult child as to why he won't allow his daughters to be a part of "our side of the family" is because of my Bipolar Disorder...or as he calls it "wierdness"...There shalt be no "wierdness" around their family, lol. Poor granddaughters are likely going to end up neurotic in some way because of THEIR wierdness for heavens sake!!! They are so "fear-based" in their thinking. And, I think this Buck character is very afraid too.
    Giving him something to think about may not be such a bad idea after all, lol, snicker snicker!

    Just wish Buck would move on down the road, ya know. I am SO SORRY you are still having to put up with his ****!

    LMS
     
  10. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I have honestly stopped imagining that Schmuck would ever be able to see how ironic his words are. He is just toooooooo limited. Nothing he says is worth getting upset about because he has not ONE CLUE and can't take another's perspective in any manner shape or form. Tony is a different story. He can have an opinion, but still needs to be kind and put his relationship with the mother of his children above all others. He wants food, he needs to respectfully ask, thank, recommend, etc. Please God... get Schmuck into the boarding house or guide him back to the hole he crawled out of.....
     
  11. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    They were very rude and had no reason to act like that! Who does he think he's talking to, saying he never had to take mental pills? He's a guest in your home, how dare he speak to you like that! Serequel is ok as a street drug though, WTH?

    BUCK ate the last of your family's bread, Tony should be mad at him, if Buck were any type of "normal" person he would feel bad and run himself, he does have a car, to the local store replacing the one he finished! And feeling bad about it. It's not your job in any way to keep Buck in enjoyable meals! In front of Buck Tony needed to thank you and treat you with kindness, is it truly a reason for Tony to act like that, NO?! We ALL make meals our family doesn't like sometimes, it happens, we waste time, food and money. All of us have done it. Tomorrow is another day. You're not alone in doing that, believe me.
    Have a discussion with Tony, what does he want for dinner this week, or nexr few meals....don't let him "ask Buck"...it's not his business. If he's like my husband he'll say, "You know what I like" which gets me annoyed because I want him to want to eat it. Ask him if he wants x or y. Or let him suggest.

    Serequel will knock you on your butt, unless you have (I know because I take it sometimes) extreme anxiety, then it just evens you out. But for recreation? INSANITY Janet!
     
  12. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    So Buck's reasoning that it's okay to take Rx drugs for fun, but not for their intended purpose? But he's not an addict, nooooooooo. :fantasysmiley:
     
  13. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    UAN is right, Buck should have replaced the bread, gratefully!

    It was wrong of Tony to be so critical and disrespectful of you like that.

    Jeez, I think there could definitely be some permanent damage being done to your relationship....that even after Buck leaves, it will be difficult to repair those aspects without Tony really working hard at making up for it.
     
  14. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Bread issue: I'd have looked directed at Buck and TOLD (not asked) him to go buy more bread NOW. He ate it, he replaces it. This should be the rule from here on out in my opinion. It's not an unreasonable rule. Buck is working and making money. There is no reason for him NOT to replace the food he eats, especially when he's eating so much of it no one else has that food to eat. Uh, no.

    I, for one, am tickled pink you finally blew your top. It was long over due. They pushed you to it, you reacted. No, probably not the greatest way to show how utterly peeved you are, but it gets the job done. At least it didn't reduce you to tears as you retreated to your room. You're getting your temper back. And unlike others here, I see that as a good thing. In this situation, it's needed. No, you can't go off every single time or it loses it's effect........but I think you know what I mean.

    I know you made a lovely meal. But Tony is exhausted when he gets home and wants something he can literally dig into and will stick to his ribs until breakfast. (because it won't take long for him to be asleep) With him, it is more his work hours & that darn drive than your cooking. (Buck is just being an :censored2:) I tried not to get "creative" with meals except on weekends because husband got up at 4:30am, got home around 4pm and spent 2 hrs on the road each day........and he didn't have the physical labor Tony does all day. He worked in a lab. He wants meat and potatoes? Then I'd give him his fav meat and potato / pasta meals. (gramma always said the way to a man's heart was through his stomach, I've never seen her proven wrong yet)

    Over the psychiatric medications? Sorry, but I'd have flat out told him HE is also taking psychiatric medications. I can't stand that sort of thinking from people. Most psychiatric medications were developed for other reasons/disorders than mental illness.......just along the way they discovered it helped other symptoms ect. There are many uses for psychiatric medications, not just for mental illness. Lamactil (sp) is about the only one I know of that was actually developed for bipolar.

    Most religious fanatics (Buck is NOT one by the way, he is a pretender, and not very good at that even) are nearly crippled by anxiety, which is what causes the fanaticism. They latch onto religion like a security blanket. They become devout in order to feel more secure. Buck is about as "devout" as my left foot. Buck hides behind his "church" so that people can't criticize him for the idiocy that comes pouring out of his mouth on a regular basis. Most of the time it works because we're taught early on all about freedom of religion and are careful (usually) not to step on toes concerning the subject. This behavior can be easily battled by getting your bible out and looking up various helpful scripture, memorizing it (be sure to include chapter and verse ect) and throwing it back into his face. My mom won't quote the bible to me much these days. I don't "do" organized religion but that doesn't mean I'm ignorant on the subject and growing up with a fanatic I learned much more than I even realized. Certainly much more than SHE realized......and I use it against her when necessary. lol
     
  15. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I think I have to agree with Lisa on this one, Janet - it's about time. You and I both put up with a LOT. And when we finally blow - it's ugly, but sometimes it's worth it!

