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Still Reeling from This News - Maybe Someone Knows How to Sort it Out...
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 387873" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>Way To Go! And please, do NOT feel like a jerk. Let's look at it each way: Okay, so if J is being propositioned (or worse), she needs help/protection, removal. If this is a lie made up by her grandmother, her mental health problems may be at a crucial place right now, and that would come to light and perhaps she'd get help. Either way, something isn't right. Either there is abuse going on, or there is a mentally unstable adult capable of making up horrific allegations at her own husband. Both situations stand to do harm to J, either emotionally or physically. So having people investigating the goings on in that house can only be a good thing.</p><p></p><p>There was probably nothing you could have done years ago anyhow, to get guardianship. Sounds like you live far away, and the grandparents are usually always going to get custody over extended family if they are willing to take in a child. The fact alone that you were willing at the time to bring her to live with you, shows you love her, it might stand her in good steed down the line to be able to remember she was wanted, she is loved. Had you "fought" or persisted, who knows how it would have worked out. Likely the only way to have "won" in a argument about having her come to you all, would have been to make a huge deal out of the drinking and mental health stuff. And you probably still would have not won anyhow, obviously there was a process to have them obtain guardianship and they passed whatever criteria there was. You may have simply been cut off and not have known a thing about J. </p><p></p><p>You did the right thing in calling. Someone will have to look into it. It seems sad as you say for J to potentially end in foster care. yet she is nearly 18 and from the sound of it, she's sinking. Perhaps a few months in a environment that teaches her life skills, responsability and structure, wouldn't hurt her at this stage. Perhaps help her to prepare for the realities of being out on her own in the adult world. And really, one she's 18? If nothing bad was happening, she'd likely know she can move back in there anyhow without anything stopping her. </p><p></p><p>I agree with the other response about just letting her know you will help when/how you can if she gets her life together etc. I get your whole philosophy of "if not us than who?" ... yet you have other children, you have a difficult child with issues surrounding that in your own home. It would be, to me, like having a child with a lung disease, learning to adjust to life with that, being suddenly plunged into sharing a room/home with a chronic 5 times a day smoker. Know what I mean?? </p><p></p><p>Your heart is in the right place, it really comes down to if it could even be practical to adjust your lives to help her out. If it is at the risk of others, it simply isn't the place for her. If anyone could step in at this late stage (which I doubt), it likely would be someone without kids and a heck of a lot of patience!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 387873, member: 4264"] Way To Go! And please, do NOT feel like a jerk. Let's look at it each way: Okay, so if J is being propositioned (or worse), she needs help/protection, removal. If this is a lie made up by her grandmother, her mental health problems may be at a crucial place right now, and that would come to light and perhaps she'd get help. Either way, something isn't right. Either there is abuse going on, or there is a mentally unstable adult capable of making up horrific allegations at her own husband. Both situations stand to do harm to J, either emotionally or physically. So having people investigating the goings on in that house can only be a good thing. There was probably nothing you could have done years ago anyhow, to get guardianship. Sounds like you live far away, and the grandparents are usually always going to get custody over extended family if they are willing to take in a child. The fact alone that you were willing at the time to bring her to live with you, shows you love her, it might stand her in good steed down the line to be able to remember she was wanted, she is loved. Had you "fought" or persisted, who knows how it would have worked out. Likely the only way to have "won" in a argument about having her come to you all, would have been to make a huge deal out of the drinking and mental health stuff. And you probably still would have not won anyhow, obviously there was a process to have them obtain guardianship and they passed whatever criteria there was. You may have simply been cut off and not have known a thing about J. You did the right thing in calling. Someone will have to look into it. It seems sad as you say for J to potentially end in foster care. yet she is nearly 18 and from the sound of it, she's sinking. Perhaps a few months in a environment that teaches her life skills, responsability and structure, wouldn't hurt her at this stage. Perhaps help her to prepare for the realities of being out on her own in the adult world. And really, one she's 18? If nothing bad was happening, she'd likely know she can move back in there anyhow without anything stopping her. I agree with the other response about just letting her know you will help when/how you can if she gets her life together etc. I get your whole philosophy of "if not us than who?" ... yet you have other children, you have a difficult child with issues surrounding that in your own home. It would be, to me, like having a child with a lung disease, learning to adjust to life with that, being suddenly plunged into sharing a room/home with a chronic 5 times a day smoker. Know what I mean?? Your heart is in the right place, it really comes down to if it could even be practical to adjust your lives to help her out. If it is at the risk of others, it simply isn't the place for her. If anyone could step in at this late stage (which I doubt), it likely would be someone without kids and a heck of a lot of patience! [/QUOTE]
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