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<blockquote data-quote="Liahona" data-source="post: 539650"><p>Hi, I don't have the step-parent issue (my husband does though) its my son that is dangerous to the other kids and animals. difficult child 1 also tried to kill his siblings and has killed birds. When I couldn't keep the other kids safe from him he had to go to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for a year. That really helped him. He isn't better by a long shot and I still keep a close watch on him. Even if you had unconditional love for him you would still have to keep your other son safe. I love my son, and he still had to leave the house for the safety of the other kids. I love my other kids too. And the best thing for my son was to have an environment he could learn how to get along with others better. </p><p></p><p>Some of the things I do to keep everyone safe are: have an alarm on his bedroom door and on the other kid's doors. The alarm on difficult child 1's door is on the outside so he can't turn it off after we shut the door. The alarms on the other kids doors are on the inside so he would have to open the door (setting off the alarm) to turn it off. We have all the alarms because I can sleep through his bedroom alarm since its downstairs and everyone else is upstairs. difficult child 1 used to wander the house at night.</p><p></p><p>He has his own bedroom that is also his safe spot for when he upset.</p><p></p><p>I have the phone and keys in my pocket at all times. difficult child 1 has locked me out of the house before (while he and the other kids were inside). The phone is to call for help if you need it.</p><p></p><p>Keep a journal of what he does. This will help if you do need to call for help or if he lies to someone and they call cps on you. Sounds like he is good at manipulating and as soon as the cops show up he will turn on the charm. They may not believe you. Others have video taped behavior but I never could set up the camera and keep it set up.</p><p></p><p>I set up baby gates so when difficult child 1 was in time out (in his room) the other kids couldn't get anywhere near the door. It was like a no-mans land. If they got near the door he would open it and do something to them (at worst) or the audience would just escalate his rage (at best).</p><p></p><p>I had to put difficult child 1 in his room with the alarm on to go to the bathroom. Then I hurried as fast as I could. Sometimes I'd take the other kids with me or set up the baby gate so they were stuck in a safe spot. </p><p></p><p>Never, ever leave them alone together. I couldn't even turn my back on them together. difficult child 1 had to be in my sight at all times. Once I heard a small sound behind me. I turned around and difficult child 1 and a rope around difficult child 2's neck. </p><p></p><p>I don't think it unreasonable to not want your step-son to come visit for 9 weeks until he gets better treatment (Residential Treatment Center (RTC)) to help him live peaceably with others. That line might go over better with your husband than I can't stand him and can't handle him.</p><p></p><p>I'm glad your husband does most of the taking care of your step-son while he is there. I sympathize about how much time and energy it takes. I don't have the support of another spouse (mine has Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)) and have had to do all this alone. Our house is very messy. </p><p></p><p>good luck</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Liahona, post: 539650"] Hi, I don't have the step-parent issue (my husband does though) its my son that is dangerous to the other kids and animals. difficult child 1 also tried to kill his siblings and has killed birds. When I couldn't keep the other kids safe from him he had to go to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for a year. That really helped him. He isn't better by a long shot and I still keep a close watch on him. Even if you had unconditional love for him you would still have to keep your other son safe. I love my son, and he still had to leave the house for the safety of the other kids. I love my other kids too. And the best thing for my son was to have an environment he could learn how to get along with others better. Some of the things I do to keep everyone safe are: have an alarm on his bedroom door and on the other kid's doors. The alarm on difficult child 1's door is on the outside so he can't turn it off after we shut the door. The alarms on the other kids doors are on the inside so he would have to open the door (setting off the alarm) to turn it off. We have all the alarms because I can sleep through his bedroom alarm since its downstairs and everyone else is upstairs. difficult child 1 used to wander the house at night. He has his own bedroom that is also his safe spot for when he upset. I have the phone and keys in my pocket at all times. difficult child 1 has locked me out of the house before (while he and the other kids were inside). The phone is to call for help if you need it. Keep a journal of what he does. This will help if you do need to call for help or if he lies to someone and they call cps on you. Sounds like he is good at manipulating and as soon as the cops show up he will turn on the charm. They may not believe you. Others have video taped behavior but I never could set up the camera and keep it set up. I set up baby gates so when difficult child 1 was in time out (in his room) the other kids couldn't get anywhere near the door. It was like a no-mans land. If they got near the door he would open it and do something to them (at worst) or the audience would just escalate his rage (at best). I had to put difficult child 1 in his room with the alarm on to go to the bathroom. Then I hurried as fast as I could. Sometimes I'd take the other kids with me or set up the baby gate so they were stuck in a safe spot. Never, ever leave them alone together. I couldn't even turn my back on them together. difficult child 1 had to be in my sight at all times. Once I heard a small sound behind me. I turned around and difficult child 1 and a rope around difficult child 2's neck. I don't think it unreasonable to not want your step-son to come visit for 9 weeks until he gets better treatment (Residential Treatment Center (RTC)) to help him live peaceably with others. That line might go over better with your husband than I can't stand him and can't handle him. I'm glad your husband does most of the taking care of your step-son while he is there. I sympathize about how much time and energy it takes. I don't have the support of another spouse (mine has Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)) and have had to do all this alone. Our house is very messy. good luck [/QUOTE]
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