step-son with aspergers and fasd

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by l_ewing, Jun 28, 2016.

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  1. l_ewing

    l_ewing New Member

    I have no clue what to do anymore. I have a 5 1/2-year-old SS and have been in his life since he was 1 1/2. His bio mom has not seen him in over 2 years, so it's definitely not an issue of bio mom influencing him.

    Shortly after birth, he was diagnosed with failure to thrive and unfortunately has had problems ever since. At 3 he was diagnosed with autism (Aspergers specifically), and at 5 with fetal alcohol. He takes medicine twice daily for his anger issues and regularly sees a therapist. He is in special education classes at school where he also receives therapy.

    He has anger problems out of this world. He doesn't care who is in his way, he will physically harm anyone or anything. In the last two weeks alone at daycare, he has hit 4 different children. It is over things that most people would not even think was a problem, but to him is the biggest issue in the world. He punched another boy in his class because his towel was where my SS didn't want it to be.

    He also frequently urinates on himself but it potty trained. The urination never occurs at night, but rather during the day. He got so angry with me the other weekend because I asked him to go potty that he peed on himself, put a hole in my bathroom wall, punched me, punched himself, and had a two-hour meltdown.

    I am currently 5 months pregnant with my husband and I's first child. He has hit me in my stomach several times since I have been pregnant and shows no remorse. He doesn't care if he hurts me, or anyone else, and thinks it is funny when he is punished. He has drawn blood and left bruises on me. My husband sometimes attempts to fix the behavior, but he usually just tries to talk to him and tell him what he does isn't nice.

    I'm worried about my unborn child, especially since he has no problem hitting me in my stomach. He hits both boys and girls of any age. He has definitely shown that he doesn't care who is in his path when he is mad. That obviously worries me because I'm afraid he will hit the baby once he is born.

    Any suggestions on how to deal with this behavior or a specialist to see? His behavior is literally tearing my family apart.
     
  2. karisma

    karisma Member

    Hi l_ewing. I just want to say my heart goes out to you. I understand the pain. Other people on this board will have ideas and advice. You are not alone. My son was once an extremely violent and sexually inappropriate 5 year old. He is 26 now and was diagnosed as bipolar at age 3. The most difficult years were about 3-9. When they are little and completely out of control like that, it seemed like the most difficult period for me at least. Anyhow, I just wanted to say hi. Hugs to you
     
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    in my opinion It would really help if you cope better I you and hub understood more about the complicated behavior of thise with fetal alcohol syndrome. We adopted a little boy whose birhmother took drugs snd drank so he needed testing for Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS). Fortunately, he dodged the bullet. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) is organic brain damage due to birthmother drinking while pregnant. The children have little impulse control snd "swiss cheese thinking" as in they can learn something one day and forget it the next. They do not all understand right from wrong,vat the worst, and often do the same wrong thing over and over again. Theirbmemories are compromised. Autism is common along with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS). ItDoesnt help, does it? I feel very bad for you and husband and also the child.

    if you are near Chicago, or can get there, an expert on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) is there. PM me and Ill give you his name. If not, a neuropstchologist (not the same asva neurologist...they are different) knows about Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) and can set you on the right path. Talking to him or punishment doesn't usually work as they dont always get it, have problems wirh comprehension, and often plain forget. Alcohol in utero is toxic to a developing babies brain. Your husband and you need good help and guidance for this child. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) is being studied now and they knew much more about it now than they did when we adopted our son. Do take advantage of that newest information. Dont try to do this alone.

    In the meantime, knowledge is power While you wait to see an expert, do read all you can by buying or renting from library newer books about Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS). I used this method during the time I had to wait to see Dr. C. in Chicago.

    Wishing you luck and congrats on the new baby. Take a deep breath. You will get thtough this.
     
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    Last edited: Jun 29, 2016
  4. l_ewing

    l_ewing New Member

    Unfortunately we are in Louisiana and there aren't many resources. We made an apt with a fasd specialist right after we found out he had it but our appointment isn't for another year.
     
  5. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Do you have good health insurance to cover all the therapies you need? We did, but some things, like case management services were not covered. So the local mental health facility helped us to apply for an SED Waiver. So even though we did not qualify for our daughters to have a medical card based on our income, we did based on their needs. It helped to cover all those copays, and Rx, and therapies.

    I believe SED stands for Severely Emotionally Disabled.

    Good luck. KSM
     
  6. l_ewing

    l_ewing New Member

    Thank you :) it definitely makes me feel better
     
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    We had to wait a year too. Fun, fun, not!

    Hang in there and read. You will get some ideas and insight through gaining knowledge. The good experts do have long waiting lists!

    Hugs to you. We get it.
     
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