step-difficult child coming to live with us!?!! pls help

[myfirstandlast]

Just looking at this again, since the cycle is repeating right now.

I sound so selfish and judgemental toward her here, and I'm sorry. I really didn't feel in control of my life.

I want to be the kind of stepmom that my dad's longtime girlfriend was to me. She was always kind, but always firm, and I respected her so much and did what I was told and LIKED her.

I avoided, ignored, and fought with my stepdad, which was much worse growing up, because I lived with him and my mother. I figure she's going to "like" me a lot less now that she'll be living with us. She only had to tolerate me 4 days a month before. :wink:

Anyway, I'm sorry for how I sound ... I do NOT have contempt for her ... just frustration and fear. It was such a struggle and a journey to get my bio kids out of my former abusive marriage ... and I did it so that my then-3 y.o. bio daughter would not have the environment to overcome that my step daughter has had for 14 years ...

 

[Grammaz]

Hello anyone,
Have never used a chat room or forum website until now so don't know if I'm doing anything right. Just know I need to talk with someone, anyone on the subject of Asperger's/Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED)/ODD who knows what else pertaining to an eight year old boy who will soon become my step-grandson. He along with-his sister(6) and mother (whom I adore) recently moved in with my son and his two children (ages 13/girl and 8/boy). We are all so very happy for this union of families(both parents are in their(40's)they have waited a year to take this step and have tried very hard to make sure the children were the priority in all decisions. The children had AS/Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED)/ODD explained to them and were witness to on several occasions his outbursts but not to the violent extent that has surfaced since moving in together two weeks ago. My grandson being the same age (8)is fearful of his soon to be step brother having been verbally and physically attacked by him more than once in this short time. My son has to physically subdue this child (difficult child)until he calms down almost on a daily basis. What was once a calm quiet nurturing household has now turned into an emotional rollercoaster where one minute there's fun and sharing and the next chaos. In a nutshell I'm worried sick about the effect this negative/violent atmosphere will have on not only my grandchlidren but on the family as a whole. I want so very much for this to work out them all. Every other aspect of their relationship/family is loving and harmonious. I just need someone to talk to. Maybe to put things into perspective for me. Right now it's scary to think about their future.