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Parent Emeritus
Still can't get the right way to deal with this.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 761839" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>Hi there. I am sorry for your situation and believe your worry about your grandsons reel you in. I get this. I was in the same.boat.</p><p></p><p> However....I have a very abusive daughter, probably borderline, and we (her father and I) finally cut off all help. Her child now lives with my sane daughter. He is thriving away from insane daughter.</p><p></p><p>Adult children like your daughter and mine don't care if WE are healthy. Mine sure didn't care. She counted on my strong empathy for her to allow her to both abuse both of us and to take all she could from us. Now starting at a young age we knew we couldn't live with her so we bought her a house to get her out safely. We were very generous and loving. That house didn't work out but she never came back. Even so I kept trying to save her and it never worked out well and almost gave me a nervous breakdown and her father and I nearly divorced. My other kids were not given as much attention as she sucked the life out of me. She literally was destroying all of us. Finally husband said ENOUGH and left me when I refused to finally stop enabling our daughter. That triggered me to get into privateb therapy and to join Nar Anon. They saved my.life and I found that I matter too.. So do you. We matter as much as our children matter.. They are adults now and need to learn to stand alone. We won't be around forever.</p><p></p><p>I am more peaceful without Kay around us.. She found a way to get Disability and government assistance and.now lives in a motor home in another state with her husband (horrible man but they are very much alike). She is angry at me, but at least she didn't kill me and the rest of my family is great and thriving. Kay could get mental health care and help for her pot addiction but she has not ever been willing to help herself. One day maybe she will. Or not. I can not make her happy. She needs to do that. Nobody can save another especially when the person won't try. I decided our help was not help and then I let go.</p><p></p><p>I recommend going to private therapy for yourself and/or going to a 12 Step group like Families Ananymous or Nar Anon (if she uses or used drugs,) for support. FA and NA.have Zoom meetings now. I am in Nar Anon.Changed my life. I like this forum, but in my opinion nothing beats real life support. If you want support in NA send me a message and I will get you info on how to join an online Zoom meeting. Ours is tonight at 6:30 and we have a wonderful, caring group.</p><p></p><p>I send you hugs and prayers.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 761839, member: 23706"] Hi there. I am sorry for your situation and believe your worry about your grandsons reel you in. I get this. I was in the same.boat. However....I have a very abusive daughter, probably borderline, and we (her father and I) finally cut off all help. Her child now lives with my sane daughter. He is thriving away from insane daughter. Adult children like your daughter and mine don't care if WE are healthy. Mine sure didn't care. She counted on my strong empathy for her to allow her to both abuse both of us and to take all she could from us. Now starting at a young age we knew we couldn't live with her so we bought her a house to get her out safely. We were very generous and loving. That house didn't work out but she never came back. Even so I kept trying to save her and it never worked out well and almost gave me a nervous breakdown and her father and I nearly divorced. My other kids were not given as much attention as she sucked the life out of me. She literally was destroying all of us. Finally husband said ENOUGH and left me when I refused to finally stop enabling our daughter. That triggered me to get into privateb therapy and to join Nar Anon. They saved my.life and I found that I matter too.. So do you. We matter as much as our children matter.. They are adults now and need to learn to stand alone. We won't be around forever. I am more peaceful without Kay around us.. She found a way to get Disability and government assistance and.now lives in a motor home in another state with her husband (horrible man but they are very much alike). She is angry at me, but at least she didn't kill me and the rest of my family is great and thriving. Kay could get mental health care and help for her pot addiction but she has not ever been willing to help herself. One day maybe she will. Or not. I can not make her happy. She needs to do that. Nobody can save another especially when the person won't try. I decided our help was not help and then I let go. I recommend going to private therapy for yourself and/or going to a 12 Step group like Families Ananymous or Nar Anon (if she uses or used drugs,) for support. FA and NA.have Zoom meetings now. I am in Nar Anon.Changed my life. I like this forum, but in my opinion nothing beats real life support. If you want support in NA send me a message and I will get you info on how to join an online Zoom meeting. Ours is tonight at 6:30 and we have a wonderful, caring group. I send you hugs and prayers. [/QUOTE]
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