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Substance Abuse
Still on the downside of the track, need to vent.
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<blockquote data-quote="HereWeGoAgain" data-source="post: 31032" data-attributes="member: 3485"><p>Mikey, </p><p></p><p>difficult child has you over a barrel and knows it. Nothing will change until you and wife take back control. You're not doing him any favors by letting this continue. You can't force a change in his behavior at this point; all you can change is yourselves, by not letting this situation rule your lives anymore.</p><p></p><p>Watching a difficult child go out the door to learn life's lessons the hard way, and possibly not survive the curriculum, is the most excruciatingly painful thing imaginable. We understand this. We spent years fighting with our difficult child, trying to get through that armor plating that she had <em>no idea</em> what she was in for. But she had it all figured out. Her "friends had her back" (yeah, as long as she was partying with them and putting out; turned out they didn't, when it mattered).</p><p></p><p>We've all seen our dreams and hopes for our difficult children go up in smoke (literally). It is so painful to watch them throw away opportunities and make bad choices that will dog them the rest of their lives. Nevertheless, there comes a time when reality has to be faced, by you and wife as well as by difficult child. Our difficult child was a one-time star student and still had some teachers eating out of her hand (fewer and fewer by 12th grade, admittedly) up to her senior year but dropped out. She just didn't get it that that diploma was necessary, that being pretty and popular with the boys wasn't a ticket to the good life, just a ticket to be used up and tossed out. (She went back later and got her GED.) [Added in edit: Point being that it's time to let go of the <em>summa <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> laude</em> dreams, your concerns are on a more basic level now.]</p><p></p><p>The letter is a good opening. Tell him you meant what you said and that decision time is right now. Maybe you could draw up a contract spelling out expectations and consequences. In any case, next time he misses curfew or breaks the rules, he no longer has a bed under your roof. Period.</p><p></p><p>And I hate to say it, but putting him out the door won't be the end of it. If it's anything like our case, there'll be constant calls wanting to come back just overnight, just needing $5 for this or that, has to get a ride here or there (always for something essential, you understand). Our difficult child was contrite one day, wheedling the next, defiant the next. You have to stand your ground and insist on full compliance or no favors, none.</p><p></p><p>Sounds like you know all this and know what you need to do, and are just getting up the nerve to endure the big showdown and stick to your guns. Believe me, whatever difficult child acts like on the outside, it'll be the shock of his life when he gets that you are deadly serious. The time is now. Good luck!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="HereWeGoAgain, post: 31032, member: 3485"] Mikey, difficult child has you over a barrel and knows it. Nothing will change until you and wife take back control. You're not doing him any favors by letting this continue. You can't force a change in his behavior at this point; all you can change is yourselves, by not letting this situation rule your lives anymore. Watching a difficult child go out the door to learn life's lessons the hard way, and possibly not survive the curriculum, is the most excruciatingly painful thing imaginable. We understand this. We spent years fighting with our difficult child, trying to get through that armor plating that she had [i]no idea[/i] what she was in for. But she had it all figured out. Her "friends had her back" (yeah, as long as she was partying with them and putting out; turned out they didn't, when it mattered). We've all seen our dreams and hopes for our difficult children go up in smoke (literally). It is so painful to watch them throw away opportunities and make bad choices that will dog them the rest of their lives. Nevertheless, there comes a time when reality has to be faced, by you and wife as well as by difficult child. Our difficult child was a one-time star student and still had some teachers eating out of her hand (fewer and fewer by 12th grade, admittedly) up to her senior year but dropped out. She just didn't get it that that diploma was necessary, that being pretty and popular with the boys wasn't a ticket to the good life, just a ticket to be used up and tossed out. (She went back later and got her GED.) [Added in edit: Point being that it's time to let go of the [i]summa :censored: laude[/i] dreams, your concerns are on a more basic level now.] The letter is a good opening. Tell him you meant what you said and that decision time is right now. Maybe you could draw up a contract spelling out expectations and consequences. In any case, next time he misses curfew or breaks the rules, he no longer has a bed under your roof. Period. And I hate to say it, but putting him out the door won't be the end of it. If it's anything like our case, there'll be constant calls wanting to come back just overnight, just needing $5 for this or that, has to get a ride here or there (always for something essential, you understand). Our difficult child was contrite one day, wheedling the next, defiant the next. You have to stand your ground and insist on full compliance or no favors, none. Sounds like you know all this and know what you need to do, and are just getting up the nerve to endure the big showdown and stick to your guns. Believe me, whatever difficult child acts like on the outside, it'll be the shock of his life when he gets that you are deadly serious. The time is now. Good luck! [/QUOTE]
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