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Substance Abuse
Still on the downside of the track, need to vent.
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<blockquote data-quote="KFld" data-source="post: 31021" data-attributes="member: 2442"><p>I can assure you that your son would not rather be living on the streets and eating out of garbage pails, it is only what he has you believing because he is running the show. You have to gain control of this situation. He is heading downhill fast and you are enabling him to do this. By enabling him you are driving the car thats going downhill. I know it's hard, I know it's heart wrenching, because I have been there. My son hardly ever broke curfew and somehow remained pretty much respectful to us through our entire ordeal with him, so we never had to deal with that part of it, but by our ignoring his pot smoking when he was younger, wanting to believe it wouldn't turn into anything worse, and then enabling him for a very very short time after discovering his heroin addiction, we as parents did not do him one favor. </p><p>By writing that letter to your son and telling him he had a choice to make in regards to being a part of the family, and that there would be consequences, and then him still doing whatever he pleases with no consequences, you just pretty much told him he can do what he wants and that you have no clue what to do about it. </p><p></p><p>You and your wife have to come up with a plan to save him, and then stick to it. You have to gain control of this child in order to save him. Until you are ready to do this, his behavior will not get any better and will rapidly get worse. Maybe he needs to live on the street and eat out of garbage pails in order to realize what he is missing out on in life. </p><p></p><p>My son was only 18 years old the day we threw him out of our home and it broke my heart. I thought I would never recover from that feeling and had no idea what would happen to him. I cried, I thew up, I was so confused. Tomorrow my son will be six months clean and is living in a soberhouse, going to work everyday, paying his rent, has a sponsor, goes to his meetings and is a happy healthy responsible adult. If I had allowed him to live in our house and didn't learn how to detatch and stop enabling, he would still be using daily, if he were even alive! I truly believe I saved my sons life by making him face his choices in life. I'm not saying you have to kick your child out, but you have to find a way to take a stand against him and gain control of your home and the rest of your families life. The most important thing is that my son knows that what we did, enabled him to be where he is today. He doesn't hate us for it, he loves us for it. </p><p></p><p>You need to get yourselves to a parent alanon group meeting. </p><p></p><p>I don't mean to sound harsh and I hope I'm not offending you, but my son celebrating his 20th birthday yesterday is proof that detatching and not enabling works.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="KFld, post: 31021, member: 2442"] I can assure you that your son would not rather be living on the streets and eating out of garbage pails, it is only what he has you believing because he is running the show. You have to gain control of this situation. He is heading downhill fast and you are enabling him to do this. By enabling him you are driving the car thats going downhill. I know it's hard, I know it's heart wrenching, because I have been there. My son hardly ever broke curfew and somehow remained pretty much respectful to us through our entire ordeal with him, so we never had to deal with that part of it, but by our ignoring his pot smoking when he was younger, wanting to believe it wouldn't turn into anything worse, and then enabling him for a very very short time after discovering his heroin addiction, we as parents did not do him one favor. By writing that letter to your son and telling him he had a choice to make in regards to being a part of the family, and that there would be consequences, and then him still doing whatever he pleases with no consequences, you just pretty much told him he can do what he wants and that you have no clue what to do about it. You and your wife have to come up with a plan to save him, and then stick to it. You have to gain control of this child in order to save him. Until you are ready to do this, his behavior will not get any better and will rapidly get worse. Maybe he needs to live on the street and eat out of garbage pails in order to realize what he is missing out on in life. My son was only 18 years old the day we threw him out of our home and it broke my heart. I thought I would never recover from that feeling and had no idea what would happen to him. I cried, I thew up, I was so confused. Tomorrow my son will be six months clean and is living in a soberhouse, going to work everyday, paying his rent, has a sponsor, goes to his meetings and is a happy healthy responsible adult. If I had allowed him to live in our house and didn't learn how to detatch and stop enabling, he would still be using daily, if he were even alive! I truly believe I saved my sons life by making him face his choices in life. I'm not saying you have to kick your child out, but you have to find a way to take a stand against him and gain control of your home and the rest of your families life. The most important thing is that my son knows that what we did, enabled him to be where he is today. He doesn't hate us for it, he loves us for it. You need to get yourselves to a parent alanon group meeting. I don't mean to sound harsh and I hope I'm not offending you, but my son celebrating his 20th birthday yesterday is proof that detatching and not enabling works. [/QUOTE]
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Still on the downside of the track, need to vent.
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