    I am rattling every bead I've got for that boarding house to come through. because Buck needs to GO. AWAY.
     
  16. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I got an eyeful and an earful today from not only Cory but two other guys riding the van about Buck. Tony had to meet me at a store on the side of the interstate about halfway home on their drive but it was about halfway to the place I was having my MRI done this evening. Meeting Tony there and having him switch off and have Buck drive the rest of the way home meant Tony didnt have to drive as far. We could even catch something to eat before the test. But anyway...about Buck. Cory and the other two guys said that Buck is simply not carrying his weight at all. He will stand there looking up and say stuff like...ummm...I dont think we can do that. Cory and Tony have to just move him out of the way and do it around him and trust me, Cory and Tony are in much worse shape. Tony is now telling me he doesnt know how much longer Buck is going to last doing this. Tony is irritated because Buck and Cory get on each others nerves. I said no joke. Its like putting me and Buck to work on the same job. How long do you think that would last? I would push him off the fifth floor. oops. I told Tony that he simply didnt listen to me when I tried to tell him about a month ago when Billy found a wonderful job that would have been perfect for Buck. It was right up his alley and played into his strengths. He got snotty with me and said oh yeah sure...what was it, working at burger king? I said no...working at Adalio's. (Greek/Italian restaurant...nice sitdown place here in town) The man needed a night working about 40 or so hours a week overnights cleaning the kitchens and sweeping out the restaurant. This is what Buck claims to be so good at. It paid 10 to start with the possibility of raises and it came with benefits.

    Tony got all derisive and said how is he supposed to live on 10 an hour? I said you expect Cory to! Thats all they pay Cory and Cory does more work than Buck. Buck lived on minimum wage at BK.

    Its sad...Buck has lied so much to Tony and he doesnt know it. I took a look at his medical records that he brought with him. He has told Tony that he never lived with this girlfriend he has but he told the doctor that he was living with her in august. In fact he was living with her and he got so angry with her that he started to get out of control so he didnt know what to do so they put him on lexapro. You know how he told us that he had the hip steroid shot oh months and months ago. No, it was in October and then he told them it felt better for about a couple of weeks but then it got worse again. Then when the doctors wouldnt refill his vicodin he said well I guess I will just take tylenol. He was taking up to 15 tylenol a day until the doctors told him that would kill him. They told him no more than 4. In none of his records can I find where he has told any doctor that he ever used drugs. He said he used to drink but quit years ago.
     
  17. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    OMG! Buck has a drivers license?
     
  18. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well here is the deal. He had a SC drivers license. He came to NC on 1/29. Sometime the first week of February Billy took him to DMV to get his NC ID. He wanted to get his NC Drivers license but in NC you have to have insurance and take the entire driving test all over again including written and over the road again. Well he didnt want to pay to get non owners insurance because its quite high so he just got a NC ID but they told him he could drive on his SC drivers license for 60 days from the day he got his ID but then he had to get his license by then or his SC license went dead. So in other words...sometime next week, that license goes dead. LOL. I am not saying a word. If he doesnt get his license before his SC goes dead, he will have to get a learners permit here so he can do the over the road with the trooper..lmao. It will be a mess.
     
  19. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Lexapro. Didn't he just tell you he never took "mental pills"...as he so elequently put it? In reality, Tony has been picking up Buck's slack at work and is probably just as stressed out you are over the situation. Now that you know he's not taking his Lexapro, it's scary knowing he has the capacity to get so angry and out of control and he lives in your house. You need to tell Tony, it's a shame how Buck lied and takes advantage of your family. Buck is a complete idiot, he should be keeping track of the 60 days. It's just going to be another excuse to stay longer...maybe he's waiting for the 60 days to lapse on purpose. Tony has seen enough, (c'mon a cup of URINE?) he needs to get Buck out of there and to the boarding house. This has gone on way too long. Hugs!
     
  20. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I think it's okay to blow when it all becomes too much. However, it sounds like it's all going to unravel quite nicely on it's own. Even Tony is complaining. The thing is, you are his sounding board,he needs to be able to complain to you without you saying "That's what I said!" or chiming in with your own complaints, Know what I mean?? It probably really gets under his skin that when he's complaining to you about Buck and then you chime in with your own complaints.

    I know that is not fair, you should be able to vent, but I really think the best bet is to just let him vent and work it out in his own head and it will unravel in it's own time, Tony will see it more clearly on his own without your input. It's early, am I making sense?

    My h complains to me about this one worker he has, for years. I used to add my two cents and then I finally stopped. He has finally realized what I'd been saying all along and now he doesn't call this guy to work unless he's desperate. It worked itself out, H realized it (finally!) on his own.

    I know it's difficult to keep your mouth shut, I truly do. And you should blow up when it suits you,but on a day to day basis, I think you should just keep on doing what you're doing and let Tony figure this out because it sounds like he will.
     
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