Stinking Thinking

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by AnnieO, Nov 30, 2013.

  1. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Well, poo.

    Belle was released from our county and transported to the other one on Monday. Last night she was bonded out. Wow, are they that stupid? She ran before... But still. That's likely biogma. But maybe... Maybe she's learned her lesson. Her release is not what bugs me though.

    husband texted her boyfriend's mother to give her a heads up. And guess what?!

    Belle is supposed to have no contact with co defendants - i.e., her boyfriend. So they made up fake names and are communicating that way.

    boyfriend and his mom are so enmeshed, she hasn't reported it... In fact I don't think it has occurred to her that it is wrong. But I know that Belle knows it is - otherwise why the subterfuge?

    Sigh. I had hoped 3+ months of sobriety would have made a difference. But... Yeah, obvious that it hasn't.
  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I understand your frustration. My son spent 11 months locked up. He is out on intensive supervision, what a joke, he is in contact with the co-defendant, never home when the po comes over, does not report to probation, has tested dirty, has been questioned and released twice by the police about home invasions, and he is walking around as free as a breeze and laughing his *** off at our legal system.
  3. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Oh Annie. I was so hoping she had learned a valuable lesson. Hoping for the best still.
  4. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Oh wow! That is not cool. I hope she doesn't run.

    On the other hand call the PO? Whoever she answers to right now? and let them know she is in contact with the boyfriend using a false name. Maybe they would pick her back up and then you would know she is safe and not going to screw over biogma by running.

  5. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    AnnieO, just wanted you to know I was reading along, too. It's such a lonely place to be, when we suspect things are not going to turn out well for the kids.

  6. comatheart

    comatheart Active Member

    I'm sorry! :(
  7. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well, from my own interpretation of her Gma, it won't be long before she needs to get away from her. Be ready with what you will say when she comes around asking to come home.
  8. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Thanks for the reminder Wendy... Actually it's pretty easy. NO ROOM AT THE INN! Her old bedroom is Rose's room now. I won't have another houseguest like I did last year (2 in a row, boy did THAT suck). So - no actual room, no houseguesting... No room. I am already fending off anxiety attacks from the fact that our bedroom is downstairs in the basement, and it wouldn't take much for her to break in and steal things or hurt Pat or take Rose. And if she goes back to drugs, that's a very real concern. I have installed window and door alarms, and those things are LOUD. Maybe it's paranoia, but... When Pat sleeps at a friend's, Rose comes downstairs or I stay up there.
  9. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    It doesn't sound paranoid it sounds like a plan you make when you have a difficult child!
  10. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I forgot to mention that she called husband on Saturday afternoon. Gave him her new phone number, told him to make sure Pat and I have it, and she talked a bit - enough for us to find out that she apparently will graduate from high school. No matter that she missed too many days and that is what they told us when we calld to tell them we were not paying the graduation fee for her. If they DO give her her diploma, I'll just puke. Because I am NOT seeing any REAL consequences for her yet. Maybe I am the wicked stepmother but darn it I want her to learn there are consequences for her actions so she can grow up...
  11. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    That would make me angry, too. If there are no real consequences, there is no opprtunity to learn anything... :(
  12. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    DTSC - I don't know who her PO is right now. I suppose I could call Adult Probation and leave a message. Actually I think husband is doing that...
  13. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I know how frustrating this is because I felt the same way, but she will suffer consequences when she can't find a job that will support her. If you could hear my difficult child now she is very sorry that she messed up her entire future and gave up several opportunities to go to college and be able to do more than get minimum wage jobs and apply for food stamps. There are consequences, and we as mom's try to impress this upon them and they don't listen. It isn't until a few years later that it finally sinks in.
  14. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I just want her to figure out (like PG's difficult child, but without the baby!) that this boyfriend is NOT good for her... Argh. Then perhaps she can move on, and get better...
  15. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Only reason difficult child moved on from the a hole is because he is in prison and with the other woman he got pregnant... if he was out and wanted to be with her, I am not sure she would stay away. She still has the family ideal that she would love to have. I am just praying that she meets someone else before he gets out... :(
  16. It is difficult to find out whether they are going down hill or trying to choose the right path. We have zero contact with our daughter. We knew where she was working but have learned that the company she worked for offered her a job in a different department in another state. She went and according to one of her friends she still works there. We don't know with who she is staying with. We don't know if she has some kind of addiction. All we know is that she resents us.

    If only I had access to her facebook, then I would know what kind of social life she has or with whom she is living. Detactment is hard when it is the child who is doing it. We may have interfered too much in our daughters life. Maybe Belle just be kept in an arms length. If she cannot see the boyfriend in person for some time she might be so much better when he comes out that she can make it on her own. She is an adult and have to make her own decisions. She cannot live with her grandmother if the grandmother is the victim, so who is sticking up for her? I would research as we try to do with our own daughter but I certainly let them run their own life now where they have chosen to leave our homes.
  17. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    She re-friended me on facebook... And the new pictures are in her grandmother's home. So, gma didn't lose her home after all - and Belle is definitely staying there.

    New clothes, new makeup, and another hair dye job, too. I hope she makes the best of this chance... But I am so not holding my breath. She wants to get together and see us all... Pat said NO WAY, not without glass. We shall see.
  18. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    These blinders - the difficult child blinders along with the magical thinking that they are in control of their destiny... despite the REAL LIFE PROOF that their choices aren't working out for them. I picture my kid on a road littered with bad decisions ...

    no real words of advice, just encouragement for you because I know it hurts and it's frustrating and futile at the same time.
  19. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Puking now... Pictures all over facebook of her with her diploma.
  20. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Oh sweetie... I know

    Just hold on to the thought that it may be a good thing in the end. A guardian angel type thing... I know it doesn't teach her real world consequences but the frustrating thing about those consequences is that they don't BITE until our kids are way past that behavior and then they bite them only to hold them back...when they have all ready learned the lesson. I think I would have (maybe I did) sold my soul to get difficult child his HS diploma...

    I know, it stinks, it hurts and it bites you... it's not going to help her much right now but perhaps - someday -- when she is older and wiser - it will very well be the thing that DOESN'T hold her back...I hope..... XOXO