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step parents and ODD - help!
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<blockquote data-quote="MuM_of_OCD_kiddo" data-source="post: 456667" data-attributes="member: 12241"><p>That can seriously become an even bigger problem once he works up the courage [or rage] to start pushing and shoving you. That tends to escalate to hitting, slapping and throwing stuff at you as it progresses. I bet he doesn't do that to Chris, or does he? It would really surprise me if he had the nerve to do so = this is a respect issue. This looks like early stages of "parent bully-ing" and you need to figure out how to put a stop to that, or sooner or later he will lay hands on you and then it is all the way down the drain...</p><p></p><p>I went through this with mine when he was late 15/early 16 and my life was miserable. I kept telling myself, how the heck am I accepting this BS from my own child, when I wouldn't accept this type of abuse from a husband or SO. I wanted to divorce him so bad [yes = my son, if he would have been a man in my life he would have been so outta luck!]. I wanted to run away and get a name change. I wanted to drop him off at the church steps in a basket if I could have figured out a way of keeping him in there, LOL. Anything to get out from under him! </p><p></p><p>When I got to that point, I came to the conclusion that there was no way in h*ll that I would live like this for another 2 years, before he was old enough for me to officially being able to kick him out and I made changes. Not in him - there was no talking or reasoning with him at that time - in myself. And consequently [long story short] - he responded to those changes in myself and grew through them himself. For fairness reasons - he did not have as long a line of abbreviations [;o)} as yours does - he had however the worst case of pure thought Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) with a nice healthy dose of ODD for good measure. We made many changes. I asserted myself as head of household and the bullying stopped when I stood up to him and got in his face instead everytime he tried. We ate healthier and cut out a lot of fast food, sugar and over processed stuff - I cook mostly from scratch, very rarely do we eat anything out of the box these days. I got him on a good exercise routine which did wonders for his aggressions. I made him work physically around the house and our rural property - wearing him out, making him tired, so he could sleep better. I made sure he went to bed earlier, slept more - sometimes he would need the help of melatonin. Now he sleeps fine most of the time with-out it, but on occasions when he forgets or gets carried away on the computer and doesn't sleep enough - he sure gets irritable again. </p><p></p><p>He has grown a lot emotionally and maturitywise too - you can talk to him about most things now, without the defense mechanism kicking in. He is mostly in control of his temper now, and has learned to deal with a bad mood coming on. And guess what - he is now 18 and still here, and probably will stay quite a bit longer too - and welcome to it too. I had never expected for him to make such a thorough change for the better - I now actually have hopes for him to have a good life. I would not have said that 2 years ago. </p><p></p><p>Anyways - to sum up - as long as he feels he can bully you, harass you or possibly even injure you and nothing worse is going to happen other than you and Chris having a fight over it - he is not going to stop or even think about the consequences about what he is doing. I have often thought that mine was just pushing my buttons simply because he could. Not saying that he didn't have genuine problems there - but there was also a certain amount of willfulness, hatefulness and just ODD contrariness there, that was hard to deal with. And I cannot say how many times I had looked at him and thought - "Oh my gosh - he really hates me! If looks could kill, I would be dead!" There were times when he was so angry and in so much rage, I thought he would give himself a stroke. And oh yeah - those looks I got while I was actively trying to help him and being accomodating to his issues; after I made up my mind about stop being pushed around and walked all over by him - they gradually changed to wary looks, respectful looks, polite when disagreeing looks. Today I get hugs and kisses again, we can agree to disagree about certain subjects without all h*ll breaking lose, and he comes several times each day to just sit and chat with me or share his thoughts. I actually do not only love my kid again, I like him again too! There is hope for all of us!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MuM_of_OCD_kiddo, post: 456667, member: 12241"] That can seriously become an even bigger problem once he works up the courage [or rage] to start pushing and shoving you. That tends to escalate to hitting, slapping and throwing stuff at you as it progresses. I bet he doesn't do that to Chris, or does he? It would really surprise me if he had the nerve to do so = this is a respect issue. This looks like early stages of "parent bully-ing" and you need to figure out how to put a stop to that, or sooner or later he will lay hands on you and then it is all the way down the drain... I went through this with mine when he was late 15/early 16 and my life was miserable. I kept telling myself, how the heck am I accepting this BS from my own child, when I wouldn't accept this type of abuse from a husband or SO. I wanted to divorce him so bad [yes = my son, if he would have been a man in my life he would have been so outta luck!]. I wanted to run away and get a name change. I wanted to drop him off at the church steps in a basket if I could have figured out a way of keeping him in there, LOL. Anything to get out from under him! When I got to that point, I came to the conclusion that there was no way in h*ll that I would live like this for another 2 years, before he was old enough for me to officially being able to kick him out and I made changes. Not in him - there was no talking or reasoning with him at that time - in myself. And consequently [long story short] - he responded to those changes in myself and grew through them himself. For fairness reasons - he did not have as long a line of abbreviations [;o)} as yours does - he had however the worst case of pure thought Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) with a nice healthy dose of ODD for good measure. We made many changes. I asserted myself as head of household and the bullying stopped when I stood up to him and got in his face instead everytime he tried. We ate healthier and cut out a lot of fast food, sugar and over processed stuff - I cook mostly from scratch, very rarely do we eat anything out of the box these days. I got him on a good exercise routine which did wonders for his aggressions. I made him work physically around the house and our rural property - wearing him out, making him tired, so he could sleep better. I made sure he went to bed earlier, slept more - sometimes he would need the help of melatonin. Now he sleeps fine most of the time with-out it, but on occasions when he forgets or gets carried away on the computer and doesn't sleep enough - he sure gets irritable again. He has grown a lot emotionally and maturitywise too - you can talk to him about most things now, without the defense mechanism kicking in. He is mostly in control of his temper now, and has learned to deal with a bad mood coming on. And guess what - he is now 18 and still here, and probably will stay quite a bit longer too - and welcome to it too. I had never expected for him to make such a thorough change for the better - I now actually have hopes for him to have a good life. I would not have said that 2 years ago. Anyways - to sum up - as long as he feels he can bully you, harass you or possibly even injure you and nothing worse is going to happen other than you and Chris having a fight over it - he is not going to stop or even think about the consequences about what he is doing. I have often thought that mine was just pushing my buttons simply because he could. Not saying that he didn't have genuine problems there - but there was also a certain amount of willfulness, hatefulness and just ODD contrariness there, that was hard to deal with. And I cannot say how many times I had looked at him and thought - "Oh my gosh - he really hates me! If looks could kill, I would be dead!" There were times when he was so angry and in so much rage, I thought he would give himself a stroke. And oh yeah - those looks I got while I was actively trying to help him and being accomodating to his issues; after I made up my mind about stop being pushed around and walked all over by him - they gradually changed to wary looks, respectful looks, polite when disagreeing looks. Today I get hugs and kisses again, we can agree to disagree about certain subjects without all h*ll breaking lose, and he comes several times each day to just sit and chat with me or share his thoughts. I actually do not only love my kid again, I like him again too! There is hope for all of us! [/QUOTE]
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