Thanks for your input, it's very helpful.
Well, yes, in general I do agree with exhausted that blanket positions on most things are not useful. medications... for example, I have quite severe asthma. I take a steroid (long-term effects unknown to me!) because constant asthma attacks are debilitating and this means I now hardly ever get attacks at all. I am grateful for that.
What I believe they call treatment holidays are common here in France. A child might be medicated just for school, and not weekends or in the holidays. Curiously, though, J almost calls for the other way round! But I think much will be revealed for him about what is going on for him next school year.... He may indeed reveal more serious attention problems.
Of course the problem is the fantasty.... I sometimes fantasise that a stimulant (and here, Ritalin and Concerta are the only medications licensed to treat ADHD) will just make J calm, not constantly hyperactive and constantly seeking "excitement", make him able to cope with waiting and boredom. This is really his handicap in life, as I see it, and the handicap of my life with him. Going to the doctor, the dentist, anything like that, is agonising because he just cannot sit and wait - he will be dancing around, careering, jumping off things. At every level, all the time, he cannot deal with the low stimulation of ordinary life. If I give him a jumper to put on, for example, he will - he has to, it seems - first of all throw it in the air, throw it across the room, etc.
This behaviour makes a lot of people label and avoid him. It is stressful and unsoothing to have this around you all the time. I am used to it but sometimes I find it annoying too. Which is not, of course, why I would consider medicating him, but I would like greater social acceptance for him, and for his self-image.
Am I fantasising that a stimulant might stop all that need for constant activity and excitement?
Oh - in terms of what I have tried so far (and still give every day)
Omega 3 (since he was about 1)
Iron supplement (typically, his ferritine level is below normal)
Magnesium plus B6
multivitamin plus minerals
Whether any of this helps... difficult to know! J seems generally more co-operative and easier to reason with for the last few months, which is how long I have been giving the magnesium. Coincidence?
And then, of course, I have changed my parenting style with him, deal with his fits and crises differently. I have to say nothing I have yet received from the outside seems to have helped at all - this is not for want of trying to get such help on my part and not to "blame" these professionals. But thus far I've felt like it's me alone with understanding and trying to manage J's differences.